Is it a red flag if someone doesn't have any close friends?

[Brunocatmon]

I know everyone is different, im very outgoing, I have a lot of friends, more than a handful of who I would consider to be close friends then a few besties.

I'm in my 50's.

Would you consider it a red flag if a person in their 40's only had one close friend, and one

I have my best friend but we barely see each other. I know lots of people, but I don't have any really close friends that i would turn to in a crisis. I purposely keep people at arms length these days as I've just been so let down/fucked over in the past, that I'd rather not bother again.

Good for you OP that you're blessed with so many friends , the biggest red flag is your so judgemental

You sound very judgmental and unkind.

Wow. How bloody dare you. How closed minded.

I have no close friends due to being a widowed parent with no time to meet anyone!

I recently broke up with someone and someone commented that the fact that they had no friends should have been a red flag.

I'm doing a lot of musing and retrospective thinking.

I appreciate all of the replies

I don't have any friends and it didn't occur to me that OP was being judgemental.

They aren't, they're asking a question.

It's not a personal attack.

I couldn’t cope without my friends and put a lot of value and effort into friendships, but then I don’t have a SO and have somewhat odd family
circumstances, so maybe that’s why.

I guess everyone is different, there are definitely some people I’ve come across who don’t naturally befriend people. When you can’t rely on your family to socialise with, I do think you maybe invest more in friendships. I don’t think society values friendship enough tbh.

I perhaps wouldn’t see it as a red flag, but I would consider the person’s circumstances, friends do take a lot of time and effort to maintain. Perhaps that’s why folk see it as a red flag?

Well I know some very toxic people who have close friends so it'd be a poor indicator of character.

Well, now that I'm invested...

Can I be nosey and ask what they were like as a person?

Introverted? Shy? Sociable? Outgoing?
Annoying? Set in ways? Relaxed and chilled?

To me the red flag is that you are judging other people simply because they are different from you...

Some people like being surrounded by people and others prefer their own company.

@allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld What do you think makes someone a friend rather than an aquaintance? Is it to do with how long you've known them/how much time you spend with them/how much you have in common? Just curious! (And now reevaluating my friendships!)

I don’t have many friends, OP. In my case it’s because I ended a lot of my friendships when I realised they weren’t real friends and were out for themselves. I would rather have none than have users for mates.

I used to be a people pleaser and I started setting boundaries and my friends dropped off, and as an adult it’s more difficult to make friends in general. I’m quite reserved and introverted but the friendships I do have are very important to me and we have a close relationship.

It’s not necessarily a red flag, it depends on the wider context. I do know people who have no or few friends and it’s pretty obvious why! But it does depend.

Depends on how many friends move away, emigrate, die etc,
A lot can happen by your 40s

Unless they where clingy because no friends I don’t see what it has to do with it

Hmm, that’s difficult one. I think I’d be put on alert if I discovered that a person had fallen out with just about everyone, I.e. they didn’t speak to the family, their neighbors, didn’t get on with their work colleagues, etc. That might indicate a difficult personality. But not having very close friends, that’s fine.

I do have some close friends but not a massive social circle. DH is the same. We both generally get along with other people and I wouldn’t like to have a partner who regularly took offence and/or fell out with people, it would be so draining!

I know what you mean op. I think this post has attracted a lot of responses from people with very few or no friends (by their own admission) and I think the comments about your judging is more of a red flag should be taken with a huge pinch of salt!
I would be put off if I met someone, be it potential partner or new friend, who had literally no friends. It just rings alarm bells about commitment to relationships.
and I say this as someone who could do with a few more decent friends!

I dont need people to make me feel wanted or to feel whole.
I dont need a crowd to be noticed.
I like being a loner loneliness works for me if its a red flag than im as big as they come.

When it comes to romantic relationships I have also broken up with someone because he didn't have any friends. Because he didn't have any friends he became super clingy with me and wanted to spend pretty much every day with me and I started feeling guilty if I made plans with friends or if I went away without him for a weekend. He also didn't have that much to talk about because of it. Not that I talk about my friends all the time but he had no other social interactions other than with me and when he went in to the office which was about 2 days a week. For me, his world was too small and I didn't want to be someones everything.

When it comes to friends though I feel differently. I wouldn't find it strange or off-putting if a friend only had one or two other friends, or none. There is less pressure in a friendship compared to in a relationship I feel and I would assume if they had very few friends they were quite happy in their own skin.

I absolutely wasn't judging anyone. If my post came across in that way then I apologise.

A lot of people don't and men in their 40s especially often don't have friends.

This. i have got one close friend, small fsmily circle who don't live near. I sm friendly to my neighbours but we aren't friends. Been a loner all my life and am now widowed. Anybody who thinks its a red flag can bog off.

I would commit to relationships and friendships with people if they were worth having.

I am not in school. I don't have to "be friends" with anyone. I can pick and choose people who I have a reciprocal relationship with. I have no time or energy for people who drain me, use me as free therapy, a punching bag, an overdraft etc etc.
I have been used but so many people over the years. It is not a red flag to have boundaries.

I'm on the introverted side and don't have many friends. However, I am put off if I come across a dating profile where the person is solo in everything single picture. Also, if the only 'friends' are colleagues and clients.

Well I’m a walking red flag then, I have no close friends and a small handful of acquaintances I suppose you’d call them, mostly due to my life taking a different path as I have an adult disabled daughter living at home. Don’t think there’s too much wrong with me , j just find it hard to be a reliable friend as I don’t seem to be able to put enough effort in, and I find it hard to make commitments which may have to change last minute due to care needs. I do get quite lonely sometimes but I’m a cheery person on the surface at least, and I do get on with people.

Life is hard - ultimately you have to be your own best friend.