To think why are there so many unattractive, dysfunctional men ?

[ursulone]

Firstly I am not perfect and certainly don't expect anyone else to be. I am well aware there are women who fall into all the categories I am about to mention. I am in middle age and happily single (divorced). When I did briefly date, I met a variety of men, most of whom certainly had issues. I recently attended a housewarming party in a city around 2 hours from where I live. Women were all personable, made a big effort with appearance, sociable, variety of interests, Most of the men, certainly the straight seeming ones, were badly dressed, no effort, bad skin, some BO/bad breath, talked only about themselves, didn't seem interested in anything much. One or two seemed to have quite challenging financial circumstances, not sure why. Thing is, if being a single man is quite as bleak an experience as one male friend said it was (mainly according to him, as men are too competitive with one another to be as supportive friends as women are to each other, and men in relationships don't hand around with single men) why don't they make an effort? Obviously its not like it is compulsory to be be the best version of yourself but some of there guys come across like they've just given up.

Of that I have no doubt.
I can imagine.

However when nice, relatively well.adjusted people are single ....the men are more likely to get snapped up by decent partners than the women I think; because there are fewer of them.

Also younger women are still more likely to consider older men for a relationship than vice versa so they have a bigger pool.

the men are more likely to get snapped up by decent partners than the women I think; because there are fewer of them.

Why do you believe there are fewer dysfunctional middle-aged single women than there are men?

I'd say crime numbers are a clue...

Have you ever looked at the Stately Homes threads here on Mumsnet? If you're not familiar with them they're a very long running series of threads by and for people who have suffered abuse from family members.

One of the many things that stand out among the appalling stories of atrocious and damaging behaviour is how many of the perpetrators of that abuse were women. Mothers, sisters, grandmothers, MILs, SILs etc. I've not done a count but I'm pretty sure the majority of the abusers on that thread are women. Few, if any, of those situations will have resulted in a criminal conviction.

I have no doubt whatsoever that men are overwhelmingly more violent towards women than vice-versa. It's horrific. But you don't have to have violence to have an abusive relationship.

Behavioural.patterns among men;

The greater likelihood of men being on the spectrum.

The greater likelihood of men being narcissistic, sociopathic etc.

The greater likelihood of men having fetishes and paraphilias.

The greater likelihood of men using the sex industry.

The greater likelihood of men being domestic abusers.

The behaviour of men due to social conditioning & gender roles.

Few, if any, of those situations will have resulted in a criminal conviction

Few situations with male perpetrators result in convictions either.

They are still vastly over represented in sex offences, child sex offences, violent offences and murders however.

I think that a lot of guys just have no interest in being with a woman that tries to impose their superficial standards of acceptable fashion, car, insta projected lifestyle, etc, onto them.

An easy way of avoiding those women is to dress casual and be themselves.

You asked how we could see how men were more dysfunctional than women. Criminal convictions for men also don't cover verbal and mental abuse, often perpetuated by men on complete strangers (every road rage incident I have ever seen) - women do bad things too, but you asked how we can tell men are more dysfunctional.

I think the younger older thing is starting to equalise, I’m in my mid 40s and most of my interest is from men in their 20s and 30s. Same for my friends

Good post

It is an undeniable fact that the vast majority of violent crime is committed by men. It is also an undeniable fact that the vast majority of men don't commit violent crime.

Vast majority of children are killed by women.

I have known women like those women on those threads. I’m not defending them as we can all choose how we act, but when I’ve heard about their lives it’s because of how men have treated them or their mums. Abuse, rape, control, awful husbands etc
Think of men who become horrible or damaged.. it’s usually down to other men. Violence, paedophilia, angry or absent dads etc

I think a lot of women are struggling with emotional immaturity/trauma/MH. And that leads to emotional abuse/neglect/toxic behaviours

Its be foolish to think that men are somehow more mature or less toxic though!

I feel this is different from what the OP was talking about.
Saying that a similar number of men/women aren’t marriage material (due to immaturity etc etc) is one thing. But fir me, the not having a shower befire going out to a social event, refusing to take any care if your appearance, talking over people etc… that’s entitlement.

Itd be interesting to see if there is a link in between the two.

Have you seen Gaza? Honestly, ridiculous thing to say.

Incorrect. It varies by location but worldwide between 60 and 86% of child murders are committed by men.

The poster, and I think you knew this, was referring to domestic killings. Honestly, ridiculous thing to say.

Domestic? As in UK or home? I'm going to guess more men stab kids on the street, shoot and bomb places, run over them in cars, for example killing more than the odd female with ppd.

Seen, military service is compulsory for women in Israel 😂just saying…

As in the home. Again, I think you know this.

It's still 2 males fighting using other people.

https://theconversation.com/men-and-women-kill-their-children-in-roughly-equal-numbers-and-we-need-to-understand-why-153527

I was saying , and again I think you ......, your reference to Gaza was ridiculous within the context of this thread.

If you make blanket statements about women killing more kids than men, what do you expect?

I didn't. I different poster said that.

I expect rational debate.