Blended families - not all they are made out to be?

[InNeedOfSleep10]

Inspired by scrolling one too many ‘perfect blended family’ posts on social media, am I being unfair to suggest that the reality of blended families must be a lot different to what people suggest? Surely it’s hard work and not the dream set up many make it out to be…

I'm sure that some blended families work well, but on the whole I think the children have a bad time. Much as their parents would, if somebody moved several new people into their home and told them to look happy about it.

Nothing on social media is the full truth.

I grew up in a blended family with no real problems but it’s still not what I’d choose for myself. Life happens though and it’s positive that people are making the best of it.

I’ve never read a positive story about blended families.

Who makes them out to be wonderful? That's not the trope at all, is it? What word often goes with stepmother and what do people accuse stepfathers of?

I’ve never heard anyone say they were, quite the opposite. Why wouldn’t they be difficult just as being in a regular family can be?

Happy pictures don’t automatically mean happy family, especially on social
media.

It just completely depends.

i would also add that plenty of families, blended or not, have their problems.

The reality of most things, from holidays to marriage to newborn baby life to blended families, differs from the highly curated and edited stuff people post online. I tend to assume a lot of these people fall under “they protest too much” - the happiest people i know aren’t gushing about it on instagram.

I don’t think it’s unique to blended families though - there’s happy ones and totally disastrous ones and everything in between, like most things in life.

I dont use social media its crap

I was thinking the same, can't recall seeing many, if any, positive posts on social media about blended families! Generally people don't remarry for the sake of the children do they, they do because they want to and the children have to deal with it. It is tricky though because you really do only get one life and don't blame adults for wanting to form new relationships rather than waiting years to do so. Living in an unhappy home with parents who hate eachother is just as toxic if not worse though imo.

For female children the biggest risk factor to their safety by multiples to anything else in their life, is a non biologically related man living in their house. That doesn't mean all men, we know that, or that some men aren't great, we know that, but as a risk to them it is beyond any other risk they will encounter a female child and young adult.

Not if any of the posts on here are anything to go by…. Certain posters seem to openly hate their stepchildren.

I grew up in a blended family/families, quite unusual in the 80s/90s where I was and I loved it because I had step siblings who I’m still very close to. What I didn’t love was the on both sides of my blended families I saw the women do the brunt of the work with the DC and DSC, and I noticed early on just how unequal the marriages my parents had were

It’s the justification that’s always peddled out that gets me ‘Children are Resilient’, they’ll be fine etc.. Sorry but evidence shows otherwise. I understand people need to tell themselves lies to justify actions. Children’s needs are often at the bottom of the pile.

I’ve never been under the impression they were anything but difficult in most cases.

Everything looks perfect on social media.

I’ve never seen anyone trying to claim blended families are perfect or easy though.

They can be amazing, I have a friend with a blended family and they are incredibly happy, it works well for them, but even they would admit that has not happened without significant time, effort, compromise etc- it’s definitely not easy.

I have never seen anything about 'blended families' being portrayed a a dream set up.
Quite the opposite.

Someone onhere called them 'Mangled Families' which is probably more accurate.

It can work well sometimes, it depends on the personalities of the children for a lot of it. A very sociable child with a new 'sibling' around of a similar age whom they get along well with, who's always wanted a sibling, and whose parent is in a good relationship and still has a good relationship with the NR parent, is a whole world away from 3 siblings move in with two other siblings with a huge age gap, who miss Daddy and are troubled by arguments and an acrimonious divorce and then new man comes along with these two younger children who are annoying and dislike them for similar reasons...OR an introverted only child who all of a sudden has to share their bed/toys/parent with another child who is far louder than them and demands all the attention...

<dons tin hat>

Not only do I agree with you re SC (and I’ve seen my niece be destroyed and grow into a v troubled adult because her mum put her new boyfriend and his baby ahead of her) but I think this can also be the case in the situation of DV. I know it’s hard to women to stay and sadly I’ve witnessed DV first hand, but the children ALWAYS get forgotten about in the conversations, and nobody dares ever criticise a woman for staying in a home where her children hear her get abused.

There's just as much hatred for stepmothers and also an attitude that parents shouldn't remarry at all.

Agreed. 2 adults want to do what suits them and therefore the kids are forced to go along with it, getting a step parent and new siblings regardless of their feelings.

Is your friend a child in her blended family or a parent? I think that some parents can find them satisfying or even wonderful, but the children may be having a different experience.

I'm currently in a blended family.

Admittedly his son is almost an adult, but my children are all under 14, and it's been fine.

Surely raising children in a blended family is nobody’s Plan A in life? But as @AmberDuckIng says, good that people are trying to make the best of it,

The irony of this being posted on a social media platform.