To think why are there so many unattractive, dysfunctional men ?

[ursulone]

Firstly I am not perfect and certainly don't expect anyone else to be. I am well aware there are women who fall into all the categories I am about to mention. I am in middle age and happily single (divorced). When I did briefly date, I met a variety of men, most of whom certainly had issues. I recently attended a housewarming party in a city around 2 hours from where I live. Women were all personable, made a big effort with appearance, sociable, variety of interests, Most of the men, certainly the straight seeming ones, were badly dressed, no effort, bad skin, some BO/bad breath, talked only about themselves, didn't seem interested in anything much. One or two seemed to have quite challenging financial circumstances, not sure why. Thing is, if being a single man is quite as bleak an experience as one male friend said it was (mainly according to him, as men are too competitive with one another to be as supportive friends as women are to each other, and men in relationships don't hand around with single men) why don't they make an effort? Obviously its not like it is compulsory to be be the best version of yourself but some of there guys come across like they've just given up.

Yes absolutely, this is the crux of it

I'm glad I'm single. I know lots of women on their own, men seem to couple up quickly instead. Maybe all that's left is those that you describe.

What's the female equivalent of a man who can't even string together a coherent sentence with which to insult women?

I don't understand why so many single middle aged men are, quite frankly, filthy. DH is very clean, and I've never had to nudge him to shower/change etc.,he knows how to look after himself.
A friend of ours who is a nice man is really smelly. He stinks of BO and a weird plasticky smell (anyone know what I mean?) that I suspect is sweat and musty clothes. On warm days the smell could knock you over. He thinks he's a great catch though and always talks as though he could have any woman he wants (definitely not one with a sense of smell).
I worked in academia and there were quite a few of the same type there too, but he's by far the worst.

100% you see and smell them everywhere, its the cleanliness more than anything that stands out. You very rarely see or smell a woman like this but it seems so common with men. The foosty clothes that have been worn 40times and never washed, the greasy hair, food stains, lack of shaving.... I don't know but I just think people like this must be suffering from depression because they cant honestly think it's normal to be like that. A lot of these type of men I've met are openly hostile towards women as well.

There's a slight hint of incel about some of these posts.

Slight 😳

You are obviously just trolling this post or genuinely have no idea.

I dont know a single woman who wouldnt love her partner to take the initiative and plan a day out with the kids to give her some free time. And no I wouldnt be accusing my husband or any of his friends of being a pedo just because they spend time with their children or their friends children..... what a majorly weird and concerning thought. Spending time with your children is really the very least you can do as a parent.

Do you have children? Is this legitimately the depths you go to to excuse yourself from any parental responsibility?

My explanations for your nonsense on this post are

1. You're trolling
2. Actually dont have children or have ever had a functional long term relationship
3. You're an absoloutely shite parent & partner and have completely checked out of family life and they all hate you but you're trying to deflect blame because you either are already or are worried about becoming exactly the sort of man we are discussing here.

Personal hygiene aside...

There's a huge level of entitlement on this thread, which is exactly what posters are accusing men of. 🤦‍♀️

Why should men 'make an effort' to conform with your 'standards' at a casual social event, such as a housewarming? They're not background extras in your own personal drama / photo shoot. Perhaps they've been invited by actual friends and have attended to socialise with those people and have zero interest in meeting you and anybody else like you?

Is it Main Character Syndrome that makes you feel that you can demand a 'standard' from random strangers?

You're literally nothing to these men. They don't know you, they almost certainly have no desire to be in a relationship with you and they don't care if you think they should have shaved or not worn jeans.

🙄

@ThisOldThang

Why should they care? Because they want to tuck you, get you to clean their kitchen/ house/ come to the works outing as their plus one so they don’t look like nobody’s lover?

Just a guess.

Would you say the same about the women who are back on the market in their middle age?

A Mumsnetter

If they aren't washing, cleaning their house and expecting a 20yr old model to want to sleep with them despite having no interests or conversation, yes.

I don't find most women end up single for the reasons many men end up single.

Sorry I’m a total pedant!!!! Have a nice weekend :)

Nope. Not at all. They are back on the market as have woken up to the fact their partner is crap and they’re better off alone

I see your Northern European policemen and and I raise you; Spanish policemen.

🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥

Yes it should be males who make more effort like in the animal kingdom, they have the powerful sex drive so surely they should be trying to attract women in every way.. nice smell, appearance, interesting etc.. they are naturally more driven to want sex with women so women don’t need all the bells and whistles and effort we go to.. it just strikes me as the wrong way round.
When a man really makes an effort, women are all over them. So why aren’t they making the effort if they want that?
Yet there’s us smelling nice all the time, makeup etc, no wonder they are all over us yet they get a luke warm response. We need to be really attracted to men to have sex with them as we don’t have testosterone

We need to be really attracted to men to have sex with them as we don’t have testosterone

Have you experienced ovulation??

I haven't noticed this exact situation, no.

I think there are a lot of obese men and women. People lead sedentary lives I guess. And eat too much crap. No idea how to judge whether people, or one particular sex, would be dysfunctional.

Of course. But it’s different

I feel I should corroborate my claim with some pictorial evidence.

Maybe so, although you might be surprised. For instance it's not only men who have affairs, and it's not only men who are abusers.

Certainly having given OLD a go as a middle-aged man I can confirm there's a lot of women out there of my age who are, in their own way, just as dysfunctional as the men who don't own a clean t-shirt and think they deserve a girlfriend in her 20s. Yes these women are more likely to scrub up well and smell nice but the "it's wine o'clock!" types, the "I can only maintain a conversation if it's about something I've recently watched on TV" types, the "just want to date to make my ex jealous" types, the "you're not allowed to have female friends" types, and the "don't think I'm listening to you when I briefly stop talking, I'm just composing what to say next" types are definitely out there.

women would get a bit dressed up but you were lucky if all the men were even wearing trousers, and at least half would turn up in jeans and a t-shirt.

I see this constantly on a Saturday night in town where there are couples going out, and the woman is dolled up to the nines, whereas the bloke will maybe have put a clean shirt on, if you're lucky.

So I think men in relationships are not that much different, they've often just be lucky and attracted a long-term mate while they were still young-ish and fit-ish.

You're absolutely right because women are socialised to believe that the most important thing they can do (other than be the perfect mother) is to look attractive to men. Is that a good thing?