To be disappointed they've changed their mind about the money?

[hoopoemagic]

Feeling a bit sorry for myself. My parents had offered to gift me a deposit for a little house for me and DS following a break up but, as I could only afford one in one of the less desirable areas, they've now changed their mind.

Totally within their rights and I've just reassured them it's totally fine but currently feeling very disappointed. I'm on my mid forties and have been left with nothing after my break up so no chance of buying now. Not the end of the world, but feeling very sad to have lost the opportunity.

So they've changed their minds because of where you'd have to buy? Was the money coming with conditions then? Because if it was, then you've dodged a bullet.

But it's still sad and I feel for you.

So they've withdrawn the offer because they don't like the area?

Discuss a better area which they might approve of and put your cards on the table. They might be willing and able to increase their contribution.

A gift with strings attached is not a gift. It's sad, but I think you dodged a bullet there. I am sorry, though. It's hard.

They only have the money because they are very cautious, and they are worried about me ending up stuck somewhere a bit rough and unable to sell in the future. They've also started worrying about what happens if I lost my job etc. and would all the money be lost.

I think they meant the offer very kindly and made it with love, they've just got cold feet.

How could the money be lost if it's invested in a house? If you lost your job you'd just get another one or sell the house! It sounds as though their 'caution' is a little bit overdone.

Maybe, yeah. I didn't quite agree with that worry but it is their money and they've worked hard for it.

That's awful, am really sorry. I know how desperate it feels after a break up with limited finances too, this would have been such a light in the darkness. Can you speak to them properly about it and offer some reassurances about your job, the area etc.?

Their concerns are reasonable, although you're not unreasonable to be disappointed.

Could you talk to them, or actually show them, houses/flats in areas they'd be happier with? Or look at resale values in the area you think you can afford?

Could you lower both your and their expectations about the kind of place you can afford? Do some searching together sop they get a feel for the market and maybe you can find a compromise - eg a flat rather than a house, or a smaller house than you'd like ideally, or whatever. My first house had no hot water or heating. I coped and worked 2 jobs to save up to put in a boiler and heating.

BTW, losing your job - you can insure your mortgage for that.

well now you know they think more of the money than they do of you......

Oh this sucks but can you keep looking? Maybe look at something that is smaller in a nicer area? After a divorce I ended up buying in an 'old people's' area which wasn't really what I wanted but is actually lovely and quiet and I've got no regrets! Perhaps there's still some way around this...?

They are nice thoughts but I was already looking at the very bottom of the market, which is part of the problem. I can't really object, I should be able to stand on my own feet by now.

Nevermind. Might treat myself to a bottle of wine while DS is at his dad's tonight and then pick myself up and dust myself off tomorrow.

How did you come out of a divorce with nothing, especially with a shared child? You need a better solicitor!!

Because we weren't married and I was too trusting. My parents have never said anything about my terrible decision making but it is really my own fault I'm in this position so I shouldn't expect anyone to help me.

Oh dear. I think girls should be taught this stuff in schools.

you are taking it really well , I’d be devastated you can get income protection and rough areas can gentrify

really cruel to offer then withdraw

Im sure ive read this before??

It is really gutting, I've done a lot of crying today. I think they offered in good faith but thought I could get better than I can. It's not like I can rent anywhere better really though but it's not my decision I guess.

They really have been loving and supportive parents my whole life, I can't hold this one against them.

If life has taught me one thing it's that I'm not that special 😉i suspect this is not an entirely unique situation.

I have to say that the way you talk about yourself negatively and your parents so positively even after what they have done does not scream to me that you had a decent loving childhood. I'd be having a think about that. A normal healthy reaction would be to be furious at them.

What a sad situation. If you can only afford a house in a rough area which worries them, could you look at a small flat in a nicer area and ask for a deposit for that? At least you would be on the property ladder and perhaps your fortunes will change over the next few years and you can buy something bigger.

That's very cruel, how awful to be offered something that would make your life a lot bette and then have it snatched away from you by the people who offered it.
You trusted them to be as good as their word and so you would have started to feel better about things, to make plans for a better life because it didn't enter your head that they would rescind the offer like this. I'd be extremely upset.
Humans seem to be rather prone to becoming self-centered as they get older without necessarily realizing that this has happened to them, that's the only explanation I can offer off the top of my head.

Its really rotten of them to withdraw the offer. I understand you don't want to fall out with them but it's also OK to be angry with them. Even if you don't say it out load. They offered you a life line and then snatched it away.

This with bells on. Either that or your marriage did a number on you.

And I think boys should be taught how to take responsibility for there own children’s welfare