AIBU to want to make a complaint about a physiotherapist?

[Toooldforallthisnow]

DH currently in hospital (NHS) after a fall, doing ok, but can't come home yet. He is being well looked after and has a physiotherapist who is seeing him regularly.

I visit DH most days, and I have seen this physiotherapist several times now. I have no complaint about the care she is giving DH and he seems very happy with her, indeed she is incredibly personable towards him - however, when speaking to me she is somewhat aloof to the point of rudeness. I am not one to let this sort of thing go unnoticed, so when I saw her yesterday, I asked her if I may have a word in private.

I told her that I was aware of her attitude towards me, and how I'd done nothing to warrant it, so asked if she could explain the reason for being so curt. She looked me in the eye and said that while she didn't expect me to know who she was, she remembered me from when I taught her in junior school.

I had a very brief career as a teacher during the very late 1980s. I hated everything about teaching, so much that after qualifying and taking a position in a school, I only spent eight months in the job. I left without completing a single academic year. I then retrained into another and completely different field, and moved some thirty or more miles away. I almost never speak of my time in teaching as it was the lowest point of my life, and I went on to make a new life for myself. Teaching was not for me and put it all behind me.

Long story short, physiotherapist said while she appreciated she had been one of the more (to use her words) "lucky" pupils, and that I'd only ever shouted at her, she remembered well how I'd smacked some of the other children, and even thrown someones desk across the room.

I cannot deny this, I was young (26) and although it wasn't technically allowed, smacking was something which still went on in schools. I don't remember doing it very often. I do remember shouting, and I do remember the incident with the desk, after a child had pushed me to my limit. It was soon after that I went on long-term sick. But no matter what, I never had a single complaint made against me by anyone.

I am shocked this woman remembers so much, I even wonder if in her mind she has exaggerated some of it, but regardless of that I think she is using it inappropriately to influence the way she speaks to me. She told me that while she realises she has been abrupt, she cannot forget the way I had been towards a group of children (from memory they would have been aged 9 or 10). She said I was more than welcome to make a complaint about her, but given that I am not her patient and that the reason for her being the way towards me has nothing to do with what she called the "protected characteristics" (I had to look that one up), there wasn't a great deal I could expect.

I have to admit, this altercation has riled me further. I am not denying my past, heaven knows I have admitted it here, but do I really have to be held hostage to it?

YABU - don't complain

YANBU - complain, this is not professional behaviour in this day and age.

This.

I’m a teacher, I know how hard it is and I respect you for realising it wasn’t for you and getting out before doing anymore damage, but this woman clearly has strong feelings about what happened back then, and what happened was that you exposed her to child abuse. You need to apologise sincerely and perhaps explain the steps you’ve taken since then to remedy your conduct - I’m assuming you’ve had anger management, counselling etc? Letting a primary school aged child rile your emotions to the point where you are physically abusive is not normal and her feelings are valid. It says a lot for her own professionalism and emotional regulation that she is able to treat your DH well.

I am so utterly shocked by your post. So shocked I can't believe it's true....OR is this is a reverse? Are you the physiotherapist?

If it's true....blimey. Seems like you haven't learnt a thing. I do think you will be really lucky that she doesn't complain about you. How much you affected these children for her to have carried it forward like that. I would have been 10/11 about that time and certainly nobody got smacked in my school then, so not much older than her. Also you justifying what you did. Mind blowing.

Most people would have been mortified and apologised profusely there and then and been so shocked even with themselves... But no, here you are being even more irate because she showed you a mirror!

Wow, just wow

The Education Act of 1986 brought the ban in and it completely banned in 1987.
Private schools 1998 and in Scotland 2002.

I left school in 1985 and they were still using the slipper and cane then.

It was a particularly appalling case of beating that brought about the change

I am shocked this woman remembers so much

You shouldn't be. It's been 40 years since I had a teacher like you and can remember it all. Should never have been allowed near children.

I am that age. Boys, 1 in particular was ‘given the slipper’ fairly regularly. Sometimes teachers put a dot of chalk on the board and made people stand with their nose on it. Those wooden chalk rubbers were thrown and people would leave class with chalk marks on their jumpers.

No parents were complaining about it to my knowledge. Mine didn’t although I was never caned or had the slipper.

I remember when the law changed and there being a ‘you can’t hit us now’ thing at school.

In secondary school, when it was definitely illegal, there was more than 1 incident that would be considered assault now. Catholic school and girl had a hair do deemed inappropriate (hairspray gel etc.). Older female teacher forcibly washed her hair.

That’s great you didn’t experience it. It absolutely happened in the 80’s.

You deserve that and more, I ended up with a real school aversion because of a teacher like you. Chucking desks across the room and hurting children is abuse that ou should have resulted in charges being pressed and prison time. You thought you'd got away scott free but no here is a living reminder of the shitty way you treated children in your care. Low point or not you don't get to have any case.
I'd headbutt my violent teacher if I had the chance and I'm not even a violent person by nature.....no you deserve a cold response and more. Keep your trap shut it's the least you could do.

Over 50 for me.

I remember it well because the boys used to have to line up outside the gym waiting to go in one by one to be canned.
The headmaster would walk through the school with the cane in his hand.
Our school had a central courtyard so everyone could see him coming.

Canning were always at the end of each term….a job lot as it were.

The girls were given the slipper but I have no idea where that was done as no one ever talked about these things. We only know because we saw

In terms of being hit in class that could be for anything at all. Having things thrown across the room at you wasn’t unusual.

I was hit across my bare legs for doing too much homework ( one page extra) when I was 7

You are coming across as seeing yourself a victim but you are not.
The fact that you saw the error of your ways and retrained to a more suitable career does not mitigate the experiences of those children unfortunate enough to come under your care during those months.
You scared her as a young child enough that she’s remembered the incidents decades later yet downplay their impact on her.

I hope you apologised once she explained. You have absolutely no right to feel ‘riled up’ or to complain. It sounds like she has professionally carried out her duties and behaved perfectly kindly to your husband, so I’m unsure what you think you can complain about anyway?

In any circumstances, she has the right to dislike you so long as she carries out her job properly. Especially so in the ones here.

I actually think the OP is a load of tosh. Probably for DM.
It's probably triggering for some. Hasn't me because I was abused twice by teachers and my DM went in to complain. One was a perv. More should have been done about him.
Oh and we had blackboard rubbers and chalk thrown at us. But that wasn't isolated.

I was far from alone, but even now I wonder what I did to make her hate me so much.

You are in the wrong OP

You could try apologising for being an abusive bully that ruined childrens school experience

I was teaching in the eighties, and no, it was not common practise to hit children.

Can’t believe you never realised during your training that teaching wasn’t the job for you, or maybe you did and didn’t think it mattered that you were incapable since you were probably not going to be teaching nice children in a nice school where you would encounter parents who made a fuss.. Sorry, but you don’t sound like a very pleasant person.

This woman has treated your husband well, I am not sure why you think she needs to have any sort of a relationship with you. I think having seen you after so many years there must be something in your attitude that triggered her recognition of you.

You want to complain about her unprofesssional treatment? You acted in contravention of the law, you abused and bullied children to the extent that the impact is still felt many years later, and you think you have something to complain about? In your shoes, which I would never be, I would be keeping my head down - she could, and has every right to, out you!

I don't care how 'down' OP was in her chosen career at 26. She was violent and angry and abusive towards young children in a primary school. And yet here she is excusing her behaviour and 'shocked' that someone remembers it so well.

I'd have refused to have anything to do with you at all and ask that you not be in the room when providing much needed medical services for your husband and said why.

I hope you start to feel all the pain you caused the children in your care and that you need a Physiotherapist to help you get better. That would be a good laugh.
I'd also photograph you and stick your face on Facebook to out you to people who may have suffered from your "low point" so that they could collectively file a police report and you could be incarcerated to pay for your crimes against children.

PS - Just to add, from your own post it seems that you still have anger issues towards other people who dare to stand up to you. Perhaps get some help for your problems?

Blimey, what a read.

Amazed you had to look up the meaning of 'protected characteristics', @Toooldforallthisnow - is that correct?

Her behaviour is unprofessional and she should not be doing it. It won't do her patient much good to speak to his nearest-and-dearest with thinly veiled contempt. But by God, I can understand where she's coming from.

I presume you're in the UK? Corporal punishment had been abolished from public UK schools by the late 1980s. I was primary school aged in the 1980s and no, smacking was NOT still commonplace then in the public system. So what you did was not acceptable even by the standards of 35-40 years ago. I doubt throwing desks across the room would have been acceptable in ANY era, really.

The fact that you're 'shocked' by the fact this woman can remember you abusing or terrorising other children 30 odd years on or that you think the lack of complaints is some kind of mitigation for your out-of-control behaviour is telling, I think.

How did you respond to her?

I'm a bit surprised that people think that someone wouldn't think to complain in a situation like this and thus it's made up (and let me just clarify I absolutely don't think OP should complain or should be anything other than ashamed of her past behaviour!) but this kind of attitude is quite prevalent in our society.

The attitude of making yourself out to be a victim when the concequences of your actions catch up with you and you're exposed to yourself as not being the nice, lovely person you want to think you are.
And if that person is delivering a service of any kind, have their job held over them in a power play by the person doing the abusing as revenge.

This is an extreme situation but it's quite common for people to lie, down play and minimise their own poor behaviour towards others and embellish and exaggerate the response to that behaviour in order to be the victim in the scenario and if it's not tolerated it's usually called 'unprofessional' or 'poor customer service' on behalf of the person doing the job.

You aren't in Manchester are you OP if your first name is Jenny, there are a few of us who'd like to have a reunion 😉

No , don’t complain. It clearly had an affect on her, and I’m not surprised. I get that it was different back then maybe but you say “ it wasn’t allowed but happened “ so realistically- you were acting in an unprofessional manner towards her / other students.

As a direct result of that , she is behaving in what you see as an unprofessional way towards you , but really is she ? You aren’t her patient , she’s remaining professional with your DH and giving him the correct level of care. You aren’t her patient , she owes you nothing , she isn’t being directly horrible to you she’s just being “ aloof bordering rude “ because she’s human and does not like you as a result of things you did that caused her trauma. What good would come of this ? Do you think anyone would really care that she’s not being as friendly towards you as you would like but it’s not impacting on the care she gives to her patient ?

If the care she gives to your husband changes , then yes complain. If you were her patient and it was affecting the care she gave you then yes you should complain. But as it stands , allow her be a human being with feelings and just accept this. Don’t accept if she is being directly rude but if it’s just uncomfortable because she isn’t friendly with you then just accept that and remember that there was a time when she expected you as a professional to be more caring towards her and her peers - all children - and you didn’t.

I am shocked this woman remembers so much, I even wonder if in her mind she has exaggerated some of it

You're shocked?
Just goes to show how badly your behaviour was if she still recognises you all these years later and remembers how awfully you treat those children.

but regardless of that I think she is using it inappropriately to influence the way she speaks to me.

You've just shown that your true colours haven't changed by totally batting off her feelings.

You could have took this opportunity to explain why you did what you did, after all she's an adult now, you should have spoken to her as such.

If there's such a thing as reporting you for what you did in the past you should count yourself lucky that this lady isn't doing so.

You (illegally no less) hit children, threw desks and screamed at them, and you wonder why one of those (now adult) children are giving you a VERY wide berth?

I'd call this a great big dose of "you reap what you sow". You should have apologised profusely to her, not be considering making a complaint.

I was verbally humiliated by my year 5 teacher when I was 9/10 in the mid-90s. I've never ever forgotten it, and if I was to bump into her today, I honestly think I'd struggle not to be "having words".

Speaking as a primary school teacher myself - there are a hundred other ways to deal with difficult kids (I'm so thankful I went on to have an amazing experience with my Year 6 teacher, and he is the one I try to emulate).

You should be ashamed of yourself.