Childcare is so expensive I’m considering just going off sick for summer holidays

[CoolMoose]

I'm almost through the Easter holidays with my children (one of whom has significant special needs and goes to special school). My husband and I both work full time, but childcare for holidays wipes out more than our wage so we try to muddle through. However, AIBU that I’m seriously considering going off sick for some of the summer holidays because I’m completely stressed out juggling caring for my children and working at the same time. I can work from home some of the time, but a colleague made some days over Easter compulsory in the office (& I had to go in and take one of my children with me). Is going off sick for a couple of weeks in the big summer holiday the best way to manage this?Of course, I will be booking all the annual leave I have and buying extra leave to cover whatever I can, but it still does not cover school holidays. I’m utterly exhausted from the 2-week Easter holiday and I’m already completely dreading the summer period.

For context, both my husband and I have good jobs, but my husband works away. We have a preschooler (about £45 a day is the cheapest holiday care) and our older boy who has special needs requires specialist care that costs a little over £20ph which works out about £250 a day). We don’t have any family that can help, unfortunately.

I really don’t think this is one of them. I was and am a planner. I had no comprehension that specialist childcare could be £250 a day. That is going to be beyond the reach of most people even very high earners. The OP and her husband are trying to work and I absolutely think there should be more state funded support to help people like the OP.

Absolutely. I’m very fortunate with a flexible employer and a DH who also has a flexible job. But it’s still incredibly difficult to work with a high needs disabled child. We can’t get tax credits because none of the people qualified to care for our child are willing/able to be an ofsted registered nanny. There should be an exception for home based childcare for disabled children that it doesn’t need to be ofsted registered. It seems really unfair that it costs so, so much more than a holiday club or after school but also we get zero help with it.

Yes definitely apply for unpaid parental leave. Its a statutory entitlement, they can ask you to take different dates but unless you work in something tourism related, august is often quite a quiet month for a lot of businesses and a good time to take it. Ive been considering doing the same

Just checking that you are also using this to help pay for childcare: https://www.gov.uk/tax-free-childcare

But I mean come let's face it: there are NO viable options in the UK for summer holidays.

How are people supposed to magic up a solution??

I would suggest unpaid leave or parental leave, or reducing hours to term time only.

I’m so glad you’ve been signposted to unpaid parental leave. One of my colleagues takes two weeks unpaid every summer and her husband does the same, meaning they can save their A/L for an actual holiday with the kids. Mine are younger but I hope to do the same when we get to this point. It’s career dependent I know but the summer hols are very quiet for us as stakeholders are largely OOO.

I think it’s amazing you’ve managed so far with the holidays outstripping your pay. I’m on a very decent Mumsnetty salary and no way could I cover £250 a day childcare; I’m paying £150 a day for two kids in nursery and only just managing…

Hello doctor, I'm feeling stressed , can I have a sick note?

At my GP you don't even have to speak to a human to get signed off just fill on the online form. May as well sign yourself off.

I think there should be insurance policies people can buy before ttc, rather than expect taxpayers to assume even more of the risk of others’ private choices.

Also, it’s possible to save up in advance for unexpected issues. Somehow we’ve gotten away from people doing that and assuming responsibility for the risks they take.

Not saying its easy, but surely between two FT working parents there’s enough, or almost enough AL to cover the holidays? I am a single parent so it’s been a struggle but I manage through working part time and am very lucky to have some family support too. Also have a child with SEN who can’t access holiday clubs, so I do empathise.

That’s a short-sighted and arrogant comment! I hope you are ready for someone you love to become unexpectedly severely disabled, then you can smugly eat your own advice.

I agree about taking parental leave or applying for flexible working. I know someone who is able to work part time (0.7 or 0.8 FTE), taking all the school holidays off and working full time during term time. He is a single parent to a child with SEND. Obviously that kind of arrangement wouldn’t work in all jobs.

I know you won’t get carers allowance as it’s means tested - but this is what your DC’s DLA should be used for (noting it won’t really touch the sides but it is one of the justifications for having a DLA as it is more expensive having a disabled child). But this is also what unpaid parental leave is for.

i say this as someone who has had two disabled dc on DLA at various times and been in receipt of carers allowance for a few years. Calling in sick is dishonest.

“We’ve gotten away from” seems to indicate you thought it was common that in ye good ol’ days it was common to save yo the equivalent of £250 a day childcare for ever day of summer holiday from 5-18, just in case.

literally stunning that you know of so many people who did this.

noone would offer an insurance policy for this. Because it’s a fucking stupid idea and they are smart corporations who understand the real world

Completely unreasonable. Your poor colleagues. I had a staff member that did this. It was obvious. She did get managed and eventually terminated after due process. If you take 2 weeks. Your husband takes 2 weeks. That only leaves one week each unpaid and holidays are done. Either way, you need to choose a way of managing whether you share holiday care with a friend who has kids or family or buy it.

Are there any specialist play schemes in the summer for children with additional needs, the process to access these will differ area to area. Look at SEND local offer on your council website. Your son may be able to access funding for this . If he attends a special school they might be able to point you in the right direction.

I hope it works out for you.

We have someone who goes sick every summer holiday

Wow.

They don't.
I remember paying more for cc during school holidays than I was earning,as do many.
Not fair that people go off sick for this reason

I agree.

It's almost like some people forget that some children suddenly become severely disabled due to illness/accident etc and that not all severely disabled children are born severely disabled.

I had a healthy, active 8 year old
I now have a severely disabled 9 year old

One day he was healthy, the next day he wasn't. It happened so fast.

Did I ever have a conversation with DH about our child suddenly becoming disabled overnight? No, because in the majority of cases, it doesn't happen and you never think it will happen to your child until it does.

I think your workplace would probably guess that you were doing it for childcare reasons and not actually sick

As your husband is away a lot ask him if he has any solutions as you seem to be handling the lions share of the childcare

First post says it all really

YABU OP

And also bear in mind that each parent is entitled to take this as well.

There is one option of one week in my LA. It’s massively oversubscribed, costs a fortune and isn’t full time anyway.