Is it a red flag if someone doesn't have any close friends?

[Brunocatmon]

I know everyone is different, im very outgoing, I have a lot of friends, more than a handful of who I would consider to be close friends then a few besties.

I'm in my 50's.

Would you consider it a red flag if a person in their 40's only had one close friend, and one

Why would it be a red flag OP, lots of people don't have many or any friends, all depends on their circumstances I would have thought.

A red flag? Red flag for what? Being less outgoing than you?

Its difficult to explain what I mean. Don't most people have more than 2 friends by middle age?

No I don’t think so. Many of the most toxic people I’ve known have had many friends, inexplicably. One good friend is worth many middling ones.

God I hope not or I'm buggered.

I would see this kind of judgment of another person as more of a red flag tbh.

Not everyone is able to have many friends and some don’t want friends either. We are all different and you shouldn’t judge a person by a circumstance that might be out of their control .

Friends might have fallen by the wayside because of caring responsibilities, moving around for work, or just choice, being a household’s sole breadwinner. Escaped a difficult domestic setting.

Coming to a realisation you were the scapegoat of a group, people turned into conspiracy nuts.

So no not on its own.

Nope. Different people are different. Some people are loners.

My mom has no friends. Not a single one. Just family.

Not really I lost all my close friends when I was with my abusive ex the few I made during the marriage didn't survive the split and the couple I had left one moved away the other was a user I've had others but they have moved away too and tbh I can't be bothered with it all I have sen children they are massively isolating I can't get a babysitter they are too old can't leave them unattended they are to much of a danger etc etc and so on

Rock meet hard place and circumstances out of my control

I think I’d assume there was a reason for them to have so little friends that told me something about their character / ability to commit to relationships.

I don't really have close friends and I would be upset if anyone thought I was a red flag.

There are loads of circumstances why this would happen.

Judge the person on their interactions with you, how they treat others etc., but to think it's a warning sign is very judgemental.

I’m screwed then. I have no friends as the result of an abusive relationship that isolated me from everyone and an ensuing lack of trust and self confidence. However although I have no friends I’m a very friendly person and I have lots of acquaintances I would say hi to, make small talk with etc but we are not friends. The one friend I had got a new gf who cannot handle him being friends with a woman so respectfully I stepped away from the friendship for the sake of his relationship.

Ref flag for what? A romantic relationship? Up to you.

You may not feel their way of life and socialising is compatible with yours but having a small number of close friends absolutely doesn't mean someone is a necessarily red flag for nefarious reasons.

Someone could have lots of friends because they're lovely, or loads because they are very good at manipulating people and building quick shallow intimacy.

Another person may have only one or two close friends because they're naturally quite solitary or because of circumstances, but be kind to everyone they meet.

Or, they may have few friends because of wherever you're imagining.

Takes all sorts.

I'm 40 and don't have any friends but I don't need any and never have!

Why does it matter? Just because ‘most people’ have something, that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with someone who doesn’t.

Again: what do you think it would mean if someone doesn’t have a large circle of friends, and why would this be a red flag? Why would it make someone dangerous or abusive or unpleasant?

You need people around you, they don’t. Why is one OK in your eyes, but the other is a red flag?

I think the older you get the less friends you have. Moving, life choices, death.

My best friend in very very rarely see in person but we are constantly on WhatsApp

I think close friends are a myth. Anyone I've considered a close friend has turned out to be a fair weather friend!
Bitter? Jaundiced? Sad? Lonely?
Yes

I think it’sa red flag when grown women call their friends “besties”.

Ironically my closest friend I didn’t go to school with not work with. We just grew up in the streets next door back when children where nice feral 😅

God I must be a giant red flag then as I don't have any friends - has never bothered me.

I only have a few friends. But that’s because I have spent 20 years being fairly nomadic. Moving, starting over, moving, starting over again is fairly bad for making long lasting connections.

Someone with loads of mates isn't necessarily a great person. They've just found it easier to connect with people. I think it's slightly more unusual to not have anyone at all but again it's probably down to circumstance rather than them being repulsive to others.

I would see the person judging somebody for not having many friends as the bigger red flag if I am honest.

Why? You do know some people are fine and happy without lots of friends, right? It’s not about being unable to commit, it’s simply about not needing lots of people and being content with a small number of close relationships rather than dozens.

Lots of people are very independent, or happily introverted, or just discerning. That doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with their ability to form the relationships they do want.

I was horrifically bullied in high school for 5 years. In Year 11, while the bullying was worsening, my parents divorced, my brother nearly died and my Nan died of DVT on the bathroom floor.
I was left traumatised by it all for years and I’ve never really trusted “friends” since.
I had 1 very good friend but we have drifted apart recently with just life getting in the way.

My high school bullies? They have huge friendship groups.
One of the most toxic, two-faced people I have ever met at work? Huge friendship group, has been on around 8-9 Hen Dos in the last 12 months alone, she’s invited everywhere.