Planned to fall pregnant age 15

[Karrotten]

I'm 25 now so this was a decade ago it's something I've never admitted to anyone not even my own mother. Only my husband knows that our first child was not an "accident" and was actually planned even though we were only 15.

Don't get me wrong I have no regrets with how how my life is and I love my child but I look back and think I must of been really disturbed to intentionally do that.
Every one else I know who had a child so young fell pregnant accidentally. Closest I've heard of it being planned is internet theories of young girls getting pregnant just for a council house. I did not even know what a council house or a mortgage was at 15 though.

Not sure what the point in this post is, just musing over something I can obviously never admit to in real life

Really ?

Yes?

Well me and husband both work and he's worked ever since he left school so not quite the taxpayer burden you're implying.
Although I have no regrets I'm aware it was a stupid and risky thing to do planning a child at 15 (not 17/18) which is why I made this thread really just musing.

Can you honestly say that when you were 15 you thought about "how best not to be an unnecessary and deliberate drain on the system"

Well it depends on that specific 30 year old and her situation, but unless the OP or her BF were independently wealthy with parents who financially supported them and their child entirely and paid their rent and bills for them while they worked to get to the point they are at now, then there will have been significant cost the taxpayer as a result of their choice to have a child that young. It's not that hard to work out.

If she and her BF are absolute anomalies to that common assumption and I am wrong, then she's very welcome to come and explain how/why. But even if they are, it doesn't change the fact that most 17 yo parents are not.

Sorry, I forgot you were 15, I am mixing you up with someone else on the thread who said they planned it when they were 17 and had the child when they were 18.

Can you honestly say that when you were 15 you thought about "how best not to be an unnecessary and deliberate drain on the system"

Yes, absolutely. I come from the sort of background where that was drummed into me. And I have drummed it into my children.

.but what's the difference if an unemployed 30 year old has a baby? Not all 30 year olds are high earners etc. Could say the same for anyone who has a baby if the parent is unable to work due to disability. Or shouldn't they have kids either?

just a bit of a waste really.
sure, you’ve probably had an okay life. That’s probably not what you’d want for your child.
Are we not all striving to do better with every generation? Or is that just me?

just a bit of a waste really

A waste of what?

At school those who got pregnant had parents (or mothers at least) who didn’t work so they got immense help.

it was really just the done thing for many and had been for generations.

and it still goes on as most of those girls are grandmothers now having never really
worked and neither have their children

OP out of curiosity, would you be happy to be a grandma in 5 years?

None, of course. But the average 30 year old is far more likely to be in a financial position to support a child, more likely to be in a stable and lasting relationship, more likely to have some work experience, some qualifications, a half decent job, more likely to have already paid substantially into the welfare pot, even if they haven't been an especially high earner. If they've earnt anything in the years since they left education they've contributed a fair bit.

What has the average 15-17 year old paid in so far? What are they likely to be earning in the first 5-7 years of their child's life, if anything at all? How capable of paying all of their own rent and bills are they from the minute their child is born? How likely is it that they will be able to command anything more than minimum wage based on the skills, experience and qualifications they have as a teen mum? How likely is it that once they have a job, it will pay well enough for them to fund their own childcare instead of relying on free childcare as a way of the government coaxing them into work, because otherwise the sums don't add up? How likely is it that if they go to uni, they'll be paying exactly the same loans as every other student without a child, renting a room in a shared house, probably paid for by their parents, instead of having a private place of their own for them and their child and well as various other elements of financial help including free childcare while they study?

A young student with a child is not expected to live on their maintenance loan alone or to fund their rent and bills the same way as a regular student without a child. Who do you think pays for that? Father Christmas?

I wouldn't be happy no but it would be hypocritical of me to be overly angry. DC doesn't seem likely to want a child so young although perhaps my mother thought the same about me

Statistically it's very likely though, especially if your child is a girl.

Well fair enough I'm sure most people have parents who tell them to study and aim to get a good job but was it actually drummed into you not to "be a drain on the system" those exact words? Really? You can't see how most 15 year olds aren't thinking about that or even aware of how the system works

I really wanted a baby when I was 15 too. If I’d been sexually active I might have had one. You’re a child, you don’t think things through properly.

Probably not in those exact words, no. Did it need to be, to count? It's the values and the overall message that matters.

Neither are the people who claim it, but they still do.

Presumably OP lived at home with parents until the baby was 2/3, by which point she said her boyfriend had a job and they rented privately. Unless housing benefit was claimed she didn’t cost the state a penny more than a 30 year old, who is actually more likely to be claiming housing benefit (and other benefits) because they’re old enough to live away from home.

The vast majority of people on benefits that I know having babies started having babies in early 20s and are still at it now, in their mid 30s, on baby number 4 or 5. Usually a mix of UC, DLA, PIP going on. Op didn’t even have her second until fairly recently, so I think you’d be hard pressed to make the case that she’s cost the state more than your average low earning 30 year old.

Well, exactly. If a career etc is so fulfilling why do the scales seem to fall from many 38 year olds eyes and they decide they want to be a mother after all? Of course it’s possible to take fulfilment from both, but to make out slaving away to pay taxes is an inherent recipe for happiness compared to having a baby is nonsensical. Op was never guaranteed a life of an amazing career, beautiful home, exciting travel and abundant nice men even without the baby. The vast majority of women, babies or not, do not get this.

@Karrotten If either of my daughters had become pregnant at 15 (gulp!) I would have been horrified but that said it sounds as though the maturity you lacked at the time has come to you both. Well done in continuing with your studies, (both of you), it can't have been easy.
I hope you have a long and happy life growing up with your children.

Well yes they probably just told you to study hard and aim for a good career like most parents tell their children it's not really the same as having it drummed into you "not to be an unnecessary and deliberate drain on the system".
Not that you had much of an argument because I can't think of many 15 year olds who think about how not to be a drain on the system

But you specifically said that what the OP did was ‘a bit of a waste’?

You are presuming a lot there. Perhaps the OP would like to clarify? She's said that she did GCSEs while PG then went to a college with a nursery attached, which would have been free, I imagine.

She says 'me and my husband both work and he's worked ever since he left school' but she also says he went to college then uni, and he's only 25 now, so I'm not sure how long he's actually been working full time for? Also not sure whether he was technically living with the OP and their child while he was at uni, because if so, there would have been financial help with rent and living expenses, the family would not have been expected to live on his student maintenance loan alone, as would be the case with most other students his age with the assumption that parents would contribute towards his rent.

Or perhaps he lived with his parents or was living in a room in a student house, in which case was the OP her paying rent and bills all by herself in her late teens? Or was she still living at home and her parents were keeping her entirely? She doesn't mention what age she was when she moved out of her parents house, or whether she and her partner have always lived officially as a couple in the same residence since then. She also doesn't say how long she's been working for and whether it's full time, part time or whatever.

Well I already said in a previous comment I appreciate the young parents health visitor I had who regularly visited and gave me advice and support.
Me and my husband both have jobs so I don't see why you expect me to endlessly grovel when there are plenty of older parents out there who are unemployed their whole lives and no one expects them to say thank you