Planned to fall pregnant age 15

[Karrotten]

I'm 25 now so this was a decade ago it's something I've never admitted to anyone not even my own mother. Only my husband knows that our first child was not an "accident" and was actually planned even though we were only 15.

Don't get me wrong I have no regrets with how how my life is and I love my child but I look back and think I must of been really disturbed to intentionally do that.
Every one else I know who had a child so young fell pregnant accidentally. Closest I've heard of it being planned is internet theories of young girls getting pregnant just for a council house. I did not even know what a council house or a mortgage was at 15 though.

Not sure what the point in this post is, just musing over something I can obviously never admit to in real life

Every one else I know who had a child so young fell pregnant accidentally.

Not sure why this came out in bold.

I am 70 years old and went on the pill at 16.

Down to the local family planning clinic with a friend. I will always be grateful for that time.

No-one gets pregnant "accidentally" where they have the knowledge and education to prevent it.

But many children are born of rape and incest. Sad but true.

I married the boyfriend I had at 15, and had a few pregnancy scares before my first baby at 18. We lasted 35 years until I was widowed so I guess it would have all worked out ok if it had happened sooner. I don’t think I was disturbed, and I eventually got a good education.

I actually think this whole thing proves that 15 year olds are not mature enough to be having babies. Planning a baby at 15, when you and the father are still a few years off finishing education, living with parents and with no way of supporting yourself or a child is just the apex of immature thinking.

I'm glad it worked out for you OP but there must have been something very wrong to think this was in any way a good plan.

Would you say you felt maternal from a young age. Or was it a need to be loved or have a family of you own. I wonder what your own upbringing was like?

Gosh, was your home life loving and supportive OP, or do you think you were seeking love? Were you besotted with your then BF?

You were not "disturbed". You were naive and immature. But then show me a 15 year that isn't. Perhaps you parents fell short by not educating you about all your options, or instilling any common sense or ambition, or sense of reality, which left you at 15 thinking pregnancy was the most attractive option.

Glad you had a bit of luck and it worked out ok for you, it doesn't for so many.

I think this is more common than people believe, or would admit. I am fairly certain that three teen pregnancies I know of were 100% planned, although I don’t think two of the three would admit it. All three of the mothers I’m thinking of were bright, well-informed girls but all of them had difficult, even traumatic relationships with their own parents and didn’t feel very loved or cared for as teens. I think they were subconsciously trying to replace that with a little family unit of their own, with a baby that would love them as much as they loved the baby.

Teens can be selfish and immature.

I was always terrified of falling pregnant as a teen as I remember thinking how would I afford things? How would I finish school? My parents were not well off and could not have afforded another mouth to feed

Surely it's better that it was planned rather than a result of a fumble with a near stranger?

I wouldn't have wanted a pregnancy at that age, but I have never wanted one and I think it's too late now I'm in my 40s.
My auntie had her first son at 17. I think she felt pressured to marry the father who she wasn't in love with. This was way back in the day.

So you had a child with your partner who is now your husband, it was what you wanted and presumably your life and that of your child is happy? That is a good thing.

I hope you can fulfill your own adult ambitions now your child is a bit older, if you feel you didn't get to do some things that others did in that timeframe.

I know a group of friends who all planned to (and succeeded) get pregnant at 16. The one who told me (probably 10 years later) couldn’t believe how naive they all were but they’re all still friends and regularly post days out with their similarly aged children. I bet a lot of their friends and family don’t realise it was on purpose - they lived close to one another, all with similarly shitty home lives if I’m honest.

Had my first child at 17, second (different fathers) at 29. Wish I could turn the clock back

All my childhood I couldn’t wait to be a Mum and probably would have done the same if I wasn’t scared of my parents reaction. So glad I didn’t and I didn’t end up having a baby till I was 27.

My home life/childhood was fine no traumas or anything. I was just extremely broody, it actually took a couple of months to conceive and I got really worried I might be infertile.
I remember me and my boyfriend even discussed how we might have to start looking into IVF when we turned 18.

It is very strange OP.

I wonder what was going through your head. Yes. Perhaps you were disturbed? Something someone told you? You heard on , read it? About being unable to get pregnant later on?

My sister got pregnant at 16 and not by accident. Was a shock for everyone in the family at first of course. They are still together 20 years on.

Back in the day (was a lot more common for 15year olds to get pregnant in the 90s) I recall so many girls who wanted babies, because they wanted someone who would love them. All very disturbed young women of course

I got pregnant just after my 17th birthday, I’d been ‘careless’ basically since I started having sex with my then boyfriend when we were 15. I knew I was rolling the dice and it was likely to happen sooner or later. My home life was awful and I think I saw it as a way out - have a family of my own, get a flat. Everyone at school seemed to be on a different trajectory with their nice families, encouraging parents and bright supported futures. I never told my then bf that I wasn’t on the pill and I guess he assumed I was. When I got the positive test he hit the roof and demanded I have an abortion, so I did. I didn’t expect that reaction from him. Plus the reality spooked me. We split not long after and I met someone else and had my first at 26 and second at 30. I still feel guilt over the abortion but know their life, or childhood at least, would not have been a happy one. I’m financially stable and I think a good mother, my kids are thriving and happy. It all makes me very sad to think about, both for the baby that never lived and for me and how vulnerable I was at that time. I got a text out the blue from ex bf when I was about 25 saying how guilty he felt and apologising for how he treated me. He said it weighs on his mind a lot as well.

Never said that out loud or written it down until now.

All we can do is move forwards

One of my friends is a retired primary teacher. He mentioned talking about aspirations/life goals/careers with his pupils, and one young girl said she was going to have a baby and get a flat "like me sister".

He was quite depressed at the lack of proper ambition but it wasn't an unexpected response given the family history. She probably fulfilled her goal though who knows.

Meh. I know loads of teen mums.......I was one myself. We've all gone on to live fairly normal, boring lives and careers.

There's never an ideal time to have a child, they're a huge disruption whatever age you are and whilst I wouldn't encourage (( my dc won't ever have children because of disability)) I can think of worse things to happen.

My dd wasn't planned either but I don't regret having her young. The way I see it is I get those extra years to love them and in my situation I'm going to have to be around as long as I can be. I'd be stressing a lot more if I'd had them late 30s or 40s put it that way !!

Disturbing but I also wanted a baby at 16 so you aren’t alone

You were both so young OP. Forgive yourself, ask for forgiveness to the baby and try to make peace with it.

Economically there is an advantage to having a child when you’re older, but I think you’re right to note you’ll be around for longer. I was an older mum with an established business and career, but do know that I could be nearly 80 before being a grandparent if my DD makes the same choices.

Doesn’t sound like she gives a shit never mind wants forgiveness.
Let’s hope the husband never finds out

I wanted a baby with my boyfriend at 15 too, thankfully I didn’t conceive one because I think I would have been a terrible mum at that age, I was so immature really and had no idea of the reality of being a mum. My family were definitely not ambitious, very working class where a man with a van and a trade was seen as the optimum life partner 😂 I don’t think it’s all that unusual tbh, certainly not in working class families. If you think you’ll never earn enough to buy a house or be smart enough to have a career…

What on earth are you banging on about. Try reading it again and try not to be a twat.