Planned to fall pregnant age 15

[Karrotten]

I'm 25 now so this was a decade ago it's something I've never admitted to anyone not even my own mother. Only my husband knows that our first child was not an "accident" and was actually planned even though we were only 15.

Don't get me wrong I have no regrets with how how my life is and I love my child but I look back and think I must of been really disturbed to intentionally do that.
Every one else I know who had a child so young fell pregnant accidentally. Closest I've heard of it being planned is internet theories of young girls getting pregnant just for a council house. I did not even know what a council house or a mortgage was at 15 though.

Not sure what the point in this post is, just musing over something I can obviously never admit to in real life

That's interesting! Do you feel like you had enough information to really 'plan' a pregnancy at that age, as in how it would impact your life etc?

It wasn't your finest moment!

Did you get any qualifications? Have more children?

Was it a positive thing 'I really want a child and my boyfriend has a job and can provide so let's do this' or more of a 'I am not happy with my life right now but I think a baby would make it better'

My dd was planned. I Mc my first a week after I turned 17..
Dd was born 2 weeks before I was 18.

There's nothing you can do about it now, so I'd just put it in the past where it belongs. No, having a baby at 15 isn't ideal. You are certainly not the only one who did, and I'd bet you are not the only one who planned it either. It could have come from anything from wanting to feel grown up to loving babies to having an idealistic view of what having a baby would be like. I don't think you were necessarily disturbed. Naive maybe, impressionable? As long as you feel comfortable now with yourself (as in no long term trauma or anxiety) then I'd not beat yourself up over it.

Managed to do GCSEs while pregnant and went to a college with a nursery attached when my child turned one. I had another child but only last year

If I’m very honest and I hope no one knows me, I think if I’d have not been so scared of my step father who I had to live with after my mum died- the boyfriend I had and had since I was 12, and I would have had a baby then too.
Really for very different reasons, me needing someone of my own to love and perhaps yes some attention and he, because to be frank not being big headed or anything - he just loved me.
He came from a really good family, it was always accepted he was a hard worker and he passed his driving test soon after he was 17, his parents were older and absolutely embraced me and would have loved and supported us.

But life had other plans and I ended up pregnant at 18 to a horrid man who abused me for years.

I still speak to my first boyfriend regularly ( he’s married for the 3rd time and has grown up children like me) and I’m in a happy relationship too, but had we followed our hearts we’d be the same.

You can’t beat yourself up about the past although it can be really shocking- I’ve just completes some training for work I do and my situation at 18 would by todays standards have been classed as ‘grooming’ and probably had some intervention if it was today.

Its hard to remember exactly what was going through my head if I'm honest but I just remember really really wanting a baby. Extreme broodiness I guess.

You didn’t know what a mortgage was when you were 15, only 10 years ago? That’s unusual I would think. Do you think you were quite sheltered or not really taught about real life stuff? Were things like they discussed in the home by your parents? You obviously knew “school stuff” with your GCSEs but do you feel like your home life glossed over everyday real life knowledge? Could that have led to some naivety over having a baby?

I don't think I was that sheltered from real life stuff. My parents didn't have a mortgage they rented my childhood home so it wasn't something that was ever relevant so never spoken about

Every one else I know who had a child so young fell pregnant accidentally.

Did they? They all think you did, after all.

But did you understand finances at all? Obviously it worked out, but to have actually “planned” the baby, did that include planning how to support the child?

Quite.
I think you'd be surprised OP.

That is a fair point

All the young women who got pregnant when I was in secondary school were open about having planned it. Mixture of reasons: wanting to keep a boyfriend interested; getting a flat; wanting to do mum stuff with their friends who were already pregnant; just not really having many other goals in life beyond being a mum. None of them were academic or destined for much ambition, and with hindsight I suppose that if they already knew their lives weren’t going to involve more than a basic job rather than university and a career, being a mum, and staying in our hometown, it probably made teenage sense just to get on with it as soon as they wanted to.

I think it happens a lot more than you realise. I didn’t go through with it but often had thoughts of how I wanted my own baby to love unconditionally and much I wanted that.

Recently a friends DD had a baby at 15, she had a couple of pregnancy ‘scares’ before this and having since seen the video she made taking a test with her friends there is no way it wasn’t intentional. She’s had a tough time at school and struggled with bullying etc, IMO getting pregnant was her ‘way out’, opportunity to make a change of her life path whilst saving face to the ‘friends’ she was trying to get away from.

I had and planned mine at 17. Finished college, got married and had more children with the same man.

Not for a council house either as I’ve never lived in one as an adult.

My friend ‘accidentally’ got pregnant just before leaving home to go to college. She had 4 older sisters married with children but she was the brightest and going to study. However got pregnant and quick wedding instead which I think is what she wanted.

I’m glad it worked out for you OP.
there are some posts which do sound a bit judgy.
being academic and having a baby young are not mutually exclusive.

I was desperate for a baby when I was 16/17. All I could think about was having a baby. I was also really worried that I might have fertility problems so didn’t want to wait. All I wanted to do was plan a baby with my boyfriend at the time.

My feelings subsided a little bit for a couple of years, until I met my ex when I was 20. DS1 was born a year later.

The financial planning involved my boyfriend (now husband) who was also 15 at the time getting a job after we finished our GCSEs.

These days I see secondary school kids and how young and immature they look and can't believe I did it and wonder if I was disturbed in some way

I never really understood how people fall pregnant by accident. Do they just accidentally put a penis in their vagina?

It sounds like you're being unnecessarily harsh on yourself, that's your tone.

You were a child and you made a decision that felt right at the time, and presumably you don't regret your child.

Forgive yourself and be proud of how far you've come.

You are right about today’s teenagers they are not as mature and I actually think that is a good thing in some terms. Teen pregnancy does seem to of fallen a lot in fact most seem to be getting first boyfriends and girlfriends much later.

It’s how men accidentally cheat. Tripped slipped landed