Child's friend parent on sexual offender register

[springisspringing1]

I live in a smallish town - only one primary school and only one class per year. My DC is in reception. One of the children's fathers was found guilty of looking at child sex photographs and online grooming of a young teen girl. He is on the sexual offender register. The mother has retained a close relationship with the father (they may still be together - I don't know her well enough). We have kids' birthday parties all the time and eg when she hosts one, the father is likely to be there. I don't want my children near this man. I just don't. I think she's keen for him to be reintegrated into the (quite small) community. AIBU is, I suppose, to make it clear I don't want him to bring their child to my child's party? (I will just make an excuse for their party). Also - is this unfair on my child's friend (who is obviously only 4 too). This is not something that is going to go away -- and want to work out how to manage it now. Please be kind - I absolutely know it is not the mother or the child's fault.

Like many others, I would say something along the lines of "little Jenny would love it if Jane could could come to get birthday party. You're very welcome, but obviously Donald is not allowed to attend. I'm sure you understand."

Don't be that person that prevents a little boy from having friends because if something his father did.

Just ensure your child is supervised (which you would anyway!)

I wouldn’t be having anything to do with them OP. I feel sorry for the child but that’s not of my concern- my priority would be my own child 100 times over.
Why on earth is the mum allowing that dad to be around at parties etc. He should be far far away from other kids including his own.

Don't be that person who unwittingly allows children to accept a predator as a safe person.

With regard to the restrictions (or lack of) that may be in place this has been asked and answered several times upthread.

The school will not be at liberty to discuss another parents previous convictions or their risk to children with the OP, even if said conviction has been reported in the press and is therefore likely to be public knowledge. It is not in the schools remit to provide "tips" about how parents should safeguard their own children at a private event such as a party. Realistically, there is no advice they can give beyond "it's up to each parent to decide whether they are comfortable with the level of risk" because ultimately there is no way to eliminate the risk.

It's sad for the child, of course it is, but surely you can see that that's the fault of his parents if they don't want to be at their house/at parties with them?
Nobody sane would want to risk putting their child in danger just to spare someone else's feelings.

Jesus Christ! How is not inviting someone to your house a "vigilante" act? And why do you dislike judgment of paedophiles? Judging seems to be the only vice left!

Have you read the thread? The risk here is twofold. Immediate risk of abuse at the party. And longterm risk of grooming and abuse as a result of allowing the child to believe the pedophile is as normal and safe as all the other dads.

Read the thread

Reading this thread makes me finally realise why paedophilia is so prevalent.... The number of "pick me" apologists desperate to show how laid back and pragmatic they are over this is frankly shocking.

Yes, it's absolutely okay - and right - to ostracise this man.

Why is everyone being so blasé about it?? I wouldn’t want my child anywhere near a convicted sex offender either. It doesnt matter if he won’t be alone with them. He views children in a sexual way! No chance.

In other circumstances I'd absolutely agree with the posters feeling really sorry for this kid BUT it is this poor kid's mother causing the issue by stil having their scumbag father around! He has been convicted of both child porn and child grooming offences! Why would the OP or any other parent want this vile man anywhere near their vulnerable little kids?

The risk from him in a public place is probably not that high but I fully understand why the OP finds any level of potential risk unacceptable.
Imo the child's mother needs to give her head a serious wobble. I'm surprised social services don't consider this a safeguarding issue.

we have similar situation with an adult who is a pervert
the husband and wife received a wedding invitation but he was spoken to privately and told to make an excuse not to come

can you do something like that ? Invite the child to parties and send your child to their parties but have quiet word with the paedophille and tell him he is not to come to your house nor should he talk or interact with your son in any way

I really hope MN isn’t representative of the wider population. Some of the replies on here are genuinely bizarre. You can’t eliminate all risk to your child, of course, but you don’t need to literally invite it into your home. Wild.

Nothing worse than NOT BEING KIND

There is no way I’d allow anyone on the sex offenders list anywhere near my child, however vanishingly small the risk is perceived to be. And I’d be telling the other mum that too. She’s made the decision to allow him a place in her and her child’s life, you’re entitled to make the same decision for you and your child.

You can’t eliminate all risk to your child, of course, but you don’t need to literally invite it into your home. Wild

This

But would you rather take your children to a party with ten men who are registered sex offenders, or a party where there are ten men but noone is a registered sex offendor?
Just becuase it is one man, doesn't make any difference in my eyes.

Surely not.

There is absolutely no way on planet earth I’d want a registered sex offender anywhere near my kid. Or anywhere near me, frankly.

If the mother of the other child wants to allow him back into their lives then that’s on her, but supervised or unsupervised - no chance. She should be bringing her child to the party, or I’m afraid he can’t come.

He is absolutely disgusting, I would never allow my child to be around him. The mother is also foul, she should be keeping that paedophile away from children, and not trying to reintegrate him.

As other people much wiser than me have said, @Hastentoadd - letting this dad come to parties, even if he is closely supervised the whole time, will give the children the impression he is an adult they can trust - that is such a dangerous thing to teach the children.

As a previous poster has said - if they see this man at parties, and they learn to trust him, what happens if they are walking home from school aged 10, and he offers them a list or says he will take them to to park or for an ice cream? They will not see a paedophile, they will see their friend’s dad, who has played footie with them at parties, and they will go with him.

Is it worth the risk, when there is a simple solution - not allowing this dad to come to any of the children’s parties?

Do you have children @NC28 ?

^This
The mother is making the choice- she knows the score. Get rid of him when children are there, daddy doesn’t take the child to parties.
Of course the child should be invited and children allowed to go to the child’s party. But not when he’s there- if he had anything about him he wouldn’t want to be!!

There was a poster on a thread yesterday vehemently arguing that paedophiles should never feel any shame!

Is even allowed to be around children? Did the online grooming lead to anything did the meet? I thought it was a condition they weren't allowed contact with children after conviction.
Personally I would be speaking to the mother first and if she defends him, then I would be excluding them from everything. Online images is bad enough, but this guy attempted (and maybe succeeded) a child sex assault.

I would like paedophiles to die of the shame, @OoooopsUpsideYourHead.