Is it a red flag if someone doesn't have any close friends?

[Brunocatmon]

I know everyone is different, im very outgoing, I have a lot of friends, more than a handful of who I would consider to be close friends then a few besties.

I'm in my 50's.

Would you consider it a red flag if a person in their 40's only had one close friend, and one

No, not at all.
I have found I have less friends as I got older (am mid 40s). I am more picky now with regards to who I spend my time with. I have no time for toxic friendships, and people who drag me down. No one is owed a friendship.

My best friend died three years ago aged 54; I have one other close friend. I get on well with my colleagues and neighbours and am close to my kids and mum. Would you like to judge me?

Thank you for all your replies.

I'm not judging anyone, it was a comment from someone else that prompted the question and I put my own friendship circle up there for comparison.

Not everyone wants or needs friends. Some people are happy in their own company or in the company of their family.

*I would see this kind of judgment of another person as more of a red flag tbh.

I was dealing with severe depression for several years and didn’t have the emotional energy to make or keep friends. I’m working on dealing with my social anxiety disorder, and I’m also figuring out how to be friendly towards people without having to mask my late-diagnosed ADHD. Still a nice person, though.

I have no friends in real life. By choice. I’m 44. I have slowly lost touch with people over the years and enjoy my family life with dh and the dc (older, adults). I don’t really have the time or interest in friends. I enjoy Mumsnet for a bit of social stuff but I like the fact I can just turn it off when I like. I don’t like the intensity of friendships and when I do have time to myself I like to do things on my own, no compromises needed. We’re all different.

I think for women especially that friends come and go over the years depending where your life is with regards to work or children.
A lot of men (that I don't really know) old male school friends on social media, are still in touch with each other from school. Very closely. Wedding invitations. Get togethers etc.
My older brother is still very close to his mates from school. It's like they grew up, moved together, married together, had kids together, divorced together... I know very few women like this.

I don't have a single close friend. I'm not very sociable. I have neighbours and people I get on with, so for me it would be a red flag as personally speaking my relationships have ended up being with very social people with very social hobbies and it just couldn't work for me. But then I'd hate someone around me all the time too.

Hence happily single for years and not looking 🤣

Is there anything else @Brunocatmon is he glued to an xbox? Living an online life?

I am mid 40s and two of my longest (25+ years) and closest friends both died suddenly within 10 months of each other. I now have acquaintances and people I see at social events but not a close friend and it is really very difficult. But I don’t honestly think I have the energy to invest in trying to build close friendships with people when most seem to have their friendship groups built already.

I had one close friend. I married him. Now I have no close friends because you aren’t allowed to count your spouse.

Not all of us our social people. One thing I learned from dating is that a large social circle is actually a red flag for me. It’s all very personal.

I have found it too hard keeping up with friends. I would say I have 2 good friends but circumstances in my life has made it hard to be social.

@Brunocatmon please dont confuse friends with acquaintances!!! definitely not the same thing!

No not really, I consider it more of a red flag if someone has a new best friend every other month. Having 1-2 solid friends shows someone is a lot more content in life then someone who can’t keep a friend for more then a month.

No I don't think this any longer.

The more I've become true to myself, genuine, authentic as possible ( kinder with it most the time anyway) I find I'm going to have and do have less people in my life. If you start speaking more openly and honestly about things, some people dint want that.

I have a family member who is incredibly difficult and had behaved pretty terribly to me most my life. I notice there's no one close there because there's a trail of destruction behind them in every relationship. So I see why one can question this and possibly be concerned.

I wouldn't use the number of friends as a barometer generally. Instead, I'd have to take time to get to know the person. If they don't use Social Media, they get extra points from me tbh.

That's really sad to read. It's completely understandable about investing.
25 year friendships happen and grow naturally over a course of a lifetime. It is not something that can be built or forced anyway. It will happen if it is meant to happen.

I think we’re in the midst of a loneliness crisis. By making everything technology based it’s killed a lot of social aspects.

Not a red flag if someone has just one friend.
And judgmental thinking if others find it odd.
On a personal level, I am friendly and outgoing with most people. As time goes by, I get to know somebody , and do not want them in or around my life anymore.
If that makes me picky, so be it. I’ve learned. Maybe I have an anxious attachment issue. Certainly nasty bullying incidents at school after the age of 9. Abusive home life.
I have kept a friend from my teenage years, one from my 30’s, etc etc. The quality of my friendships is extremely high and full of trust.
Once we are friends, we tend to be friends for a very long time. If you betray, lie, steal, badmouth, you won’t see me for dust.

It's hard to tell. A great many people are incapable of distinguishing friendship from good company, which rather destroys the OPs premise.

I have 2 sick parents that need help. Lost all my friends when I was trapped in abusive relationship

Theres a lot of 'mean girl' behaviour around and it tends to come from those women who have 10 'besties'. I have two close friends who I'd trust with my life. I do socialise with lots of other people as well, but it's superficial. I wouldn't trust them with the deep stuff. It's not a red flag.

On the contrary, technology allows me to stay in close contact with loved ones far away. I wouldn't be without it.

I don think it's a red flag to not have friends becaue that doesn't happen to everyone easily, but it is a red flag to have lots of enemies.

I don’t really think either is a ‘red flag’ but I would say 1 or 2 close friends is probably more normal than lots and lots of friends.

Perhaps but your would really need a lot more information. As pp have said, it could be because they've moved, career demands, caring responsibilities or divorce which isn't a red flag. It could be because they are introverted and very private again not a red flat or it could be because they are an awful person, that would be a red flag 😂

Same here. My best friend moved 200 miles away. We keep in touch in VR. Can chat and play a game at the same time.