Page 6 | Planned to fall pregnant age 15

Karrotten · 2025-04-23T17:47:15+00:00

I'm 25 now so this was a decade ago it's something I've never admitted to anyone not even my own mother. Only my husband knows that our first child was not an "accident" and was actually planned even though we were only 15. Don't get me wrong I have no regrets with how how my life is and I love my child but I look back and think I must of been really disturbed to intentionally do that. Every one else I know who had a child so young fell pregnant accidentally. Closest I've heard of it being planned is internet theories of young girls getting pregnant just for a council house. I did not even know what a council house or a mortgage was at 15 though. Not sure what the point in this post is, just musing over something I can obviously never admit to in real life

TheOriginalEmu · 23/04/2025 21:59

OhCalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 23/04/2025 19:19

I never really understood how people fall pregnant by accident. Do they just accidentally put a penis in their vagina?

Are you ok? You can’t understand that contraceptives fail?

Kindersurprising · 23/04/2025 22:00

Does anyone remember that TV show on BBC called Underage and Pregnant? I was the same age as the girls on the show and thought it all looked so cute and romantic 🫣 a few of them stick in my memory and I wonder where they ended up. There was one girl who was 14 and her boyfriend died in a car accident when she was pregnant - she seemed so sweet and the whole thing tragic. Then there were identical twins who were also 14, one got pregnant straight after the other. The parents seemed lovely and they were devastated, to have one daughter announce they were pregnant was bad enough for them but the second nearly pushed them over the edge.

FedupofArsenalgame · 23/04/2025 22:01

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 23/04/2025 21:59

You will still have made observations and have your thoughts or views surely? We don't exist in a silo!

My mother got married the minute she turned 18 and had me a year and a half later. My dad was quite a bit older. They were happy and had 4 children but my mother was always adamant that this was not what she would wish for her daughters.

I would have run a mile from a baby in my teens, and had very little interest in my 20s either. I've watched my children and my DNs grow up, and the idea of any of them with a baby at the age my mother was is unthinkable!

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Seeing as I don't know any of those type of people IRL no not really. If I did know them I wouldn't really be having much to do with them as poles apart

Kindersurprising · 23/04/2025 22:02

FedupofArsenalgame · 23/04/2025 21:54

I know about SAHM with rich husbands but I've never experienced it so have no idea how it feels in that situation. But if I came up with a negative opinion then I'd probably get shot down on here

A friend's parents ( who married and had kids at 18 20 and 21) said that they grew up with the kids. And in a way it was easier as they'd never had an " adult" life without kids to miss when they were born

I wasn't a teen mum but I was 20 so not that far off. My best friend had a baby at 17. Then another 2 years later. After then splitting up with their dad she did an access course to get into uni then her degree. The kids gave her both the incentive and ability ( as childcare provided etc ) to continue her education and get a professional job. She's the only one out of her family who went to uni

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Yes to be fair teenage parents don’t have the luxury of being stuck in arrested development and spending their lives gaming in their parents spare bedroom. They have to get on with things every day, and in some cases maybe spurs them on where their lives would’ve otherwise stagnated? We can’t be sure they would’ve all gone on to do ambitious things had they not had the babies.

Redpeach · 23/04/2025 22:02

How would you feel if it was your daughter

battgirlatheart · 23/04/2025 22:03

I was planning to have a baby asap from about 13 but was too scared to have sex lol
eventually I got over that and got pregnant at 16 whilst still at school. She’s 36 now!!

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 23/04/2025 22:04

TwoSwannits · 23/04/2025 21:56

being academic and having a baby young are not mutually exclusive

In theory they are not, but in reality they almost always are. It's pretty rare for a naturally academic girl to want to have a baby so young and to go ahead with an unplanned pregnancy. It happens, but it's certainly not the norm. Most girls who have babies while they are still in school fall squarely into a certain social demographic. If it happens that they are naturally very intelligent, they have almost certainly come from a background where this has not been recognised, valued or nurtured.

The woman from my year at school whose story I described up the thread was really quite exceptional. Her baby would be 45 now. She was academic and career-driven, and we were all so shocked when she left school. Girls at my school didn't get pregnant - she was literally the only one I ever knew! She also came from a working class background, and I am fairly sure marriage wasn't her choice either...

TokyoKyoto · 23/04/2025 22:04

TwoSwannits · 23/04/2025 21:40

I hear you. You are a warrior. So much weight on such young shoulders. Hers and yours, but you clearly bore it whereas she couldn't.

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Thanks. It doesn’t feel like that. It feels like I’d outgrown her by the time I was barely an adult, and at every adult juncture (things like travel, marriage, career goal, children, death of a grandparent, miscarriage, etc) I was the more adult person. It feels crazy sometimes.

LBFseBrom · 23/04/2025 22:05

Oh bless you. There's no need for your husband to know now, it sounds as though you two have made it work if you are still together, and you obviously cherish your child.

I planned to become pregnant at 16 but didn't :-). However, at the time I really wanted to; nature had other ideas and, in my case, it would not have been good! Awful guy, ten years older.

I have met loads of teenagers who felt the same, they were desperate to have a child so you are not alone. It really isn't unusual.

Your situation when you were fifteen may have been insecure and you wanted someone to love who would love you. I know that was the case with me and with many other girls but everyone is different.

FedupofArsenalgame · 23/04/2025 22:05

Kindersurprising · 23/04/2025 22:02

Yes to be fair teenage parents don’t have the luxury of being stuck in arrested development and spending their lives gaming in their parents spare bedroom. They have to get on with things every day, and in some cases maybe spurs them on where their lives would’ve otherwise stagnated? We can’t be sure they would’ve all gone on to do ambitious things had they not had the babies.

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Well back then wasn't really the gaming and it would be expected to get a job at 16 and contribute towards parents house

TokyoKyoto · 23/04/2025 22:07

This thread is such an eye opener. I actually feel a bit sick.

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 23/04/2025 22:09

FedupofArsenalgame · 23/04/2025 22:01

Seeing as I don't know any of those type of people IRL no not really. If I did know them I wouldn't really be having much to do with them as poles apart

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I know a few as acquaintances more than friends. It's a very privileged lifestyle but I don't think it would be for me. I shall never know! Most of my friends who have rich husbands also have their own successful careers in their own right.

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 23/04/2025 22:09

TokyoKyoto · 23/04/2025 22:07

This thread is such an eye opener. I actually feel a bit sick.

Why?

StopStartStop · 23/04/2025 22:10

People underestimate the power of hormones. Nature knew you were ready to conceive, and so you did. Don't blame yourself and don't worry about doing something that is 100% natural.

User46576 · 23/04/2025 22:10

FedupofArsenalgame · 23/04/2025 21:54

I know about SAHM with rich husbands but I've never experienced it so have no idea how it feels in that situation. But if I came up with a negative opinion then I'd probably get shot down on here

A friend's parents ( who married and had kids at 18 20 and 21) said that they grew up with the kids. And in a way it was easier as they'd never had an " adult" life without kids to miss when they were born

I wasn't a teen mum but I was 20 so not that far off. My best friend had a baby at 17. Then another 2 years later. After then splitting up with their dad she did an access course to get into uni then her degree. The kids gave her both the incentive and ability ( as childcare provided etc ) to continue her education and get a professional job. She's the only one out of her family who went to uni

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I don’t think it’s a good idea to “grow up with the kids” though. It’s not the best start for a kid and I definitely wouldn’t want it for my daughters.

StrawberryDream24 · 23/04/2025 22:12

wanting to keep a boyfriend interested

Pretty ironic given it often has the opposite effect.

I worked with a lady whose son's gf fell pregnant. They were late teens. They'd already caused their parents lots of eye rolling by getting engaged.

Their relationship didn't last the pregnancy.

He went to a college formal with another girl. Was bemused when his Mum said maybe that was inappropriate.

A couple of months later I walked past him on the town library on a sofa with a different girl on his knee.

I think it actually gave him some kind of weird kudos for other girls. That he had a baby and a baby mama. He looked like he was playing it for all he could.

My colleague and her h tried their utmost to contribute for the baby on his behalf and to maintain a relationship, but they were impeded by how pissed off and resentful etc his ex gf was. Understandably tbh.

Helen890 · 23/04/2025 22:12

Karrotten · 23/04/2025 19:12

That is a fair point

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Yes I went to school with someone who tried for the baby they had at fifteen. My cousin also had preconception supplements in her drawer after her “surprise” pregnancy at a young age - albeit not as young at fifteen.

TokyoKyoto · 23/04/2025 22:12

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 23/04/2025 22:09

Why?

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Because of my horrific experience not being properly parented by a girl just out of childhood. The idea that she might have tried to make it happen is upsetting to me

IAKnowyou · 23/04/2025 22:12

@TwoSwannits yes, we started private renting. Yes it is “your own place” compared to living with parents.. not everybody can afford a mortgage these days, no matter what their age is. No universal credit, just saving and a decent job. Side note - Who spat in your coffee this morning ?!

Kindersurprising · 23/04/2025 22:13

User46576 · 23/04/2025 22:10

I don’t think it’s a good idea to “grow up with the kids” though. It’s not the best start for a kid and I definitely wouldn’t want it for my daughters.

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No but equally, and what is discussed a lot less, are the drawbacks of waiting too long.

There’s a sweet spot from 25-35, but the very educated and professional women I know that had babies in their late 30s struggled for a multitude of reasons. Elderly parents, lack of family support (you need that whatever your age!), juggling toddlers with their high flying career, struggling to physically bounce back, huge mortgages owing to living in expensive aspirational areas.

But this is generally a middle class website and nobody will want to acknowledge the above so

Original poster

Karrotten · 23/04/2025 22:13

nopineapplepizza · 23/04/2025 21:46

Of the teens that I knew who got pregnant (& kept the baby) all have stayed in the place they grew up in and have gone on to have other kids and some became grandparents in their 40s.

i genuinely don’t know whether it was their desire to “settle down” to family life at an early age that drove that, or the resulting stalled education and time spent child raising which led to lower wages and not being able to financially leave their hometown or travel.

Even the ones that decided to go back to education at a later stage have stayed put, with parents, aunts, uncles, cousins etc all living nearby.

Out of curiosity OP, do you still live in the general area of where you were a teen? Or have you travelled more and lived in many areas?

I currently live directly round the corner from the house I grew up in, haven't left my hometown (I don't consider this a bad thing it is a nice town)

OP posts:

User46576 · 23/04/2025 22:16

Kindersurprising · 23/04/2025 22:02

Yes to be fair teenage parents don’t have the luxury of being stuck in arrested development and spending their lives gaming in their parents spare bedroom. They have to get on with things every day, and in some cases maybe spurs them on where their lives would’ve otherwise stagnated? We can’t be sure they would’ve all gone on to do ambitious things had they not had the babies.

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Sadly many teenage mums don’t go onto do “ambitious things” (statistically they are much less likely to do so). Of course it’s fantastic for those who manage to overcome challenges but it remains a fact that it’s much much easier to finish education, build a career and buy a home etc without a child.

Original poster

Karrotten · 23/04/2025 22:17

TokyoKyoto · 23/04/2025 22:07

This thread is such an eye opener. I actually feel a bit sick.

It's definitely eye opening. Like I said I'd never admit to it in real life so it's been interesting to see so many posters saying they had a similar urge to have a baby young even if they didn't act on it.

OP posts:

Kindersurprising · 23/04/2025 22:19

User46576 · 23/04/2025 22:16

Sadly many teenage mums don’t go onto do “ambitious things” (statistically they are much less likely to do so). Of course it’s fantastic for those who manage to overcome challenges but it remains a fact that it’s much much easier to finish education, build a career and buy a home etc without a child.

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Im actually not convinced. Finish education yes - but not everyone has the potential, or wants to, or should have a high flying career. Presumably you get your hair done, want to be served in shops etc - so somebody has to do these roles.

Everyone I know with huge ambition who went on to do well regarded degrees are quite stressed, most live in Oxford/London/Bristol and are struggling to afford a nice house even on very good wages. I’m not sure it’s the rewarding life we assume it is.

Don’t get me wrong I’m not saying ‘hey, so get pregnant at 16 instead’. Just pointing out that the parental obsession with achievement and university might not be the recipe for a happy life we make it out to be. I think a lot of 30 year olds feel quite conned by it.

StrawberryDream24 · 23/04/2025 22:20

Kindersurprising · 23/04/2025 22:13

No but equally, and what is discussed a lot less, are the drawbacks of waiting too long.

There’s a sweet spot from 25-35, but the very educated and professional women I know that had babies in their late 30s struggled for a multitude of reasons. Elderly parents, lack of family support (you need that whatever your age!), juggling toddlers with their high flying career, struggling to physically bounce back, huge mortgages owing to living in expensive aspirational areas.

But this is generally a middle class website and nobody will want to acknowledge the above so

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Agree but how many men really want to have children during that sweet spot (especially the younger end)?

(And most people partner people close to their age).

To be very honest, the only men I know who had kids below 30 were either religious, conservative ...or their partners fell pregnant accidentally or "accidentally" (as per the subject of this thread).