To feel a bit embarrassed about my glow up?

[Donttalkaboutit]

I know this will sound very silly!
So over the past decade, my thirties, I've been having babies, breastfeeding, sleepless nights etc etc. I've been carrying excess weight and been dressing to hide my shape. My hair was dull and straggly and I just looked tired and (sorry to use the word!) 'Frumpy'.

Anyway, I'm now 40 and I have lost lots of weight, got my hair cut and highlighted and started wearing make up and stylish clothes. I look 100 x better.

Now when I meet people I haven't seen in a while they are shocked and tell me how much different I look, how young I look, how trendy I am and will comment all good things but inside it just makes me think I must have looked a state before!

I do actually think that I'm looking better than I ever did (!) and am just struggling with all of these compliments even though I know I should be really glad of them! I see.myself in the mirror and can't believe it's me and then get all self conscious when people say I look nice. I'm ve4y, very gracious of the compliments and always say thank you but inside I feel a bit silly or something??
Aibu to feel like this or is this normal?

quashyhat
One point for stealth boast, deducted for using the stupid term glow up
Bit of a mean post with nothing constructive added.
Glow up.is a commonly used phrase.

Op I've more or less done the same over the last few years and when people compliment me I usually say " aw thanks, that's lovely of you' ( and feel pleased!)

Just say thanks and smile then move on.
Its normal for people to want to compliment you when you look good op.

Now please tell me how you lost the weight?! 😁

Same happened to me I had 4 kids been overweight for years my youngest is finally less dependent and I’m sleeping and started running and weights and lost 5 stone and look way better , people are really shocked when they see me it’s getting embarrassing I feel so shallow and apologetic when I get compliments . I must have looked awful before 😅

it's great, but you can't say that and be embarrassed when people politely compliment you!

Just enjoy it and the fact you obviously look and feel better now then you did before!

Ive done similar in my 50s. Lost over 7st, now very fit, hair dyed, make up, nice clothes (not attractive but I never have been!) and Ive had lots of comments coz most people only ever knew the fat, depressed mess version of me.
It can feel abit embarressing getting compliments but I tend to say thank you and if I can compliment somebody back for something all the better.

Giving a compliment to someone is a nice thing to do and usually cheers up both parties.....so just go with it!😉

You dont need a stock response - this is so British!! It's exactly like when someone compliments our outfit and we all fall over ourselves to spell out that we bought it for 50p, 15 years ago in a sale from Primark or whatever.

Just say......... "thank you!". Thats all thats needed. The more you overthink this and the more you have to "prepare a response" the bigger it will become in your mind and the more conversation and focusing on it, it will elicit.

Graciously take the compliment and embrace the new you! well done for the change and I say that not because appearances are the most important thing in life but because you FEEL better as a result. Dont tie yourself up in knots justifying it- you did something that makes you feel better, which is wonderful x

Hi OP, I had a similar moment last year (also 40 but only a few years into motherhood having started later). Prior to pregnancy I was always quite polished, well-dressed and physically very fit and that all went out of the window, I also went grey very quickly too.

At a wedding last year I'd made a huge effort and some close relatives were clearly blown away with the difference and quite emotional at seeing me! It was lovely in a way but brought up similar feelings... slightly mortified, as though I'd been clearly not doing great for a while and had probably looked a bit of a state at times. Wider questions raised about the standards we place on women, how we measure 'success' etc too of course.

We all go through different cycles of looking our best and looking a bit worse for wear throughout life. I don’t judge people who look somewhat plain and run down, I do just also notice when someone is especially glowing. Good for you! I would also say that change itself looks great on people.

I would build up your confidence and just own it ☺️

You are right. It is silly.

I can understand why you'd feel that way. You feel how you feel so it's not silly and I'm sure some people could express themselves better. Try to enjoy it.

@Mummadeze can you share how you lost the weight post HRT? I've also put a lot of weight on and on HRT and can't imagine I will ever lose it...

I think I was feeling good about it until I met up with s family member who sort of sniggered and said 'are you trying to look like an influencer or something?' And I felt like a really silly teenager and then this was juxtaposed with feeling ashamed about having let myself 'go' so much even though it was a natural part of being in the trenches and I always thought I looked nice at the time. Maybe thats the thing. I thought I looked nice considering and it's when people say about looking younger I feel like I'd been deluded all that time. I don't know. I was slim and attractive during my teens and twenties and compliments definitely didn't embarrass me then! Now when I run into someone I get a weird anxiety about what they're going to say about my new look. I know it sounds so daft!!! Maybe it's just an adjustment period and it is preferable to feeling unattractive. I feel like my looks have changed very quickly and I'm just catching up!

I understand, its like you are the same person as before and all the fitness and good eating, was to benefit you, you did it for yourself to prioritise you after years of caregiving. Its about you, not anyone else
People commenting also makes me think how shallow and looks based society is!

I think what is important about a person is their actions towards others, I struggle to accept compliments about my physical appearance (which varies according to what sort of effort I want to prioritise) because I genuinely don’t think that is what matters. I am proud of myself and I know I have eg ‘a cracking figure’ but that’s not what I’m proud of.

I've been there myself and know exactly what you're thinking. If people are so complimentary now, what were they thinking before?

But that's the past. It doesn't matter! Life isn't about looks anyway, you've raised a family! That's much more important.

Enjoy the life you've built and the positive changes you've made. It sounds to me like you have it all! Never take it for granted :).

I think it’s so rude to comment on people’s weight loss or new haircut in such an effusive way that suggests you looked like dog shit before. I’m amazed it’s such a common thing given how judgemental and superficial it is. You might have lost 4 stone and had a ‘glow up’ but you’re still the same human being.

It’s sad that we value shallow cosmetics over inner beauty and I wouldn’t really respect the opinions of anyone who did this.

Yeah I get what you mean. When someone says "wow have you lost weight?" when I didn't intentionally I always feel embarrassed.

BUT...I say the same thing to other people, and I know I don't say it because I'm thinking they used to look bad, I'm saying it because I think they look good now, and they're not the same thing.

So don't worry about it, just lap up the compliments imo 😊

Well that family member sounds like a dick who is trying to make you feel insecure. They also sound jealous.

This is an excellent response.

What I did:

1. I stopped breastfeeding the youngest and he started sleeping through the night. Instant half stone of hormonal weight that wouldn't go until I stopped BF and I was finally getting sleep.

2.I joined Slimming World and combined it with fasting and low carb, and also started going for long walks with the buggy every morning. In total I've lost a stone and a half but I'm 5 foot 1 with a small frame and it's made a difference to how my clothes fit as well as my face.

1. I started looking at what younger people were wearing and following style channels on YouTube and instagram. One day I went shopping and just tried on things I wouldn't have considered before once I got some ideas from the videos. I honestly had no idea beforehand and just bought anything that would hide my body and keep me warm. I bought a few peices which I keep expanding when I can afford it

1. I got new bras that fitted me and looked so much perkier in my clothes.

1. I started accessorising more with (inexpensive) jewellery and kind of made an effort to be a bit blingy and extra.

1. I thought back to my tricks in my twenties when I always wore a bit of fake tan (the gradual tanner) and I always got my nails done. So I started doing that, putting a bit of tan on and started looking after my nails and painting them.

1. My hair was kind of mousey/greyish, no style, longish but just always up in a mum bun. I went lighter and got it cut into a blunt bob then watched tutorials on easy ways to style it.

1. I got my eyebrows done. I hadn't touched them in years.

1. I'd hormonal acne and dull skin so started really taking care of it and using a retinol nightcream and salicylic acid toner.

10. I've been using whitening strips on my teeth and revamped my make up application by watching tutorials on YouTube for over 40s make up. It's made a difference in terms of being less cakey and having more uplifting looking blush etc.

Now that the routines are established they aren't burdensome to keep on top of and it's fun for me to keep on top of it.

A huge well done on your glow up, it must feel nice to have a bit of yourself back after the baby years.

I know the correct advice is to take the positives and enjoy it, but I do understand how you feel. I’ve dropped from a size 18 to a size 8 and people have been really nice about it, but I’m so uncomfortable with the compliments and feel like I’ve just drawn attention to how big I was before. I know this is ridiculous, but it’s still how I’ve felt.

Well done for making the best of yourself. Enjoy the compliments and ignore the jealousy.

Maybe practice saying "thanks. It's been a lot if hard work but I'm finally there" or something along those lines. I look & feel better than I have in ages thanks to finally getting some decent sleep & highlights. If someone compliments me on it I say "ah thanks, that's really kind". Makes a change from people telling me how tired I look! 🤣

I agree about never commenting on another person’s weight. It reminds me of a “compliment” I received from a neighbor a while ago. She excitedly raved on and on about how much weight I’d lost and how much better I looked. Except I haven't lost (or gained) weight at any point in the entire time I’ve known her. I was average sized when I moved here and I still am exactly the same size and weight, but she apparently thought I was very fat at some point. So yes, I was offended by her extremely rude “compliment."