AIBU to want to make a complaint about a physiotherapist?

[Toooldforallthisnow]

DH currently in hospital (NHS) after a fall, doing ok, but can't come home yet. He is being well looked after and has a physiotherapist who is seeing him regularly.

I visit DH most days, and I have seen this physiotherapist several times now. I have no complaint about the care she is giving DH and he seems very happy with her, indeed she is incredibly personable towards him - however, when speaking to me she is somewhat aloof to the point of rudeness. I am not one to let this sort of thing go unnoticed, so when I saw her yesterday, I asked her if I may have a word in private.

I told her that I was aware of her attitude towards me, and how I'd done nothing to warrant it, so asked if she could explain the reason for being so curt. She looked me in the eye and said that while she didn't expect me to know who she was, she remembered me from when I taught her in junior school.

I had a very brief career as a teacher during the very late 1980s. I hated everything about teaching, so much that after qualifying and taking a position in a school, I only spent eight months in the job. I left without completing a single academic year. I then retrained into another and completely different field, and moved some thirty or more miles away. I almost never speak of my time in teaching as it was the lowest point of my life, and I went on to make a new life for myself. Teaching was not for me and put it all behind me.

Long story short, physiotherapist said while she appreciated she had been one of the more (to use her words) "lucky" pupils, and that I'd only ever shouted at her, she remembered well how I'd smacked some of the other children, and even thrown someones desk across the room.

I cannot deny this, I was young (26) and although it wasn't technically allowed, smacking was something which still went on in schools. I don't remember doing it very often. I do remember shouting, and I do remember the incident with the desk, after a child had pushed me to my limit. It was soon after that I went on long-term sick. But no matter what, I never had a single complaint made against me by anyone.

I am shocked this woman remembers so much, I even wonder if in her mind she has exaggerated some of it, but regardless of that I think she is using it inappropriately to influence the way she speaks to me. She told me that while she realises she has been abrupt, she cannot forget the way I had been towards a group of children (from memory they would have been aged 9 or 10). She said I was more than welcome to make a complaint about her, but given that I am not her patient and that the reason for her being the way towards me has nothing to do with what she called the "protected characteristics" (I had to look that one up), there wasn't a great deal I could expect.

I have to admit, this altercation has riled me further. I am not denying my past, heaven knows I have admitted it here, but do I really have to be held hostage to it?

YABU - don't complain

YANBU - complain, this is not professional behaviour in this day and age.

You say yourself she's taking great care of your DH, so doing a good job.
So no, you shouldn't complain.
It's you she's got a problem with, and from what you've said there's no wonder why!
Things like a teacher throwing desks across a room is going to stay with the pupils as they were so small.

She's treating OP's husband, not OP.

She’s acting as a professional by not letting it influence her care of your husband

Yes, exactly this, she sounds professional and good at her job and doesn't need complaining about.

Apologise. Nicely. Sincerely. Without reservation.

This can't be real.

It sounds a lot like you may have traumatised a group of small children. I understand it's in your past, and you've moved on but that sounds absolutely awful, and that's from your perspective. She's providing your husband with the care he needs and it does't sound like she would have confronted you about it. Had you not have bought it up. You really can't blame her for being a but off with you.

I think the issue is you put this behind you and thought you'd gotten away from it however, understandably you don't like this reminder of how you behaved. I think you should just let the women get on with her job.

Wow ! good for her !!!

Many people on MumsNet have bad memories of a school or a job, she took the opportunity to tell you, I bet lots of other people wish they had the opportunity to tell their bullies face to face.

You were not a good teacher, no matter how many excuses you make, thankfully you chose to leave the profession.

You owe her a huge bunch of flowers, I suspect she was one of 30 ? children in the class.
I wonder how the other 29 remember you...

In the late 1980s a teacher hitting kids was definitely not normal and I believe not legal. I was at school then and never saw a teacher hit anyone, threaten or throw items. The physio could make a police complaint about historic child abuse - whether that would be upheld would depend on which country you were in and the dates. Either way you behaved abusively by the standards of the time. Are there really people here who were in primary school in the late 1980s who were hit by their teachers? If you were 11 in 1988 you'd be about 48 now.

If the OP was genuinely sorry though, which she could be, why would she be wanting to put in a complaint about her when she sounds like she's doing a great job with her husband's care?
It's just showing behaviour that hasn't changed, to be sticking the boot in again as an adult.
I'd be sitting the fuck down and grateful that the physio is able to carry on being the professional she is!

I was thinking that, I was a kid in school in the mid to late 80s (UK) and it definitely wasn't normal for teachers to smack kids or throw desks.

Unbelievable OP. She’s actually been incredibly professional, she’s looking after your husband and not you. The fact you’ve blanked everything from this time and moved on says a lot about you….its a shame your poor students couldn’t do the same.

Yes, same here I’m 46 and no smacking

YABU.
As you say she is doing her job very well according, so what exactly will be your complaint?

Interested to know how you responded to her during the conversation?

Exactly, the physio has obviously not let this abuse beat her and has clearly had some good teachers and role models. You never forget bully teachers.

it’s sad that @Toooldforallthisnow Is not showing any remorse, she had an opportunity to apologise and is talking about complaining and potentially damaging this woman’s career

I left school 40 years ago but have never forgotten the sadistic RE teacher who used to throw blackboard rubbers at pupils and on one occasion smashed a pupil's face against his desk, loosening his front teeth. I also remember that she emptied the contents of the waste bin over someone. I too was one of the lucky ones as I was only ever screamed at and humiliated.
Those sorts of behaviours are not forgotten. You have obviously made a negative lasting impression on this woman and your explanation makes it completely understandable. Let this one go.

No you shouldnot make a complaint because she is treating your husband well.

Any normal person would feel ashamed and embarrassed by their behaviour, you have not taken any responsibility for your own. You clamin she must have exaggerated but then admit to throwing a child across a desk. She has no reason to exaggerate, she obviously remembers clearly. You sound like a vindictive, spiteful person. Instead of apologising to her you wish to make a complaint. Pathetic. I sincerely hope you did not have children of your own if this is how you treated other peoples.

Fingers crossed the class band together to make a complaint against her! In what world can she excuse throwing a nine year old across a desk and hitting children?! When I was at school and we had a strict teacher we would shut up and behave. Strict meaning tell us off not smacking us! I bet it did not take much for her to overreact and do that. Also, 26 is not that young, more than old enough to know you can’t use violence to get a point across

I've just had to Google that as I was sure it was 1982 that corporal punishment was banned in the UK.
Seems we're both right as even though there was a case for banning corporal punishment in schools back then, it was complicated and caning could still technically happen up until 1986.
It definitely wasn't the norm when I was at school in the mid 80s. Maybe some schools still did, but it wasn't normal for all of us.

Sorry, but think you need to read again - it says she threw a desk across a room, not a 9 year old!!

I don't think you should make a complaint about her. She's saying she witnessed you assaulting a few children, and shouting at her and throwing furniture. You do not deny doing this.

So tbh she's got every right to tell you how it upset her. She hasn't let it affect your husband's care. She just has a personal issue with you because of your past behaviour.

If you were to complain I'd say it could paint you in a very poor light. If you are admitting to beating children, which you knew was illegal.

You physically and mentally abused children, which she was forced to endure , it’s no wonder she is being by curt with you!

You deserve her curtness rather than making excuses, apologise for your unprofessional conduct and abusive actions!

If she is giving your husband appropriate care then that’s all that matters

Exactly
Does the OP really need to interact with her at all

so was I and our headmaster used to line boys up in the gym so he could get a good run at it with the cane.
Girls were given the slipper
I was hit for forgetting something as simple as forgetting where my coat peg was.

This is how we grew up
A world away from todays isolation rooms and talking it through

You need to ask to speak to her again and apologise for your behaviour. You have no grounds to complain about her.