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Original poster

To think why are there so many unattractive, dysfunctional men ?

301 replies

ursulone · 25/04/2025 00:19

Firstly I am not perfect and certainly don't expect anyone else to be. I am well aware there are women who fall into all the categories I am about to mention. I am in middle age and happily single (divorced). When I did briefly date, I met a variety of men, most of whom certainly had issues. I recently attended a housewarming party in a city around 2 hours from where I live. Women were all personable, made a big effort with appearance, sociable, variety of interests, Most of the men, certainly the straight seeming ones, were badly dressed, no effort, bad skin, some BO/bad breath, talked only about themselves, didn't seem interested in anything much. One or two seemed to have quite challenging financial circumstances, not sure why. Thing is, if being a single man is quite as bleak an experience as one male friend said it was (mainly according to him, as men are too competitive with one another to be as supportive friends as women are to each other, and men in relationships don't hand around with single men) why don't they make an effort? Obviously its not like it is compulsory to be be the best version of yourself but some of there guys come across like they've just given up.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
FightingFish · 26/04/2025 07:44

Expecting someone to be clean, brush their hair/teeth, wear deodorant is the bare minimum. Not talking about dating, but I’ve worked with men that have absolutely stunk of BO and another with missing/rotten teeth. This is in an office setting and I’ve never seen a woman colleague in such a state. It’s fine to be low maintenance and not spend much time on clothes/appearance but it is never acceptable not to be clean. These men seem happy to inflict their odour on others, unbelievably some have been in relationships!

QueefQueen80s · 26/04/2025 07:59

FightingFish · 26/04/2025 07:44

Expecting someone to be clean, brush their hair/teeth, wear deodorant is the bare minimum. Not talking about dating, but I’ve worked with men that have absolutely stunk of BO and another with missing/rotten teeth. This is in an office setting and I’ve never seen a woman colleague in such a state. It’s fine to be low maintenance and not spend much time on clothes/appearance but it is never acceptable not to be clean. These men seem happy to inflict their odour on others, unbelievably some have been in relationships!

This is it, this thread is about the state of single men but there are far more married ones in the same state.
I used to wonder why gay men made more effort so I asked my friends who said men are more visually stimulated so they try to appeal to that like women do.
Which is bollocks, look at how women fawn over handsome, nice smelling men with good bodies and haircuts.
If men want more sex, want to attract women then they need to make more effort.

EstherGreenwood63 · 26/04/2025 08:13

Yes I have always considered cleanliness is next to sexiness.

2Boiledeggs · 26/04/2025 08:17

I wouldn’t underestimate that women notice each other more so there are more drivers to look better. Not heard many “oh my goodness did you see what he had on” conversations in all male company .

100% agree with @FightingFish . I really don’t know how and why it happens. I have two long term single male friends who are immaculate and spotless (child free) houses so it not being single.

It’s definitely a man problem but unfortunately it’s not just personal care. What is more worrying lack of engagement with health services resulting in longer term life threatening conditions. I’ve already lost two friends early which is just so sad. It’s for men to fix men.

CountryTunes · 26/04/2025 08:31

CorkBottlePink · 25/04/2025 10:58

I'm just coming up to 50 and was widowed 15 years ago.

Now DC are at university and I'm home alone, I've started to think about dating.

I haven't done any OLD or anything like that, but I've met available men who have shown an interest. Without exception, they are:

  • Boring and monotonous, but presume I'll find them infinitely interesting. Lecturing. They love* to mansplain my job and give their 'insight' of my industry to me, despite knowing absolutely nothing about it.
  • Tell me the value of my house and probably my pension!
  • Just generally patronise me constantly.
  • Bad hygiene.
  • Bad diet.
  • Highly focused on sex (1970s innuendos before barely knowing me - don't take my number from s group chat and message asking if I want to go to a farmers' market with aubergine and laughter emojis, it isn't sexy).

I really could go on, but it's miserable.

Where are you meeting these men? OLD is the same, i thought in RL would have been different.. disturbing to know

WinterFoxes · 26/04/2025 08:43

ForeverDelayedEpiphany · 25/04/2025 12:46

To be fair, some of the funniest, lovely men I've known have been a bit like this. Slightly quirky, and not particularly attractive but kind and sweet.

Are you single? Can I hook you up with the friend I mentioned earlier? 🤣🤣🤣

AbigfanofDogs · 26/04/2025 09:03

I also think a lot of women think they look younger/ better with Botox and Fillers, in reality it can look terrible

SmegmaCausesBV · 26/04/2025 09:04

JudesBiggestFan · 25/04/2025 23:48

In my experience, women on dating sites can be a bit deluded. I’ve known several in their mid- late 40s ruling out bald men 5-10 years older…even if kind and solvent. Yet reality dictates the very handsome mid 30 year olds they were swiping right on were going to have many options of women 10 years younger and they’d go for those every time. I’m always a bit mystified by it…in any market you have to be realistic. So many of the men being ruled out - fair enough, they were commitment phones and sociopaths. But the nice ones, the kind ones, the ones who were just a bit short or a bit less attractive than you might like…I think people need to get real. If you’re older and single, your options are seriously limited. Fair enough to stay single if you don’t like the options but acting as if you’re better than all the people who are interested in you seems crazy. Just like with houses that are overpriced by owners…they find their level regardless. As a 46 year old with three teen sons, I realise that should my husband leave me, I’m unlikely to have a queue of eligible suitors!

I can guarantee you that it is not the baldness that is keeping these guys single. I went out with a bald guy once and he was an avid nose picker, even in public. In the middle of the street looking in a shop window and bang, he'd delve right in. While watching films he would nibble it out from under his nails. It's grim behaviour from grown men.

Augustus40 · 26/04/2025 09:31

AbigfanofDogs · 26/04/2025 09:03

I also think a lot of women think they look younger/ better with Botox and Fillers, in reality it can look terrible

People only notice aesthetics when it is overdone. I only have 1ml every 2 years and I simply look fresh. Not fake whatsoever.

You would not notice the success stories as they blend in with everyone else.

Tripleblue · 26/04/2025 09:55

May be because they aren't conditioned from birth to maintain personal appearance and be kind and sociable. By age 50 they should have figured it out by themselves but they haven't. With all that privilege they haven't. So as a class they are just dim and grim. Not very bright.

HowardTJMoon · 26/04/2025 11:19

AnotherNaCha · 25/04/2025 21:54

@HowardTJMoon why are you so desperate to vilify women in order to paint men in a better light?

The facts are as clear as day in virtually ANY scenario. And if women have been emotionally abusive then I can guarantee you it’s because of how she’s been treated in this capitalist patriarchy. There’s no denying it. You’d do better to work on yourself and other men rather than tear down women, no?

Apologies. For a moment there I forgot about the mumsnet theme that shitty men are shitty because men are shit, and shitty women either don't exist or, if they do, it's because men are shits.

I'll leave this thread now as the rank misandry is giving me a headache.

ThisOldThang · 26/04/2025 12:31

Tripleblue · 26/04/2025 09:55

May be because they aren't conditioned from birth to maintain personal appearance and be kind and sociable. By age 50 they should have figured it out by themselves but they haven't. With all that privilege they haven't. So as a class they are just dim and grim. Not very bright.

Shouldn't women have managed to break that conditioning by the time they're 50?

If they haven't, does it mean they're dim and grim?

ThatCyanCat · 26/04/2025 12:37

Unpaidviewer · 25/04/2025 11:23

The misandry on here is shocking. Imagine if this was a thread with a bunch of men discussing how disgusting all the single women were in their age group.

Oh they do, all the time. Not new.

I know it's controversial but I think you're right, OP. It's not that the women are all zillionaire supermodels but they have hobbies and interests and are presentable. There are so many more men who haven't and aren't.

ForeverDelayedEpiphany · 26/04/2025 12:48

SmegmaCausesBV · 26/04/2025 09:04

I can guarantee you that it is not the baldness that is keeping these guys single. I went out with a bald guy once and he was an avid nose picker, even in public. In the middle of the street looking in a shop window and bang, he'd delve right in. While watching films he would nibble it out from under his nails. It's grim behaviour from grown men.

Show quote history

My DH has been bald since I've known him (over 20 years now), and if i had to return to him being with hair, it would be very odd. I agree that baldness isn't off putting, it's been the opposite for me.

Nose picking, as you say, is definitely a turn off though. A big turn off, most definitely 😳😱😂

Mrsbloggz · 26/04/2025 13:54

Men are prone to feeling that they inherently outrank women, because of this they feel that women should fawn over them and defer to them without them needing to make any effort.
The egos and feeling of inherent superiority prevent them from acknowledging that women don't need men as much as men need women.

NPET · 26/04/2025 14:04

Berrytea · 25/04/2025 00:21

All the good ones are taken
you’ll need to make degrading compromises now if you want a relationship

There were GOOD ones ???

taxguru · 26/04/2025 14:07

FightingFish · 26/04/2025 07:44

Expecting someone to be clean, brush their hair/teeth, wear deodorant is the bare minimum. Not talking about dating, but I’ve worked with men that have absolutely stunk of BO and another with missing/rotten teeth. This is in an office setting and I’ve never seen a woman colleague in such a state. It’s fine to be low maintenance and not spend much time on clothes/appearance but it is never acceptable not to be clean. These men seem happy to inflict their odour on others, unbelievably some have been in relationships!

Whilst I agree, I've certainly had the misfortune to have to work with smelly/unclean women who've stunk of BO, and that's in professional office roles, too. It's certainly not just men.

Original poster
ursulone · 26/04/2025 14:16

Well this thread has taken some unexpected turns, including interesting ones. Perhaps a bit of clarification. To an extent physical attractiveness is subjective, and can be subject to social conditioning. There is a different kind of way of presenting oneself perhaps I would call it invested presentability. By this I mean relatively basic and not too hard (with a bit of investment to remedy) things. Smelling clean and perhaps with a nice fresh scent. Dior Homme Sport smelled fabulous on one ex. Having clean, good looking, pressed and fitted clothes. Being in as good shape and with as good skin/dentistry as your circumstances allow. Having some conversation that isn't entirely self focused, venting, or ultra niche. Not talking conspiracy theories all the time. It's like everyone has a ceiling of how well they come across. Many (certainly.not all) women and gay men I've met are mostly say at 75% of this level. Some (not all but a good few) straight men seem to be at 25% or less. If they seemed happy with this, all well & good, they don't owe me anything in the way they come across, as I don't owe them. But they don't. They seem flat, lacking in self esteem, disinterested in life, amd brittle to the point of needing to find fault in others.

OP posts:
ThisOldThang · 26/04/2025 15:16

Being in as good shape and with as good skin/dentistry as your circumstances allow.
...

Many (certainly.not all) women and gay men I've met are mostly say at 75% of this level.

"In the UK, the average BMI for women is generally around 27.2-27.6 kg/m². This indicates that the average woman in the UK is in the overweight category, as a BMI of 25-29.9 is considered overweight. The average BMI increases with age, with the highest BMI typically found in middle-aged women."

The average UK woman is certainly not in 'good shape'. The niddle aged women that you're lauding are in the 'worst shape'.

I think you're deluded.

AbigfanofDogs · 26/04/2025 16:20

I do notice as I’m a clinician, even a small amount makes a person look like they are in need of an antihistamine.

My mum has started looking quite freaky and waxy in photos. She would say the same as you.

Friends my age (30s) have these raised brows and overly smooth foreheads which ruin their looks.

Sorry to say but discreet is not the word I’d use to describe. Even baby Botox.

Aging is a privilege, not something to hide or cover.

lljkk · 26/04/2025 16:25

There are A LOT of dysfunctional & unattractive women.
Presumably I'm one of them....

Leafy74 · 26/04/2025 16:29

ThisOldThang · 26/04/2025 15:16

Being in as good shape and with as good skin/dentistry as your circumstances allow.
...

Many (certainly.not all) women and gay men I've met are mostly say at 75% of this level.

"In the UK, the average BMI for women is generally around 27.2-27.6 kg/m². This indicates that the average woman in the UK is in the overweight category, as a BMI of 25-29.9 is considered overweight. The average BMI increases with age, with the highest BMI typically found in middle-aged women."

The average UK woman is certainly not in 'good shape'. The niddle aged women that you're lauding are in the 'worst shape'.

I think you're deluded.

This
On the back on this thread I looked around the staff room at the school where I work yesterday.

The middle -aged women are VERY definitely not in good shape.

5128gap · 26/04/2025 16:51

ursulone · 26/04/2025 14:16

Well this thread has taken some unexpected turns, including interesting ones. Perhaps a bit of clarification. To an extent physical attractiveness is subjective, and can be subject to social conditioning. There is a different kind of way of presenting oneself perhaps I would call it invested presentability. By this I mean relatively basic and not too hard (with a bit of investment to remedy) things. Smelling clean and perhaps with a nice fresh scent. Dior Homme Sport smelled fabulous on one ex. Having clean, good looking, pressed and fitted clothes. Being in as good shape and with as good skin/dentistry as your circumstances allow. Having some conversation that isn't entirely self focused, venting, or ultra niche. Not talking conspiracy theories all the time. It's like everyone has a ceiling of how well they come across. Many (certainly.not all) women and gay men I've met are mostly say at 75% of this level. Some (not all but a good few) straight men seem to be at 25% or less. If they seemed happy with this, all well & good, they don't owe me anything in the way they come across, as I don't owe them. But they don't. They seem flat, lacking in self esteem, disinterested in life, amd brittle to the point of needing to find fault in others.

Its taken an odd turn because some of the types of men you're describing have joined the thread and they're upset.

JohnTheRevelator · 26/04/2025 16:53

This is probably why I'm (happily) single!

Augustus40 · 26/04/2025 16:53

JohnTheRevelator · 26/04/2025 16:53

This is probably why I'm (happily) single!

Me too.