Friend asked dh for 2 year loan

[ParsnipPuree]

Dh’s closest friend broke down to dh and told him he’s in trouble. Owes £25k to a friend who now needs it back. Dh offered to help on the basis it’s payed back in instalments every month for up to 2 years.

I am friends with his wife who is oblivious. Her dh won’t confide in her. She doesn’t know there’s a problem so will carry on as normal. I don’t think she’s a big spender but that’s not the point. They had a week away shortly before her dh and mine had this conversation.

Im angry because if there was a medical situation they couldn’t cover, that would be one thing but they’re obviously living beyond their means. Dh is taking the money out his company so it doesn’t affect me. If my friend knew she’d be mortified.

Oh I see now what this is about for you Seafloral. Well I’ve had your life, supporting myself with my own business.. point is I adore my life now with dh, traveling the world with friends and our lovely family (he can work from anywhere) and I wouldn’t trade with you for the world.
Not wanting to upset you but nothing unraveling here, we both very much appreciate our lives and our marriage built on honesty and gratitude.

The more you post, the more difficult it is becoming to work out what you want from this thread.
Your life is perfect. Your DH is perfect. There’s no impact on your life if you don’t get the £25k back. Accountants says it’s all fine, tax-wise (although as an accountant myself, I fail to see how that is possible, unless the business is a moneylending one?). I don’t know what you are questioning. Life is one big bed of roses.

Clearly he has given you reason! You said further up that if you said anything to the wife then your DH would stop telling you about any loans etc in the future. Withholding relevant information is pretty dishonest behaviour, and saying 'if you tell them I'm not going to tell you any more info" is like blackmail.

I don't think many people are worried about OP's money/lifestyle, they clearly can afford this. I think people are more worried about the friends wife and the lack of respect and honesty being shown towards her by her husband, which OP and DH are complicit in

Supposedly the loan has been called in because the lender needs the money, but was it really because DH's friend hasn't been keeping up the payments due to his spending exceeding his available income. He's not likely to tell DH this is he? If it is the latter any sensible person would run a mile.

Why doesn’t your DH just tell his mate to go to a bank…

Maybe your husband should ask the last person to lend this guy money whether he made the payments on time before he asked for it all back.

At least that would rule out the possibility he borrows from friends and then dicks them about until they threaten him with court then he lines up the next one.

If you've actually run your own business then I'm surprised you don't know more about the responsibilities of being a director then. Equally I very much doubt your life was ever like mine. A professional, educated woman couldn't live like you are with your head in the sand. Enjoy the holidays and adoring your life, a far cry from your first few posts in which you said it would have a very negative effect on your marriage if your DP went ahead and did this. I guess you have no say though.

You did start the thread with quite a different attitude to this £25,000.

You started by saying it was too much, DH is being taken for a soft touch, it would affect your marriage negatively. You categorically said your are "NOT comfortable with it at all" and essentially you're angry with DH for doing this.

But now it's different somehow? What's changed? You seem to be fine with DH and telling us how wonderful he is? Despite him giving his friend a £25,000 gift that will mean YOU and DH will have to pay £25,000 back to the company.

It's built in honesty until you tell the wife and then he will withold information... ?

I do think it would be worth paying to the person owed direct (if you go lend it). The chap might only owe someone 10k but added some on for a nice long haul holiday and a safety net.

interesting.

What made him change his mind?

Funnily enough Seafloral, all my educated (as am I) professional girlfriends are very happily living ‘like me’.. retired early and enjoying life with their families and friends.

With regards to this issue, turns out I must’ve had a say as after a lengthy conversation, dh has decided against lending his friend the money.

Huh?

@ParsnipPuree
dh has decided against lending his friend the money.

That must be a relief, it was never going to end well.

Thank heavens for that @ParsnipPuree

Thank you! Yes.

Still think that the only reason he needs the money is the previous person he has borrowed it from has been defaulted on and done the same as you. Repay me it all or I tell your wife. So he’s moved onto the next victim and it repeats. Interest free amongst all his friends! Ask who the previous lender was and what they say about it! Clearly couldn’t pay them back!

Retired early suggests you're funding your own retirement which in your case you aren't. But hey ho, semantics. Glad your DH has seen sense. Guess MN proved useful in helping you both.

Thank god for that!

With regards to this issue, turns out I must’ve had a say as after a lengthy conversation, dh has decided against lending his friend the money.

That is good to read.

Has he though? Or has he decided that the path of least resistance is to tell you he has changed his mind, whilst carrying on? After all, you said further up that if you did something he didn't like he wouldn't tell you about anything in the future?
I hope this is genuinely the case, for all concerned though, but from everything you have said, I have my doubts

Unless he's lying...

Glad to hear that!