Weird and offensive or I am overreacting?

[RememberThatGuy]

Quick sense check here please - my husband just left for work and as usual he sends me a nice message from the car. today’s message was a bit weird and I have taken offence at it but am I over reacting? I have attached a screenshot but the message boils down to “have a nice day, I have made your lunch, remember you have a husband”

I admit I am on the defensive because yesterday he left without saying bye, then when I questioned it he pretended nothing was wrong. Then eventually admitted that he was a bit moody and apologised.

For context I do not have amnesia or dementia, I have never cheated or not returned home from work or in anyway at all forgotten that I am married.

wow if you read the first message then it's def an over reaction, then there is more
the silent treatment if no sex
not being allowed to take lunch in
If speaking to a man at the gym then results in 10 days of rows
eating tuna salad means no kisses for two days.

I mean, it's a killer list. Be careful OP.

Honestly OP this "man" has more red flags than a peri menopausal womans period app.

Arguments about what you can wear at the gym?
Stop pandering to him, stop fitting in with the strict confines he imposes. He’s your jailer.
Ditch him and live your life.

You do not have to know “the truth of the matter” you only gave to know YOUR truth.

He said/she said is for an adversarial relationship or a court of law. A marriage or a sexual relationship is not a legal situation. You don’t argue your case or have to prove one is right and the other is wrong! On the contrary once the relationship starts to turn into an inquisition with tools of torture to wrest a confession from you its time to bail out.

Another way of looking at the relationship—and this might be in obedience of the recommended books—is medically, as though the relationship is a body that is sick or well. Can any medicine save it? Do you need to amputate a dead limb in order to survive?

Or maybe your life is a garden and you are the gardener—this man is a weed that blew in snd at first appeared nutritious or or ornamental but now, a few years on, you realize is really fast growing bindweed and it us choking the life out of the other plants and making the work of gardening unpleasant rather than a delight.

You don’t need to debate with the bindweed about its right to take over the garden—its your garden! You decide what stays and what goes!

I don’t think she did at all. I also don’t think you have read all the OPs posts or you wouldn’t have posted something so daft. She’s obviously in an abusive relationship.

I read it as 'remember you have a husband who loves you and makes you lunch'. Ie, a nice comment. If he is nasty or weird in other ways that's another matter, but this message on its own is fine.

No joke... this man gives me the creeps.

I'd suggest reading the updates.

After reading all of your posts @RememberThatGuy I think I understand where you're coming from. My ex was like this, he did his best to stop me having any sort of interaction really with other men, it was controlling behaviour but he hid it under a veneer of caring and joking around so that he didn't come across as outwardly mean and controlling. So, he tried to make out I was unreasonable/too sensitive if I mentioned I didn't like his behaviour and little digs. It was horrible for me and he's an ex for good reasons.

Your Dh's behaviour is damaging (I didn't fully realise how on edge I always was, how often I was doubting myself, until my ex was out of my life). Very slowly but surely, behaviour like this lowers your self esteem. Because, if he's not being very outwardly controlling and tells you that you're overreacting, then you start to think you're the problem. He shouldn't be messing with your head like this, you aren't doing anything wrong, it's up to him to deal with his insecurities.

He "lets" you go to the gym alone only when he's not there, and controls what you wear there. Just, please, read that back. It's toxic. All of his behaviour is toxic.

I did say that the message on its own is fine, and that is what OP was asking.

11pages in? Show some respect.

I feel quite panicky reading your posts OP.

Stand up to him ,what a control freak

Wow you sound hard work.

I think his reaction to you telling him on Sunday that you don’t want a packed lunch as you want to eat in the canteen will be telling.

He says “no problem” - all is good.

He sulks and/or makes you lunch anyway and you know the lunch-making is for his benefit not yours.

Um, respect to other posters? Right.

He makes your lunch, what a fucking abusive cunt he is.

See a solicitor and divorce him ASAP. 🙄

He sounds like a guy who cares about you being perved over at the gym or at work. He "lets you go" to the gym, or maybe he enjoys your company? He doesn't want you to be fat, or he wants you to be healthy?

Mine has never commented on my weight or prepared food for me - he'll produce the odd bag of crisps - but he knows I only have eyes for him and Bradley Whitford 😍

I don't think you can really get this question answered correctly on here. There is so much context lost. He may be feeling unappreciated and it's a dig about remembering he exists when you are preoccupied with work. But ... we don't and can't know the context behind it. It could almost be taken as a threatening reminder to you about loyalty to him as you leave for a day at work where he cannot keep an eye on you and who you talk to.

For example, my MIL asks some very innocent questions to my children and husband about me and different aspects of my life which are so easy to be passed off as just taking an interest in me. But my husband knows her well (as do I) and we know she's just building a case, double checking things she's already asked me, to raise yet another gripe about me. She is obsessed with the idea that I lie about everything. It's only that she spent a decade doing this to my husband prior to turning on my that we both know it's not innocent comments, it's all about control and manipulation.

You are picking fights with him over nothing, both today and yesterday... why?

You figure out whats causing you to lash out over tiny things because it will not be this message or a missed goodbye thats the core of your irritation/anger.

He makes her lunch despite her not wanting him to so she eats at her desk and doesn't speak to any men so Yes he is an abusive cunt
Read OP's posts even if you can't be arsed read the whole thread properly

Christ Almighty what an over reaction!! (by you)

On Sunday I am going to say, I don't need lunch tomorrow thanks, I am going to grab a tuna salad from the canteen.
He will complain because he hates tuna and raw onion and he won't kiss me for about two days. I might add pickles and make it three days!

You don't want to kiss him? You'd deliberately eat food that makes him NOT kiss you?
He's your husband - why wouldn't you want to kiss him?

Because he's a cunt?

Fucking hell. Get away from this controlling nutter, and yes, then you can forget you ever had a Husband.

What an absolute arsehole.