Planned to fall pregnant age 15

[Karrotten]

I'm 25 now so this was a decade ago it's something I've never admitted to anyone not even my own mother. Only my husband knows that our first child was not an "accident" and was actually planned even though we were only 15.

Don't get me wrong I have no regrets with how how my life is and I love my child but I look back and think I must of been really disturbed to intentionally do that.
Every one else I know who had a child so young fell pregnant accidentally. Closest I've heard of it being planned is internet theories of young girls getting pregnant just for a council house. I did not even know what a council house or a mortgage was at 15 though.

Not sure what the point in this post is, just musing over something I can obviously never admit to in real life

Nasty. Had you actually bothered to read the OP's posts, you'd have seen that they're still together. I will not link to it ... not my job to do that.

Oh & I was hopelessly in love with my 15yo boyfriend and thought he was forever!

I think it’s more common than you think but most like you pretend it’s accidental. I went to a girls school and some were always having scares. Some teen girls like drama and attention. X thinks she’s pg would get dragged out for days - going to chemist for a test with a little gang, gathering in cloakroom - oh I’m so scared to take it, discussing baby names. 15 mins of fame. Girls who brought their babies in having a fuss made of them.

You are lucky it all worked out and you are still with your partner, it could have been a very different story

Did ye get much help from both (you and partner) sets of parents in terms of childcare and finances?

Exactly. I had my eldest at 16, went on to get a degree now a higher tax rate payer. There are definitely worse things that can happen, all my 3 children are very successful / academic. People make big assumptions about teen mothers, and most of them are wrong.

I think they're mostly planned TBH. I used to be a teacher, there was one girl - her parents didn't want her, so she lived with her Gran, who died. She became homeless then, so her boyfriend's parents took her in. She was so broody in those months after her Gran died - I wasn't surprised at all when she later told me she was pregnant. There are definitely lots of girls who get very, very broody. 2 girls in my 6th form got pregnant and they were also definitely planned.

I actually don't think it's the worst thing in the world if there's good support around. I've always thought that's what probably happened in cave man times (when a lot of people died young ) - the 15 year olds have the babies, but the whole village brings the kids up. I'm a bog standard middle class professional, so had mine in my 30s, but I wish I'd had them in my 20s (but not a teen!), because, as a PP said, I'm going to have less time to spend with them now.

I would say a lot of teenage pregnancies are planned. For my dsis's friends it was a trend. One after the other they 'fell ' pregnant. A year or two down the line most are no longer with the fathers. I'm so happy it all worked out for you OP 💓

As my Great Aunt said when her daughter got pregnant in the 70’s, there are worse things in life than a baby.

It can however be a tough road to navigate.

You might think other teen mums got pregnant by accident but i think many others are probably also keeping a secret.

How did you find it?

If I'd had the opportunity I would absolutely have got pregnant at 15! I was so broody it hurt! I would watch the episodes of the 'Friends' having their babies on repeat, go and finger the sleepsuits in Mothercare, spend hours Googling birth stories etc. It must have been a hormones thing. I was a mess to be honest. Things died down and I was over it in a year or 2. It wasn't a 'want' though, it was a 'NEED', so I can totally see where you're coming from.

A lot of girls I went to school with had babies straight after leaving school and I lived in an area where girls did get pregnant just to get benefits and a council house. You are far from being the only teen to purposely get pregnant

I was desperate to be a mum at 15. Not necessarily at actual 15 - but I wanted children in my early 20s.
Like the OP it wasn't "for a council house" or anything (I knew of council housing but wasn't aware that having a baby could get you one).
I had a vague idea of having a husband who would "look after me" and any babies.
The reason I didn't have a baby then was because I wasn't interested in sex - in fact I was still at the "eww gross" stage. To be honest I never really became very sexual. I'm possibly asexual.
I did get a husband who does look after me (awww) but I only got the one baby when I was 33.
Having children just felt like a purpose and reason for life. I never wanted a career (I know not everyone thinks like that)
There were 4 girls in my school year that had babies right after their GCSEs. A few others had babies in the few years after (so ages 17-19).
I felt jealous they were "getting on with life". I felt so childish still being at college.
I get sad about only having one child.
Okaaaaay..... that's all a bit deep 🙂

No tbh they were old school with a "you made your bed you lie in it attitude"

Things were a struggle at first financially and with finding somewhere nice to live I won't deny it.

Did he get a job?

I had mine at 16 and I can’t imagine wanting it deliberately, but to be honest I was never the maternal type and didn’t even have any younger siblings.

I know someone who had a second baby on purpose though - first one at 14, second at 21.

It sounds like it’s worked out for you all. Well done 🙂. It can’t have been easy.

15 is obvs pretty young to be having sex, let alone getting pregnant. But I guess some people will always be young parents out of choice, because they feel so sure about themselves, their partner and having a child.

A childhood friend of mine had a baby at 18. Obviously, a bit older than you were and at least an adult. But still everyone was shocked at the time. They’re still together now and just as in love as they were then.

While I don’t think it’s preferable, a huge advantage of being such a young parent is it forces you to work hard and focus on having a home and being financially stable. By the time your child’s 20 and off your hands, you’re still only 35 (the age many people start having babies). Plus, you may be well into paying off a mortgage, when lots of peers are only just starting to buy.

If your health and fitness are good, you can party on down in your 40s and 50s when contemporaries are juggling primary kids, work, childcare fees and teenagers.

Good luck to you. I hope you get to really enjoy yourself once the kids are adults 💐

I was 17 when I had my first they are 40 this year ,went on and had two more still with my husband now .We have four grandchildren now.We both worked our socks off over the years so we could buy our own house and give the kids a good upbringing and I think we done ok.

I absolutely wanted to do this. I really liked babies but I also, I think, wanted out of my life as it was. I got pregnant at 15 but I miscarried.

I'm grateful to have had many wonderful childfree experiences: having a baby would have trapped me in a life rather than get me out like I thought it would. I'd have parented an infant ok, I just wouldn't have had the maturity to parent a child any older, once they get complex. So I'm glad I haven't messed up a child's life in that way. I do still think about that baby though. "He"'d be 22 now, which is crazy to imagine while I sit here breastfeeding my youngest.

Good on you for making a good fist of it, OP.

I had my eldest at 19 (pregnant at 18). Technically she was ‘unplanned’ but that was because I’d had a few months being useless at remembering the pill every day and not doubling up on protection, so it was almost inevitable. I still wasn’t thrilled when I found out I was pregnant but didn’t consider termination.

So although it definitely wasn’t an ‘accidentally on purpose’ I still wouldn’t class it as ‘total shock accident/part of the 0.1% of contraceptive failures’

Tbh I think most ‘unplanned’ pregnancies fall somewhere in-between.

My youngest is 14 and talks a lot about wanting to be a mum so I don't find this very surprising. I obviously hope she waits a few years, and have told her that, but I'm a bit taken aback by some of the priggishness on display in this thread

Being a teenage mother hasn’t got you a council house for the best part of 30
years, but i guess a 15 year old wouldn’t know that

Mumsnet is the home of priggishness. I am never surprised any more.

I also planned my first baby at 15. She was born when I was 16 and 3 months. I went to college and did GCSEs then A levels then other courses. Worked in care, trained as a beauty therapist, went into teaching… then went to uni and got my degree. Was told I’d amount to nothing. To be fair I ended up with lupus and not being well enough to work. But now I have a term time/school hours job which I love. My youngest is 5 and oldest is 26 this week. I’ve got a 23 year old and a 15 year old as well. I’ve admitted to my parents now that my oldest was planned and they agree it’s clearly what was meant to be.. she’s a good kid, currently travelling around south east Asia… has a good outlook on life and doesn’t feel like she missed out by being born to “teen mum”. I had a LOT of support and hand on heart felt having her was easier than having my youngest!!!. There is never a right time or right age to have a baby. Shit happens planned or not and we learn from it.

Please be kind to yourself OP, you weren't disturbed for wanting a child at 15, as you said you were just broody and going through the peak of puberty. I remember at 15 thinking my friends and I were so mature, my best friend at the time was also very broody and wanted to get pregnant asap, luckily she didn't until she was 19.

As a teenager you don't have the experience to "know better" you feel like you're an adult but you are incredibly restricted and treated as a child. Having a child yourself may feel like a fast track to adulthood. It's only when you look back you realise how immature you were and just waiting a couple of years feels like a life time at that age, it's why teenagers are vulnerable to being groomed by adult men too, I'm very glad your boyfriend was your age at least. Xx

Yes