AIBU to want to make a complaint about a physiotherapist?

[Toooldforallthisnow]

DH currently in hospital (NHS) after a fall, doing ok, but can't come home yet. He is being well looked after and has a physiotherapist who is seeing him regularly.

I visit DH most days, and I have seen this physiotherapist several times now. I have no complaint about the care she is giving DH and he seems very happy with her, indeed she is incredibly personable towards him - however, when speaking to me she is somewhat aloof to the point of rudeness. I am not one to let this sort of thing go unnoticed, so when I saw her yesterday, I asked her if I may have a word in private.

I told her that I was aware of her attitude towards me, and how I'd done nothing to warrant it, so asked if she could explain the reason for being so curt. She looked me in the eye and said that while she didn't expect me to know who she was, she remembered me from when I taught her in junior school.

I had a very brief career as a teacher during the very late 1980s. I hated everything about teaching, so much that after qualifying and taking a position in a school, I only spent eight months in the job. I left without completing a single academic year. I then retrained into another and completely different field, and moved some thirty or more miles away. I almost never speak of my time in teaching as it was the lowest point of my life, and I went on to make a new life for myself. Teaching was not for me and put it all behind me.

Long story short, physiotherapist said while she appreciated she had been one of the more (to use her words) "lucky" pupils, and that I'd only ever shouted at her, she remembered well how I'd smacked some of the other children, and even thrown someones desk across the room.

I cannot deny this, I was young (26) and although it wasn't technically allowed, smacking was something which still went on in schools. I don't remember doing it very often. I do remember shouting, and I do remember the incident with the desk, after a child had pushed me to my limit. It was soon after that I went on long-term sick. But no matter what, I never had a single complaint made against me by anyone.

I am shocked this woman remembers so much, I even wonder if in her mind she has exaggerated some of it, but regardless of that I think she is using it inappropriately to influence the way she speaks to me. She told me that while she realises she has been abrupt, she cannot forget the way I had been towards a group of children (from memory they would have been aged 9 or 10). She said I was more than welcome to make a complaint about her, but given that I am not her patient and that the reason for her being the way towards me has nothing to do with what she called the "protected characteristics" (I had to look that one up), there wasn't a great deal I could expect.

I have to admit, this altercation has riled me further. I am not denying my past, heaven knows I have admitted it here, but do I really have to be held hostage to it?

YABU - don't complain

YANBU - complain, this is not professional behaviour in this day and age.

"... however, when speaking to me she is somewhat aloof to the point of rudeness. I am not one to let this sort of thing go unnoticed, so when I saw her yesterday, I asked her if I may have a word in private.
I told her that I was aware of her attitude towards me, and how I'd done nothing to warrant it, so asked if she could explain the reason for being so curt. She looked me in the eye and said that while she didn't expect me to know who she was, she remembered me from when I taught her in junior school...
... I have to admit, this altercation has riled me further. I am not denying my past, heaven knows I have admitted it here, but do I really have to be held hostage to it?"

Unfortunately you are the sort of person who can't "let this sort of thing go unnoticed".

Sometimes it's better to let things pass - especially if you don't already know what the other person is going to tell you - you might learn something you don't want to know.

Also, instead of understanding why this physio behaves in a frosty manner towards you, and instead of apologising for your past behaviour, "it has riled you further", and you want to be petty and to make a complaint against her.

Grow up and drop it. You are being wholly unreasonable

I don't, you make yourself sound just as nasty tbh.
The OP has said she was in a bad place mentally (NOT saying that condones her behaviour, read my other posts, definitely with the physio on this one,!)
Just not comfortable with finding it a laugh to think of pain on others.
The physio's got it right - being professional with her client, OP's DH, whilst wanting little to do with his wife which is fair enough in the circumstances.

This is the best answer and absolutely how this should be handled.

My jaw did just actually drop.

Physiotherapist sounds heroic. She will not be on MN asking if SIBU to tell her bully the truth about what was done to her/them.

The op never came back. Dodgy physical abuse was outlawed in state schools in the uk in the late 80's.

Gosh I’m sorry but you sound like an awful woman. You smacked children and treated them unkindly during your spell as a teacher, including the physio by the sounds of it (albeit not violence towards her?) and then you want to complain about her even though she’s doing her job just fine.

Sounds like you want to absolve yourself of a guilty conscience to me, but this isn’t the way to go about it. Accept that actions have consequences - you say this was a low point in your life, fair enough. But you were not kind to those children and she has not forgotten that. You asked her very bluntly what her problem was and she told you. She’s treating your husband well, move on and reflect on yourself

Same, I'm not surprised either.
Stuff like that stays with you.
In fact this thread has resurfaced a memory of a nurse I had in hospital as a kid.
Right nasty, sadistic cow. I can even remember her name.

I very much doubt the OP will be back. This thread is of the drive-by clickbait variety. 🙄 They are so transparent and tiresome.

This CANNOT be real! If it is, we have a standout winner in the 2025 'Poster with the lowest self-awareness but greatest sense of entitlement' competition.

Wow! Wow! Her description of your behaviour, which you accept, is really shocking. You should be deeply ashamed of yourself, OP. Don’t complain - some self-reflection would be much appropriate but I doubt you are capable of that.

You sound like you still have a horrible streak in your personality. If I had been you I would have apologised to the physiotherapist and explained why I behaved the way I did,

You shouldve apologised to her!

You’ve criticised this woman (she may have exaggerated, she isn’t being professional, you might complain) and excused your own behaviour (it was a low point for you, she’s probably exaggerating, no one complained at the time). I cannot believe you’re excusing your awful behaviour and thinking of complaining about her! Where is your compassion? For her, for the other children. What you did has left a permanent mark on this woman and all you’ve done is talk about how hard it was for you and how you’ve put it behind you! Good for you!! Sounds like those children may not have been able to just out it behind them. And YOU’RE thinking about complaining about HER?? Everything really is about you isn’t it? You sound dreadful.

I'd be apologising to her ,and not taking it any further,be glad she didn't complain about you at the school

Agree. I’ve reported it and I expect it’ll disappear soon.

I am shocked that in the 80s you smacked a child and threw a table across the room. What were you thinking? 26 is old enough to know that was wrong. I am not surprised the physiotherapist has remembered you. I remember my first infant teacher, who was lovely, children have long memories. I am glad you stopped teaching btw, obv not for you (nor me, but I never threw a desk across the room, even when a boy of fifteen simulated masturbation in front of me - I had him removed).

Good for her.
I experienced similar as a quiet well behaved 9/10 year old from an absolute scary evil bitch of a teacher ,as an adult i was in a shop and saw her with her teenage son ,had he have not been there i would have told her how her behaviour affected me in no uncertain terms but didn't want to upset her son.
Maybe one day i will get another chance.
The second that woman told you how she knew you should have given her the most genuine heartfelt apology with no excuse for your atrocious behaviour.
You are totally unreasonable to expect any other kind of response from her, actually reading your post has made me feel really angry on behalf of any one who ever had /has the misfortune to cross the path of a teacher who behaved the way you did.
Thank God you chose not to continue.

You sound awful and certainly never should have been near children.
I hope if you had your own you didn't damage them.
Leave her be and don't complain.

This. In spades.
You’re blaming a child as there were no complaints against you by primary school pupils who you’ve scared for life?
fuck me.
i hope you do complain and the physio gets a month off sick and some therapy thrown in from your complaint to deal with the shock of seeing you and you actually reliving things for her by pulling her aside like that. You sound horrific.
#teamphysio

I agree.

Children do remember the negative stuff from school.

I can remember struggling to do Long Division. I was aged about 10. The teacher put a question on the board and told us to solve it. I couldn't do it.
After a while she asked for answers. When she asked me I said I couldn't do it.
She told me "not to be stupid". I was humiliated.
She never did show me how to do it.
I always had a problem with maths after that.

Mrs Murphy, you old cow, I hope you're thoroughly miserable wherever you are.! 😡

Quite disturbing how you actually make yourself out to be a victim in this.

This!

And the fact that the physio remembers this so many years later shows how distressing your behaviour must have been to those poor children. The whole tone of your post shows that you have no insight into the damage you have done.

I was a girly swot until I hit my teens, so never got into trouble at primary school, but I can still recall how shocked we all were when one boy got caned for something, and the horrible teacher who used to shout at kids who were arsing about, and this was over 60 years ago.

I'm not surprised the physio was a bit short with you, you probably traumatised her. Anyway she's treating your husband, not you, so she doesn't need to interact with you at all.

JFC you have admitted that you smacked primary school children and threw a desk across the room but you think it was OK because none of the parents put in a complaint about you? One of my children was in primary school in the last 80s and none of the children were ever smacked.

The physiotherapist was aloof because she was probably traumatised by your behaviour and seeing you brought it all back. She was being kind and professional with your DH who was the actual patient but you saw fit to take her to one side to complain that she wasn't being nice enough to you.

If you complain, your illegal actions as a teacher will be a matter of public record. The physiotherapist could probably say that she had PTSD as a result of your behaviour. What do you hope to achieve by doing this?

Yep, OP's essentially admitted she's still quite combative, rather than reflective.

Fwiw i was in junior school in the 70s. We still had the cane, and teachers had much more free rein to manage the class as they saw fit. Despite that, i don't remember any teacher physically assaulting puils in class, or throwing furniture around. Even by the standards of my day, you behaviour sounds truly awful.

It's good you bailed out of teaching, and acknowledge your aggression. But for the love of all that's holy don't now add insult to injury by complaining about an ex pupil who has good reason to loathe you, but is professional enough to be treating your DH well. A teacher hitting 9 year old pupils today would probably be looking at a custodial sentence. Maybe chew on that, instead.

Give your head a wobble.
Take yourself down a peg or three!
You obviously traumatised this nurse as a child.
Ask her for forgiveness and try to be a better person.
You actually threw a DESK??

Wow, you sound like a horrible person, then and now.