Planned to fall pregnant age 15

[Karrotten]

I'm 25 now so this was a decade ago it's something I've never admitted to anyone not even my own mother. Only my husband knows that our first child was not an "accident" and was actually planned even though we were only 15.

Don't get me wrong I have no regrets with how how my life is and I love my child but I look back and think I must of been really disturbed to intentionally do that.
Every one else I know who had a child so young fell pregnant accidentally. Closest I've heard of it being planned is internet theories of young girls getting pregnant just for a council house. I did not even know what a council house or a mortgage was at 15 though.

Not sure what the point in this post is, just musing over something I can obviously never admit to in real life

I remember reading some research that said a surprising number of teen pregnancies are planned - and because girls want to be mothers, not for a council house. As you’ve found out, it’s hard to admit to so people allow other people to assume it was an accident.

Absolutely. Older mums, and anyone in general, is cheered on to claim benefits on here.

Yes we know you and your husband both have jobs. You keep mentioning it. What you haven't said, in spite of being asked at various points, is how many years you've both worked full time for and whether or not you get any in-work benefits that top up your wages or help to pay your rent, or whether you have claimed benefits in the past. Specifically benefits that you would not have been eligible for if you hadn't had a baby at 15.

What do you and your husband do for a living? Do you work full time?

Haven't RTFT but read all the OP's posts
Having a much-loved baby and giving it a stable life and planning as best you can is amazing.

There's a net value to culture and society when people with such solid values have families. It's not all transactional about who earns and who spends exactly how much.

People who think they know better don't have perfect knowledge either; good parents aren't all high band taxpayers with degrees in economics and sociology.

Love and commitment are priceless and all the people having late complicated pregnancies and children with old eggs and old sperm, and who don't question the current financial system but blame individual young mothers, are arguably a bigger drain.

I would have loved to start a family early and in my grandparents' generation it wasn't uncommon for people to start at 15, 16, 19 etc.

It is funny how women nearing the end of their fertile window are basically told to get pregnant however they can with basically whoever they can yet a teenager 15/16/17/18/19 is irresponsible for doing so.

both ends of the scale can end up with useless deadbeat dads and mums working part time minimum wage but one’s acceptable and neither are likely to get a council house.

Some people I know it’s like a fairy tale do actually find the person they spend their lifetime with young and are those celebrating 60/70 years of marriage not just latching out to the last chance saloon man before menopause hits.

It is funny how women nearing the end of their fertile window are basically told to get pregnant however they can with basically whoever they can

I have never heard, seen or read anyone telling any woman that.

Even the recent post about a women who’s dh had basically announced a change of mine one or two posters at least have told her to just come off the pill and told tell him till after a couple of months.

there has been plenty of threads over the years where women have been told
To just stop contraception and oh well if they didn’t want children they would have had vasectomies. His not great but Im 39 and really want a baby… stay with him till you get pregnant.

But why would it be different if they had the same jobs making them eligible for top up benefits if they were 30 rather than 16

i don’t know anyone at that age wanting a baby, a baby sibling yes, but not a baby of their own. I think it’s bc I come from a background of no sex before marriage, therefore the thought of wanting a baby at that age wouldn’t cross my mind. That’s the problem with kids having sex, they either accidentally fall pregnant and suddenly have to become responsible adults when in reality they are just kids. It shocks me to hear 11 year old kids having sex, honestly ridiculous and the age for having sex should definitely be raised. Kids shouldn’t be making decisions to intentionally have kids

I've certainly heard people in real life saying things like "if you really want one you'll make it happen", or "you might need to go it alone", to women in their 30s. Thankfully I no longer live in that city.

I've already answered this upthread. It wouldn't be different. But the likelihood of being in a comfortable enough position to not need to rely on benefits is much, much higher for your average 30 year old and almost non-existent for a teenager.

For the love of God is there any way another poster would be reprimanded for relying on top ups or being on benefits like this? Of course not. There is zero different between OP and a 35 year old couple of low earners claiming a UC top up, of which there are many on here.

You just don’t like the fact she was a teenage mum and are looking to twist the knife. I think she’s done fine, and has nothing to be ashamed of.

I also come from a no sex before marriage background, but even my parents' generation married very early by today's standards.

Not if they've ruined themselves financially at university. (I'm not anti-education but I am anti-university as a for-profit business.)

Virtually every other poster on here claims DLA or PIP, carers or UC. I would’ve said age was a hugely determining factor 20 years ago, I don’t think it is any more. Yes teenage parents are likely to be claiming benefits of some kind but then so are 30 somethings. You clearly move in circles where everyone you know waited til 35 and has a great job so you assume all 35 year olds have a good job.

Where did you get that 'nugget' from???

DH and I have never had any benefits, apart from child benefit! DH was awarded PIP in his early 60s due to slow heart failure and COPD. Would you like to have that?!!

But I'd imagine at least 50,% of people with kids ( plural) would get some kind of top up. In reality( unlike on here,) it's a very small % of people who are very high earners. Majority of people in retail hospitality factory work etc etc etc are on or very near minimum wage

Well yes, I worded that wrong.

IF you had been born to a 15 year old who had planned it then been angry when you found out seems daft.

It's like me being mad at my Mum for not aborting me when she fell pregnant at 16. I'm obviously glad she didn't.

I understand you are not the OP's child.