To feel a bit embarrassed about my glow up?

[Donttalkaboutit]

I know this will sound very silly!
So over the past decade, my thirties, I've been having babies, breastfeeding, sleepless nights etc etc. I've been carrying excess weight and been dressing to hide my shape. My hair was dull and straggly and I just looked tired and (sorry to use the word!) 'Frumpy'.

Anyway, I'm now 40 and I have lost lots of weight, got my hair cut and highlighted and started wearing make up and stylish clothes. I look 100 x better.

Now when I meet people I haven't seen in a while they are shocked and tell me how much different I look, how young I look, how trendy I am and will comment all good things but inside it just makes me think I must have looked a state before!

I do actually think that I'm looking better than I ever did (!) and am just struggling with all of these compliments even though I know I should be really glad of them! I see.myself in the mirror and can't believe it's me and then get all self conscious when people say I look nice. I'm ve4y, very gracious of the compliments and always say thank you but inside I feel a bit silly or something??
Aibu to feel like this or is this normal?

Well done you! Please share your glow up top this… I just had a baby and a going through ‘that’ phase…some times I go behind the mirror to check it’s really me in that reflection - i scare myself!!!
I can barely go a day without breaking my no chocolate rule etc - yet you have managed to lose weight and get a do over - it takes commitment and discipline- be proud of your achievement!

Everything has it's season- earlier you devoted yourself to your children, now you are reclaiming your identity, enjoy the compliments- you can't go back and change anything, let it go.

Yes it’s a difficult one when you don’t necessarily want to keep reflecting on the changes, being thrown back to a more difficult time or feeling self conscious.

A stock answer as PP above said is good. Very simple like ‘thank you’ and move on, don’t feel you have to justify anything.

It’s totally normal! Especially if you’re a bit introverted, or shy or just modest in general. May I ask how you found all of the stylish clothes? Did you just choose them yourself? And what inspired you for the glow up? It all sounds great to me!

I'm really happy for you that you've found your old self.

I think the hard thing is you are going through such a private change but have no choice but to do it publically.

I too am going through a change trying to get back to what feels like the real me - I'm not fully there yet but when I go out wearing clothes that feels more like me I feel really exposed like there's a huge spotlight on me. I don't want to be the 'after' I just want to be me. I assume the novelty will wear off for people at some point.

Good on you!

Don’t be too sensitive about it and say thank you. Give them compliments too and move on.

I'm exactly the same as you-i don't take compliments well and it embarrasses me. I tend to make a joke out of it and say "midlife crisis"! And laugh it off. But good for you, u have done this for you and you are happy and that's all that matters x

Hi! I think you deserve to be so kind to yourself. I’m a bit of a hippy so I think be kind to yourself now and the self from the past. She’s still there right? She deserves love, she did a really good job raising those young kids. Send her compassion, she did everything she could with what she had at the time. Be proud of what you’ve done in glowing up. That’s so awesome! It’s understandable to be concious of compliments. Remind yourself, it’s safe to be seen. Was it not safe to be noticed when you were a kid? These things can be interesting to consider.

Also: other people’s reactions are not your job to manage. They can think what they like. Even though I totally get it can feel exposing. Lastly, don’t underestimate how you’ll be helping others. If people aren’t fussed about appearance that’s ok but if they are and taking care of themselves in that way is something they want to do too, then seeing someone else do it can inspire them. We help others by helping ourselves x

Haven't read whole thread, but just enjoy it. Your worn out unkempt self is behind you now. It'll start going bad again in your late 50s - ie jowly, drooping things start to happen, hair loosing its lustre etc etc. Enjoy your amazing 40s! Isn't it the Italians who say a woman starts being their most beautiful from 40... This is it. Enjoy it OP :-)

It's just confidence ... say thank-you I'm feeling great in myself .
Be proud x

Why!? It’s absolutely fine to use whatever wording SHE wishes to use

I think what your family member said was really mean and has contributed to your embarrassment. I like the suggestion of "sleepless nights used to take their toll" because it's entirely true and many of us have been there.

Please don't feel embarrassed when someone compliments you. You've put the time and effort in, you know you look good so smile and say thank you that's so kind.

The "are you trying to be an influencer"comment made me a bit angry because it's comments like that, we don't need.

I've always had self esteem issues (not saying you have) but masked it well mostly for 3 decades. I'm 47 fwiw.
This year I've tackled it with the help of therapy.

I think you're embarrassed due to self esteem and I can understand that.
I think you need to try and think about that time differently. Instead of looking back and feeling embarrassed, give yourself a break. Sometimes it's a chore making the effort to look good, for me it is anyway.
All experiences are life lessons. Be grateful for the woman you was then because you had xyz going on and that was ok and now you've had the time and done the work, own it mate!!
It's good to feel good, even if it does feel a bit alien/awkward/embarrassing.
Lap up the compliments graciously darling, you deserve them!!

If I can over share with you....

After the birth of DC2 I had pnd and I comfort ate like never before. I knew I was self sabotaging but I told myself that I wasn't well and that I was going to take care of my mental health first and tackle the body when I was in a better headspace.

I was 15 stone+ (I didn't go over 16stone) for 6 years so of course I covered my body up in baggy clothes (rather than embrace the shape and work with it). I was very unwell for about 6-7 months and I started healing from then.

I was slim growing up as I danced for 19 years, looking back I had a great body.

Anyhoo, beginning of last year was rough and I started losing weight through health, stress and poverty and then in September I started ADHD medication and I lost more weight so I'm getting compliments left right and center and I feel (did feel) a bit awkward because I am now fluctuating between 12'7 & 12'11 so it's really obvious that I've lost weight. Plus I've been red/dark brown hair ally life and now I'm blonde 🥰 I feel like I'm how I'm supposed to be.

Thanks to therapy I am loving myself.
I look different in my eyes (not the obvious differences) because I am comfortable in my head with how/who I am now. I look better than ever. But I also know that there was nothing wrong with me in any historical part of my life.
I finally love my face. There's never been anything wrong with it but I saw flaws and the voice in my head who told me negative shit overwhelmed me and took over my life.
I fucked her off on the last full moon 😁 bye bye Nancy 🖕🏼

I'm glad youre enjoying your new looking self. We are so critical to ourselves it's refreshing to read your post.

I love your comment

Hi.

If I may share something that I've learned over time.

You're never going to "get back" to what feels like the real you and the reason for that is because we don't go back.

We move forward and so what needs to be done is find elements of how you were but bring it to today, find the tools you need to improve on that recipe.
It's going to be fairly new as it's a now feeling and not a past feeling but I realised that I was never going to get back into the place of peace that I found after having pnd that I'd worked hard to get to. And what a wonderful place that was. I'm so grateful to have experienced that.
I can only find a new peace now and I'm going to make it better because I've learnt so much since the last time.
What was I doing back then that I'm not doing now? And then grow from there.

I hope that was helpful

I think we're mostly on the same page.

I am returning to a sense of who I really am right now and some of those changes are private internal changes and others are more visible to others.

I'm returning to a more authentic me rather than going back to the past.

I’m partly commenting here to say I find your posts inspiring OP. I’m 40 and starting (to my absolute shame) to feel sad about my fading looks. I think you sound fabulous.

I also want to come back and read the comments but first, you’ve inspired me to get out of bed and wash my face and put some serums on 😂

Just remembered something my buddy dermatologist said to me many many years ago.

Everything you do for your skin in THIS decade, you will enjoy in the next decade.

So looking after your skin will pay dividends in the future.

He has always said it is not about expensive creams.

I adore the aldi range and despite having plenty of money still love and use their Caviar set, the night cream is the best.
I love their serums that are reasonably priced and I slap them on heavy because they are such good value.
Their spf sun creams are tested so well I have used theif spf 50 suitable for newborns for so many years without issue.
My daughters now use them too.
I use some of their makeup which is great.

My daughters mostly won't touch their make-up as they have very expensive taste🙄.

The up side is at least I am not bringing my make-up to work like a friends sister as her daughters use everything she has!

I have no big routine either, cleanse and slap on my night cream, but I do it every night, face, neck and decolletage.
My decolletage looks like that of a 30 year old.
Granny said everything you do for your face take it right down to your breasts.
It works. No crepey skin here.

So for women drowning in babies and crazy busy, slap on moisture and spf 50, and take a good skin nails and hair supplement.
Your future self will thank you.

So a while ago I posted this and today someone tried to bring me down.

The same relative who asked if I was trying to be an influencer saw an opportunity today and it really knocked me.

Since I last posted, I've continued to get fit, lose weight and replace my wardrobe that was full of maxi and midi dresses that basically covered all of my lumps and bumps. I've started following fashion and am wearing clothes I never even considered before. I'm a size 8 and was wearing (and rocking) an outfit that had a kind of crop top that just gives a glimpse of midriff.

My relative said 'oh look and you and your new image! What happened to always wearing your maxidresses like such a sophisticated lady?' (she acted this out as if she was prancing around with her nose in the air). She went on. 'And now you're just so cool aren't you?' Then she acted me out as if I was Sandy from Grease when she got her makeover. This relative thought this was so funny and I just looked at her and changed the subject. I wonder is this why I felt so awkward about my 'glow up' (sorry to those who are offended by the term). Because I was maybe seeing myself through this person's eyes.

Anyway it just happened and my eyes are stinging because it was just so mean and I wish I was invisible.

Please don't feel bad about yourself. I bet you look fantastic and you should be proud of yourself. Don't let someone else's jealous opinion diminish your light

Anyway it just happened and my eyes are stinging because it was just so mean and I wish I was invisible.
Somebody sounds malicious!
It sounds like they preferred the 'old' you so they looked good and they don't like the positive change.
Seriously, fuck them!!!

I know how I would have dealt with that. I would have joined in and said some daft quote from Grease and and also said 'im a Cool with a Capital C girl now!!!!' And bloody flaunted myself.
Don't let knobheads and their insecurities and venom put you down.
Enjoy your new look and keep mixing it up and trying new things.

This same person used to bang on about how boring my old style was then!

Just ask them are they feeling ok, because they seem to be taking an unusual amount of interest in your appearance. Then tell them you don't want to hear about it. It's their own insecurities coming through. You read it on here, posters are gleeful that the women who used to be exceptionally attractive, have hit 50+ and aren't 'so much these days'. I live in midi dresses, don't see what the issue is with them.

Missing the point, but I thought maxi and midi dresses were stylish?

Anyway, just say something like “Yes, I have lost weight. Yes, I have discovered style & beauty. It’s easier now that the kids are older”.
”Why does it bother you so much”?

Oh my goodness, what a strange thing to do. That’s awful. In what way is she related? Is she jealous. She sounds it.