Friend asked dh for 2 year loan

[ParsnipPuree]

Dh’s closest friend broke down to dh and told him he’s in trouble. Owes £25k to a friend who now needs it back. Dh offered to help on the basis it’s payed back in instalments every month for up to 2 years.

I am friends with his wife who is oblivious. Her dh won’t confide in her. She doesn’t know there’s a problem so will carry on as normal. I don’t think she’s a big spender but that’s not the point. They had a week away shortly before her dh and mine had this conversation.

Im angry because if there was a medical situation they couldn’t cover, that would be one thing but they’re obviously living beyond their means. Dh is taking the money out his company so it doesn’t affect me. If my friend knew she’d be mortified.

"Your husband is putting his friend ahead of his family."

If your husband gives him this money, he's putting the "friend" ahead of you and his business that you are a part of.

I would try and put a stop to this before it happens. If he’s struggling paying back the other friend, then how is he going to pay DH back? And why is his best friend stepping in now, who is the friend he went to money first? If he’s crying over it, this first friend must be getting arsey about not getting the money back, and there must be a reason for that.
I’d sympathise with the friend if it was something that had gone wrong and was totally out of his control, but he would have other options if he swallowed his pride and was honest with his wife, but it sounds like his priority is to continue keeping her in the dark. If he allowed her to know what was happening then they could cut back spending or she could get a job, I’d also be annoyed at taking a hit from processing the business so that she can continue to live without working and funding that lifestyle. Plus what if he did become ill or something terrible happened to him and you’d be down that money as DH would surely write it off? Loaning money to someone who has said they are suicidal doesn’t seem clever. No way would I be touching this.

It's actually legal to lend with interest to friends and family.

This .

Do not let it happen.

I would be saying to my dh this would be happening over my dead body.

And I'd go the friend now and tell him in no uncertain terms is he not to take a penny from your dh and take food out of your childrens mouths to fund his fancy 4 kids SAHM lifestyle.

If dh went ahead and gave the money... I'd be over at the house the same night telling the wife and asking for her to get her husband to give the money back and I'd be making a scene until it happened.

I wouldnt be waiting for missed payments or skiing holidays.

And i'd wouldnt give a shit about blowing up his nice life or his "friendship" with your dh....
because, be assured, he doesnt care about blowing up your life or putting friction in your marriage or putting his friend in an uncomfortable spot.

Taking our friend’s word, he was never going to pay back the other person in one go. The other friend has said something has come up and he needs the lot back now.

What f something comes up for your family?
No chance of him paying it back

I think your DH would be mad to do this without a legally binding loan agreement drawn up and witnessed by a solicitor. My friend did this for a neighbour when her husband left her with a new baby, so she could buy him out of the house. It was paid back in regular instalments as per the agreement. If your DH goes ahead without one, I highly doubt he will see the money again. Especially if his friend has managed to get into 25K of debt by overspending rather than unexpected life circumstances.

The other friend has got so fed up with the scraps he’s giving him and has had enough of begging for his own money back. He’s given him an ultimatum, rob Peter to pay Paul Now

So the friend doesn’t want to tell his wife, doesn’t want your DH to tell you and doesn’t appear to want to change his spending habits (hence the recent week away).

The friend is in complete denial. Unless he faces up to the situation and tells his wife there is little chance that he/they will amend their spending habits and pay the debt off. Under these conditions it’s highly unlikely your husband will be repaid - and the friendship will be severed.

Tbh , I'd be livid if my husband went ahead with this , showing total disrespect to you his wife, any large financial commitment should be a joint decision.

You need to get your DH to get a legally binding loan agreement signed at the very least. Thinks like this break relationships

When dh told me he wanted to do the loan, he said he doesn’t care if friend goes on holiday as long as the agreed amount per month is consistently paid. To which I told him that if it isn’t, I’ll 100% be telling my friend.

And tell DH that if the friend misses two months it won't be his wife you'll be telling, it'll be the Financial Conduct Authority. They'd be very interested.

If course he does.

But do you actually believe there's another mug friend that would lend him £25k ?

Why are you so sure this other friend actually exists?

I’d be so angry about this I’d tell DH if he goes ahead I’d be telling the friend’s wife. And do it. You need to match the user friend with a bit of blackmail. The whole thing is shocking.

Have you told her yet...? Why wait until he doesn't pay? What makes you think your DH will be honest with you about whether the friend has paid back or not?

You need to understand where this debt came from in the first place. Also, how much does he earn? Are his children in private school?

If he is not spending money on drugs or gambling and it’s chronic overspending, he will really struggle to tighten his belt because it means living within his means (which he’s been completely unable to do) AND find an extra £1000 a month.

If he takes home (for example) £10k a month, no private school fees, mortgage is £2k, I’d be inclined to believe it is doable. But if when it is laid out, he takes home £5k, has a £3k mortgage…you can see it won’t be.

You need to understand more before parting with any money.

What screams out at me to be a lie though is:

Friend X apparently lent Friend Y money on a set of terms Friend Y has then stuck to. Friend Y is now desperate to the point of being suicidal because this loan is being called in immediately, outside of the agreed terms. This is just not feasible - because while Friend X might want the money back, Friend X will not be stupid if he’s had £25k+ lying around to be able to lend it in the first place. You can’t get blood out of a stone. He can’t call in a loan if the terms have been adhered to (even if it was informal, he will get nowhere in court, which would be his only way of actually attempting to get the money immediately). I think the panic is coming from the fact that Friend X loaned money to Friend Y and Friend Y has NOT been paying it back as agreed (because as above, he can’t afford to). Friend X knows Wife Y doesn’t know so has a lever on Friend Y, and is using that to apply pressure and get his money back. Friend Y is suicidal (or ‘suicidal’) at the thought of his cleverly constructed house of cards all falling down around him. He’s NOT suicidal at the prospect of losing everything over failure to immediately repay this loan, because there is no way on this earth that that would be feasible, possible or actionable. I’d bet my own house on this being the case.

Tell the wife immediately and see the fall out.

And when the truth if the matter comes out you'll be glad you didn't hand £25,000 to the man, and so will your DH.

If they are best friends, does DH know the person he borrowed off previously? Can you verify the amount he borrowed & whether he was re-paying it? It sounds like a very ‘round’ sum to owe someone after a number of re-payments.

When someone asks for money, it’s either a gift or a no in my opinion.

Just to be clear, I’m not trying to say he ‘should’ give him £25k. The point I’m trying to make is that if he can’t afford to lose it, then it 100% has to be option b, a BIG FAT NO!

Does the person who previously lent him the money have a wife in finance who recently had a big, posh 50th birthday party?

Just askin’

No way will you see that money again

I’d find out how long ago and on what agreement the original loan was made - if it turns out he said similar to that friend and has not made agreed repayments then why would your husband expect differently

I’ve just spoken to dh. He’s having a proper loan agreement drawn up and there will be a monthly standing order. It is a 12 month loan. Friend has told dh he knows he has been living beyond his means and will rein it in.

I also told dh, on advice from here, that I’m not an idiot and there will be tax implications. He put his accountant on the phone and asked him the question, to which the answer was that there will be no tax implication to the company making a loan.

I think your DH should ask for the other party’s bank details and tell him that he will pay it directly to them… bet that will go down like a lead balloon.

No-one should lend money without evidence of where it is going or a written, binding agreement regarding repayment terms and interest.

Agree with others that if he is threatening suicide, it is morally reprehensible not to alert the wife. If is bluff, he’ll get caught out; he it’s true, he’ll get the support he needs without leaving her and their kids at risk.

Nope.. sorry!