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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to want to make a complaint about a physiotherapist?

491 replies

Toooldforallthisnow · 25/04/2025 23:10

DH currently in hospital (NHS) after a fall, doing ok, but can't come home yet. He is being well looked after and has a physiotherapist who is seeing him regularly.

I visit DH most days, and I have seen this physiotherapist several times now. I have no complaint about the care she is giving DH and he seems very happy with her, indeed she is incredibly personable towards him - however, when speaking to me she is somewhat aloof to the point of rudeness. I am not one to let this sort of thing go unnoticed, so when I saw her yesterday, I asked her if I may have a word in private.

I told her that I was aware of her attitude towards me, and how I'd done nothing to warrant it, so asked if she could explain the reason for being so curt. She looked me in the eye and said that while she didn't expect me to know who she was, she remembered me from when I taught her in junior school.

I had a very brief career as a teacher during the very late 1980s. I hated everything about teaching, so much that after qualifying and taking a position in a school, I only spent eight months in the job. I left without completing a single academic year. I then retrained into another and completely different field, and moved some thirty or more miles away. I almost never speak of my time in teaching as it was the lowest point of my life, and I went on to make a new life for myself. Teaching was not for me and put it all behind me.

Long story short, physiotherapist said while she appreciated she had been one of the more (to use her words) "lucky" pupils, and that I'd only ever shouted at her, she remembered well how I'd smacked some of the other children, and even thrown someones desk across the room.

I cannot deny this, I was young (26) and although it wasn't technically allowed, smacking was something which still went on in schools. I don't remember doing it very often. I do remember shouting, and I do remember the incident with the desk, after a child had pushed me to my limit. It was soon after that I went on long-term sick. But no matter what, I never had a single complaint made against me by anyone.

I am shocked this woman remembers so much, I even wonder if in her mind she has exaggerated some of it, but regardless of that I think she is using it inappropriately to influence the way she speaks to me. She told me that while she realises she has been abrupt, she cannot forget the way I had been towards a group of children (from memory they would have been aged 9 or 10). She said I was more than welcome to make a complaint about her, but given that I am not her patient and that the reason for her being the way towards me has nothing to do with what she called the "protected characteristics" (I had to look that one up), there wasn't a great deal I could expect.

I have to admit, this altercation has riled me further. I am not denying my past, heaven knows I have admitted it here, but do I really have to be held hostage to it?

YABU - don't complain

YANBU - complain, this is not professional behaviour in this day and age.

OP posts:
LushLemonTart · 26/04/2025 14:06

SalfordQuays · 26/04/2025 13:34

Agree. I’ve reported it and I expect it’ll disappear soon.

I reported too

thepariscrimefiles · 26/04/2025 14:08

OakleyAnnie · 26/04/2025 00:01

Your post made me very sad. Lots of people have done things they regret. Sometimes very bad things. You did the right thing and left the profession. You’ve moved on and put the bad times behind you. You said you don’t like to talk about those days. I suspect you feel terrible and have many regrets even if you haven’t said a lot about that here.

i don’t think you should complain. You could apologise to her. Or you could ignore it. Or keep away from the hospital when she’s treating him.

i doubt you’re the terrible person people here are gleefully making out. Everyone loves a pile on and we all feel so good about ourselves, perfect as we are 🙄

wishing you well 💐

She doesn't sound as though she has any regrets. Instead of showing remorse for her illegal behaviour as a teacher and apologising, she said that:

'I have to admit, this altercation has riled me further.'

If ever a pile on (i.e. understandable outrage at OP's actions towards primary school children) was justified, it's for this poster. She sounds like a deeply unpleasant woman.

MakeYourOwnMusicStartYourOwnDance · 26/04/2025 14:14

SalfordQuays · 26/04/2025 13:34

Agree. I’ve reported it and I expect it’ll disappear soon.

Why?
You don't know it's not real.
So annoying for those of us who have invested time in responding to posts to just have them disappear because someone's troll hunting.

oOiluvfriendsOo · 26/04/2025 14:16

Things that happen at school stay with you for life.
Years after leaving school (20 years) I was at a night out and a friend of my cousin was my school bully. It brought everything back, I couldn't even look in her direction never mind speak to her.

If this person is giving your husband the care he should be getting then I would not be complaining. You're past behaviour was disgusting and seeing you has brought it back to the surface.

Fly1ngG1raffe · 26/04/2025 14:18

I can’t believe what I’ve just read? You want to know whether you should complain about a physiotherapist, who by your own admission is good at her job, because you were violent towards children?

makes no sense. Sounds like you scarred her childhood, don’t cause her more heartache as an adult.

sounds like you haven’t changed much. Cruel then and cruel now.

thepariscrimefiles · 26/04/2025 14:18

SixtySomething · 26/04/2025 01:05

You've been very brave , OP, in being so honest and, quite predictably, people have laid into you.
We've all done things we're ashamed of, but few people would be so courageous as to admit it publicly.
I'm sure most new teachers make mistakes they would prefer not to discuss.
I think it was a bit wierd of the physio to be off with you, possibly unprofessional.
All the same, I wouldn't put in complaint.

Brave??? She's being honest because she couldn't give a shit about what she did to those children. Her behaviour was unprofessional and illegal. She should have been prosecuted. She's admitted it on an anonymous forum as part of a post complaining about the unprofessional behaviour of one of her victims. That isn't being brave.

I love the way that you think the OP is courageous but her victim is unprofessional. It's pretty obvious that OP is a deeply unpleasant woman as her reaction to her victim reminding her how she treated her and her fellow pupils was not to feel remorse and contrition but to feel even more riled up. She initiated the conversation herself.

LuannDe · 26/04/2025 14:19

You physically harmed small children, and probably caused lifelong trauma for a number of them.

You now stand here, arrogant, saying one of your victim’s “aloofness” warrants a formal complaint.

Have you always been such a hideous person, lacking such self awareness and accountability?

I think you got off lightly with “aloof”.

Fly1ngG1raffe · 26/04/2025 14:20

Additionally, I was at school in the ‘late 1980s’, in a deprived area with lots log behavioural issues and never once witnessed a teacher overturn a desk of smack a child. it was not routine.

MakeYourOwnMusicStartYourOwnDance · 26/04/2025 14:23

oOiluvfriendsOo · 26/04/2025 14:16

Things that happen at school stay with you for life.
Years after leaving school (20 years) I was at a night out and a friend of my cousin was my school bully. It brought everything back, I couldn't even look in her direction never mind speak to her.

If this person is giving your husband the care he should be getting then I would not be complaining. You're past behaviour was disgusting and seeing you has brought it back to the surface.

Exactly, if I saw my school bully now I'd react exactly the same as you.
The physio has done well to stay professional with her DH, she could have felt like she couldn't care for him having to see OP again.
Physio sounds caring. She owes OP on the other hand nothing.

Alwaystired23 · 26/04/2025 14:24

Maybe you need to apologise for your behaviour. I was in primary school in the late 1980s and I remember the teacher putting pepper on another child's tounge for talking. That still upsets me to this day..it's so cruel and humiliating. I don't blame her for not wanting to be nice to you. Maybe you should say sorry, and that you left the profession as you didn't like the person you were being.

thepariscrimefiles · 26/04/2025 14:24

LovePeriodProperty · 26/04/2025 03:34

Caning etc wasn’t banned till 1986 and didn’t come fully in til 1987
In private schools it was 1998 in England and Wales and slightly later in Scotland and NI.
I was at school till 1985 and it was definitely allowed

So I’m afraid this post is incorrect.
It was allowed and was considered at the time a normal punishment.

I know those who never went to school in this period will be shocked by that but it was just the way things were done then. It’s not considered right now and was stopped as it should have been but we can hardly condemn OP for basically carrying out her job like other teachers did.

OP
Id just forget about this discussion and move on. It doesn’t sound like she’s being unprofessional to your dh so it’s not a matter I’d bring up again.

Edited

Corporal punishment, including smacking, was banned in state schools in 1987. OP refers to teaching in the 'very late 80s' so I assume that when she was teaching, smacking was actually illegal. OP refers to it being 'technically not allowed'. It sounds as though she terrorised the children in her class.

SolDeBlaBla · 26/04/2025 14:27

One post and gone. Not sure what that says about OP.

I'm sorry for all those posters who have been excessively shouted at, slapped, hit or otherwise demeaned and bullied by a teacher. It was morally as wrong 50 years ago as it is now. Shame on those nasties.

Beryl23 · 26/04/2025 14:29

From my own experience at school and now as a teacher, I am very much aware how teachers’ actions/words, some which seem irrelevant to the teacher, can have a profound impact on students, both positively and negatively. Your behaviour towards these children sounds utterly horrific and the fact that you didn’t even think to apologise to this person for your actions shows the type of person you are. Also you mention how awful your time teaching was and that you don’t like to talk about it and have put it all behind you… well maybe the children you taught are unable to put your actions behind them! And the fact you think she has exaggerated your behaviour in her mind… I think you are minimising it.

tsmainsqueeze · 26/04/2025 14:39

MakeYourOwnMusicStartYourOwnDance · 26/04/2025 14:14

Why?
You don't know it's not real.
So annoying for those of us who have invested time in responding to posts to just have them disappear because someone's troll hunting.

I agree.
Why would it not be real ?
There are plenty of people in this world with a sense of entitlement alongside a total lack of self awareness.

NoSourDough · 26/04/2025 14:40

I was born in 1980, so was nine in 1989. In my experience there was NO SMACKING during this time period from teachers!

RosesAndHellebores · 26/04/2025 14:43

I was born in 1960 and smacking was exceedingly rare and involved the intervention of the Head Teacher. If a teacher had thrown a desk I have no doubt that they would have been dismissed. Even then.

ladyofshertonabbas · 26/04/2025 14:48

Are you for real? A sincere apology and an acknowledgment of your actions towards pupils is in order. But you don’t actually sound sorry, so…

WhereYouLeftIt · 26/04/2025 14:49

Jesus Christ!

I really hope you're a troll, because otherwise I have to believe that you are real and totally lacking in self-awareness, empathy and shame.

You physically assaulted 9-10 year-olds when you were in a position of authority over them, and you're the sort of person who scolds a physio for being 'aloof'. You haven't changed from the 26 year-old you, have you?

You're "shocked this woman remembers so much"? Really? Your behaviour undoubtedly shocked child-her. It shocks adult-me.

"I even wonder if in her mind she has exaggerated some of it" - no you don't, you remember doing what she described you doing. What you are wondering is how you can minimise acknowledging how awfully you treated children, and how you can pretend your behaviour didn't affect these children-now-adults.

"I have to admit, this altercation has riled me further."
You haven't changed one bit, have you? What this conversation (not altercation) SHOULD have prompted was a bit of self-reflection, some dismay, shame, maybe a heartfelt apology to this woman. But no, being told of how your behaviour affected her riled you.

"I am not denying my past, heaven knows I have admitted it here, but do I really have to be held hostage to it?"
Oh don't be so melodramatic! In forty-ish years you've never had to face up to yourself, you're hardly a hostage. Reflect on your past. Admit your wrongdoings - to yourself as well as her, by the sound of it.

WeHaveTheRabbit · 26/04/2025 14:57

MakeYourOwnMusicStartYourOwnDance · 26/04/2025 14:14

Why?
You don't know it's not real.
So annoying for those of us who have invested time in responding to posts to just have them disappear because someone's troll hunting.

If people have suspicions about a thread, the advice from MNHQ is to report. Nothing wrong with doing that at all.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 26/04/2025 14:58

You absolutely mustn't let this go.

Please do report that you physically abused small children in school when it was illegal to do so and you're angry that somebody remembers your criminal acts. I'm sure the physio will happily give evidence and be able to find other ex-victims of your abuse who can corroborate your admission.

I'm sure we'll all enjoy reading about the prosecution for your crimes against little children.

Needtosoundoffandbreathe · 26/04/2025 15:08

WeHaveTheRabbit · 26/04/2025 14:57

If people have suspicions about a thread, the advice from MNHQ is to report. Nothing wrong with doing that at all.

I did so hours ago. I suspect the OP will not return because of the nature of the responses.

TheignT · 26/04/2025 15:29

You physically assaulted children and you think she is the one who should be complained about? Historic abuse springs to mind.

Leafy3 · 26/04/2025 15:57

WhereYouLeftIt · 26/04/2025 14:49

Jesus Christ!

I really hope you're a troll, because otherwise I have to believe that you are real and totally lacking in self-awareness, empathy and shame.

You physically assaulted 9-10 year-olds when you were in a position of authority over them, and you're the sort of person who scolds a physio for being 'aloof'. You haven't changed from the 26 year-old you, have you?

You're "shocked this woman remembers so much"? Really? Your behaviour undoubtedly shocked child-her. It shocks adult-me.

"I even wonder if in her mind she has exaggerated some of it" - no you don't, you remember doing what she described you doing. What you are wondering is how you can minimise acknowledging how awfully you treated children, and how you can pretend your behaviour didn't affect these children-now-adults.

"I have to admit, this altercation has riled me further."
You haven't changed one bit, have you? What this conversation (not altercation) SHOULD have prompted was a bit of self-reflection, some dismay, shame, maybe a heartfelt apology to this woman. But no, being told of how your behaviour affected her riled you.

"I am not denying my past, heaven knows I have admitted it here, but do I really have to be held hostage to it?"
Oh don't be so melodramatic! In forty-ish years you've never had to face up to yourself, you're hardly a hostage. Reflect on your past. Admit your wrongdoings - to yourself as well as her, by the sound of it.

"Held hostage" indeed. I wonder if the op feels this way anytime she experiences consequences?

The victim blaming in her post riled me.

SalfordQuays · 26/04/2025 16:09

MakeYourOwnMusicStartYourOwnDance · 26/04/2025 14:14

Why?
You don't know it's not real.
So annoying for those of us who have invested time in responding to posts to just have them disappear because someone's troll hunting.

@MakeYourOwnMusicStartYourOwnDance I think you misunderstand reporting. Posts don’t get deleted because people question their veracity. People report posts that they suspect may not be genuine, then MN admin look into it, and if they find it’s dodgy, or a PBP, then they delete it. If MN have no concerns, the thread stays. So simply reporting a thread doesn’t get it deleted.

SalfordQuays · 26/04/2025 16:11

tsmainsqueeze · 26/04/2025 14:39

I agree.
Why would it not be real ?
There are plenty of people in this world with a sense of entitlement alongside a total lack of self awareness.

@tsmainsqueeze it may be real, but if it isn’t, I’d like MN to know about it so they can delete it before it upsets more people. Of course if it’s genuine, then as depressing as it is, it needs to stay. MN admin make the final decision.