Childcare is so expensive I’m considering just going off sick for summer holidays

[CoolMoose]

I'm almost through the Easter holidays with my children (one of whom has significant special needs and goes to special school). My husband and I both work full time, but childcare for holidays wipes out more than our wage so we try to muddle through. However, AIBU that I’m seriously considering going off sick for some of the summer holidays because I’m completely stressed out juggling caring for my children and working at the same time. I can work from home some of the time, but a colleague made some days over Easter compulsory in the office (& I had to go in and take one of my children with me). Is going off sick for a couple of weeks in the big summer holiday the best way to manage this?Of course, I will be booking all the annual leave I have and buying extra leave to cover whatever I can, but it still does not cover school holidays. I’m utterly exhausted from the 2-week Easter holiday and I’m already completely dreading the summer period.

For context, both my husband and I have good jobs, but my husband works away. We have a preschooler (about £45 a day is the cheapest holiday care) and our older boy who has special needs requires specialist care that costs a little over £20ph which works out about £250 a day). We don’t have any family that can help, unfortunately.

As others have said OP, parental leave is a wonder for this and it sounds like the loss of pay will be nothing compared to what you’re paying out. I use 2 weeks PL every summer holidays (the first and last week) and it’s brilliant.

No take unpaid leave.
Someone in my team is suspected to have done this over Christmas holidays and also always manages to be ill for part of summer holidays.
She is not popular and her career is certainly not being helped by her behaviour.

I don't know how you are still working!

This sounds like a great idea ☝️ and you'd never have to worry again, about covering th summer holiday.

Agree. It’s basically perpetrating fraud on your employer and taking advantage of co workers.

It baffles me why people don’t figure this out before producing children. Care issues are hardly a mysterious secret.

ditto the take unpaid leave

how about retraining? teaching assistant to work term time only? all holidays off?

Yeah, stupid cow, choosing a disabled child.

Is the 18 weeks parental leave the total allowance until the child turns 18? Assuming it must be and not 18 weeks per year?! (I wish it was this!)

Bear in mind they can say no to what but not no in general

She's said she's willing to take unpaid leave once that was suggested, I don't think this is coming from a desire to defraud her employer.

She's also said that she has a child with needs that makes childcare costs very expensive. To be fair, no-one plans for that.

Don’t go off sick unless you really have no alternative. You have a legal right to unpaid ordinary parental leave. If you have a disabled child you can take this in blocks of 1 day at a time. I use it to go part time in the summer to reduce the costs and spend time with my disabled child (whose childcare costs are more than I’m paid and aren’t eligible for the normal help as provided by a specialist 1:1 person).

And society needs to provide adequate childcare provision for children with complex needs. Parents can hardly plan for a child with a high level of need and a months DLA at high rate would cover not quite two days of childcare. Unpaid parental leave is an option but limited over the lifetime of a child and parents of disabled children don’t get more, they just can use it differently.

Until we grapple realistically with childcare (and education) for children with high needs, we will continue to exclude their parents from the workforce losing talent and tax.

I’m assuming you considered that you might have a child for whom care would cost £250 a day before you had children?
Thats far beyond considering normal childcare needs

How can someone plan on having a disabled child? Did you really plan on detail for every potential outcome?

Yes, you can only use 4 weeks a year. But it is 18 per child.

They should. It’s hardly uncommon.
”Dear, before we ttc, how will we cope if one of us becomes ill or disabled? What will we do if one of our children has high needs or disability?”

A lot of people don’t know about parental leave- it isn’t very well promoted at all. I believe it is more flexible for parents looking after disabled children. Normally you have to request full weeks.

OP it is really a miracle you’ve managed the juggle facing childcare at £250 a day- many wouldn’t so you are doing well to be holding down a job at all.

All sorts of scenarios and contingencies can be planned for.

Mine are aged 28-39 now. I was a FT working single parent. I managed. Just. It’s awful I know.
My DGC parents have finally been able to stop paying £££ in childcare and they are loving it.
It’s nothing new I’m afraid.

As a manager I would 100% work with you on a flexible leave application to work 46/48 weeks a year as the summer is a quieter time. So hopefully that is a good option for you 🤞

Be aware that your employer can refuse to let you take parental leave at the requested time if it doesn't suit the business.

Unpaid parental leave - if you’re a higher rate tax payer then the net impact is lower than the gross one because the unpaid bit all comes off the higher rate tax bit of your pay.

Also - look at your employees flexible working and family friendly policies. An annualised hours type contract may be worth looking into. It’s a similar effect to buying leave and taking unpaid parental leave, but formalises things through your contract. Rather than work on part time every week, you work less over the full year.

I’m sure no other parent at your workplace would mind that at all, not a bit…!

We used to use our annual leave separately which just about covered all school holidays but obviously meant minimal family holidays.

Assume your ds gets DLA so that would cover some paid care if you still need it.

Have you looked at all your work policies. We can buy up to 20 days extra holidays plus there’s parental leave or apply for term time only.