Childcare is so expensive I’m considering just going off sick for summer holidays

[CoolMoose]

I'm almost through the Easter holidays with my children (one of whom has significant special needs and goes to special school). My husband and I both work full time, but childcare for holidays wipes out more than our wage so we try to muddle through. However, AIBU that I’m seriously considering going off sick for some of the summer holidays because I’m completely stressed out juggling caring for my children and working at the same time. I can work from home some of the time, but a colleague made some days over Easter compulsory in the office (& I had to go in and take one of my children with me). Is going off sick for a couple of weeks in the big summer holiday the best way to manage this?Of course, I will be booking all the annual leave I have and buying extra leave to cover whatever I can, but it still does not cover school holidays. I’m utterly exhausted from the 2-week Easter holiday and I’m already completely dreading the summer period.

For context, both my husband and I have good jobs, but my husband works away. We have a preschooler (about £45 a day is the cheapest holiday care) and our older boy who has special needs requires specialist care that costs a little over £20ph which works out about £250 a day). We don’t have any family that can help, unfortunately.

£250 a day 😭 can you access funding for this? DLA and other carer benefits?

Could you stagger your hours so you start at 7 and finish at 3, husband does 10-6 say so you have a shorter window of care needed and book a babysitter at home when you work from home? So you’re there in case your special needs child needs you (obviously you’d need to get them used to the babysitter etc.). Or work compressed hours 5 days in 4. If you can both do it that’s only 3 days a week you need cover for.

I take every August off unpaid and it works really well for our family. Mine is agreed with my employer but you can have unpaid parental leave legally in any role.

Would it not be worth seeing if your husband could move to a better paid job and you either go part time or give up work?

DLA wouldn't cover all of it, even if her child gets both high rate care and high rate mobility. It also has to cover other expenses OP may need to cover for her child too such as adapted clothing, adapted shoes, private therapy, incontinence pads etc.

@AquaPeer totally agree - what a thoroughly nasty comment lacking in any empathy by that poster-

Going off sick for the whole summer will require you to lie to your GP and convince them you are sick- not so easy.
That amount of time off will require serious backup from multiple sick notes. Should you succeed and be found out (either by your GP or employer) you will lose your job and it will seriously impact your career- bear in mind childcare has been very expensive for 20 years or more so this idea will not be alien to your GP or employer.
The parental leave idea looks much more viable, good luck.

This is annoying, are people reading this and missing the parts where the OP explains she has a child with significant disabilities!
People “ oh yes we all have to juggle that so many of us are parents “
erm are you parent to a disabled child ?
I think you will have to take some unpaid parental leave to help cover the holidays as it sounds like a huge expense!
I also hope your family is in receipt of any disability related benefits you may be entitled to .

I live in SE and the sen schools round here either have reduced timetable or reduced holidays, theirs several sen schools near me. 1 of them is for complex medical needs and this one does close. At lot of the schools have sen parts of the school and these are the same as school hours.

I had no idea that the allowance was so small. I apologise if my ignorance has offended anyone.

Why should she? And why is it assumed mum should stay at home anyway?

Dad has a job that requires travel so he can’t really stay at home.

If you want to end up getting sacked then yes.

Of course you could. You could go off with stress but going forward what would your plan be? October half term/ Christmas the following year?

You need a more long term plan, is it worth you changing jobs? Or leaving work for a few years? We’ve gotta do what we’ve gotta do sometimes.

are you entitled to any help such universal credit to pay for childcare or tax free childcare.

I had to drop a day and do my 30 hours over 3 days. So I do 2 long days and a normal.

can u and partner work the holidays out between you with leave? Any friends/family able to help.

its hard isn’t it, i totally get it.

I suppose regularly going off sick to cover childcare will solve your childcare issue as in the long term you won’t have a job.

Take unpaid parental leave this year and next year plan better and save up the money required.

This might have been said already but you are entitled to unpaid “parental leave” and you can take two weeks in one go. I used to use that in the summer and some of the rest during the other holidays to make up the time off I needed.

It would be a really shitty thing to do.

Op I just wanted to say it's so hard. I absolutely understand where you are coming from.

I'm finding I can't really work anything more than very part time or for myself. The care is either or both, eye wateringly expensive or it just doesn't exist/minimal hours/shuts in holidays.

Hopefully in your case parental leave will cover you.

Even though there are policies in place companies don't necessarily follow them. My husband has been pushed out of jobs because he dared to ask for flexibility. Roles that could of been done fully remote. The boss said well if I give you flexibility everyone will ask for it 🙈

We have seen others at work ask for parental leave/unpaid leave and the company have said they could only have it after the holidays. Whilst heavily implying it wont be good for job security.

Looking for another job isn't easy when you need the flexibility from day one. I've been told to let my employer know if my situation changes. Aside from winning the lottery perhaps, my situation is highly unlikely to change.

No amount of planning and sacrificing has helped us avoid these struggles. The system is just useless for many people.

OP's child suddenly became disabled. It's possible her child wasn't even disabled last summer.

You can't 'plan better' when one minute you have a healthy child who goes to a typical after school club and the next minute, you have a severely disabled child who needs specialist, outrageously expensive after school care.

I agree with unpaid leave. However I would consider the impact on other members of staff who may also have children.

I had a very senior manager who took more than one summer holiday off sick citing mental health issues. Funny how the issues only arose during the summer holidays! I can't begin to tell you the bad feeling it caused and any respect for them went absolutely out the window. Seeing pictures of a someone who is having severe mental health problems on hen weekends, at Alton Towers, glamping etc did nothing for moral!!!! Especially when she swanned back in every September tanned and relaxed!

I don’t understand why your professional childcarers can’t get ofsted registered

will cost you £103 unless fee gone up

the nanny if any kind of a professional will have a dbs first aid and pli and a childcare qual

then you will be able to claim and get some money back

SEN childcare is very expensive and often through a PA agency. If you require someone to be ofsted registered they cost much more than you save in tax credits and because they are likely to leave and you get a new person, you’d have to go through the hoop every time.
There is just too many people needing SEN care and not enough trained and experienced people. Why work for a family that requires the hassle of ofsted when you can work for 100s of others who don’t.

If you spend more in childcare than your get as a salary then I would look at long term changes and a different job.

You might consider term working only jobs, a part time job, a fully remote role...

It just sounds like the current arrangement just does not suit your lifestyle.

I mistyped, I meant tax free childcare, not tax credits.

Can you reduce your hours and change to an annualised hours contract? That's that what you need imo.
I had a colleague that was always sick during school holidays, also with very unwell children one of whom has additional needs. She was managed out of the organisation and we were all very glad. No one appreciates people taking the piss.

That’s sad @Peacepleaselouise. I know various sen nannies and have worked with sen myself thi years back as only work nights now as a maternity nurse

do you have to go via an agency and not advertise yourself

just seems a shame you can’t get help with the cost

I had a colleague that did this two years in a row and then I complained. She was disciplined and advised another “summer holiday” absence would result in consideration for dismissal and low and behold she was never “sick” again during summer