Car as main surprise 18th birthday gift

[Vulture22]

Im coming from a place of growing up with zero help, had to get and pay for my own lessons/licence/car, as did DH, so I’m asking for opinions as some people have made me feel it’s well…odd

DDs 18th birthday soon and we’ve bought her a car as a main gift, she doesn’t know. Won’t be much more substantial just a few little bits as we’ve been paying for lessons/car purchase and will be covering her insurance for this year.
Shes got her test just before, it’s the car model she wanted, and I was thrilled to be able to do this for her as we didn’t get anything like it, I can’t even remember my 18th. It took ages to find an instructor with availability and then a while to get a test, hence she’s nearly 18 by the time she’s getting there.

A lot of people seem to think she should have had a car months ago when she started learning, or she should have just got a car anyway and it not to be a birthday gift? I’ve been almost made to feel tight. I would have been chuffed to bits with a car but maybe I’m still comparing to my upbringing too much.
I guess I’m just feeling down that I was chuffed and now feel a bit deflated.

YABU a car shouldn’t be a gift just an expected life thing

YANBU a car is a fine main gift for an 18th birthday

i got a £100 phone for my 18th in 97, it was pay as you go and only text messages/calls.

I didn’t have lessons paid for either.

Some of my friends did but i know no one that had a car bought for them. My nephews and nieces neither sets of parents have even paid for lessons nevermind cars. No one had the money. ( This is within the last ten years).

Your daughter is lucky and hope she appreciates such a lovely gift. Ignore the comments.

From the title I honestly expected the OP to be asking if a car is too extravagant a gift. Is it better for them to have to work towards a big purchase themselves? That kind of thing.

No OP, it's not a miserly gift!

I thought this was going to be that some people said it's too much! It's a brilliant gift, your DD is really lucky.

FFS, OP, your friends are off the scale loopy. A car! Tight! Jeeesus.

Seriously, OP, you need to not succumb to peer pressure and comparison. I hope your Dd has grown up with the confidence not to envy wealthier friends and fall prey to seeing their experience as what she should feel entitled to!

Yes, give your head a wobble! Set a good example!

It is a different world on Mumsnet. I and all my friends saved up our own money for these sorts of things.

I will be doing the same for my children; teaching them the value of money and saving up.

I gave my DS my old car ( 10 plate astra)as an 18 th birthday gift. He was very happy. And if you are covering the insurance also then that's a fantastic gift. Ignore stupid people

This. I think I must exist on another planet - a poor one!

This. I paid for some driving lessons and they bought their own cars. I seriously don't know anyone who got a car for the 18th or 21st.

She's a very lucky girl. Happy Birthday to her

It's a fantastic gift and she's very lucky. Why people feel the need to put you down over it I have no idea.

My daughter is about to turn 18 and all we're doing is going for a meal, she's getting some small gifts like new headphones and jewellery and I'm taking her for a shopping day. I can't stretch to a car and even if I could she's going to uni in a city in September so it would be a bit of a waste.

yabu only because the only options are 'shouldn't have been a gift' or 'is an okay gift' - it's an amazing gift!

YANBU, that's an amazing present!

One or two of my DCs friends got cars for their eighteenth birthdays, mainly those who lived very rurally. They weren’t usually new and were chosen for insurance group, safety and cheapness to run. The majority of them drove their parents’ cars or had to save themselves. We bought an old manual car for all three to learn on and share .

Lovely gift not miserly!! We are fairly affluent but haven’t bought cars for kids (who show little interest in learning). My question is whether you’ve thought through who will pay for the insurance, that may be more than the cost if the car!

Thanks everyone, I will give my head a wobble.
Wind just got took out of my sails, the draw back of living in a very affluent area when you are not I guess and maybe some people are pissed that they didn’t give as a gift and had to spend twice the amount 😂
I will be giving her the car excitedly still.
She won’t be spoilt but is still at college and we live rurally, she needs to drive to get to a job next year. She’s already saved a little towards a car/insurance so she can start using that next year as it’s all so expensive.
she’s not an entitled kid at all and very sensible.

She'll be thrilled, and that's what matters. Don't let others spoil it for you. You certainly aren't tight.
I actually thought the thread was going to be about people saying it was too much!!

Ok maybe not a lot of people, that was wrongly worded I guess. 5 probably know and 3 said things that made me feel a bit shit. I 100% did not say that as I didn’t feel tight at all, I thought it was quite generous! 😂

Goodness! A car is a big significant birthday gift. I'd be delighted in her situation. My parents paid for some lessons and put me on the insurance for their car which I thought was perfectly reasonable. (We didn't live somewhere where a car was essential)

Jesus, I consider myself pretty well off but I wouldn’t have bought a car for a gift. Paying for driving lessons was extravagant enough!

Jeezo! I thought your query was going to be about your discomfort buying such an extravagant gift compared with what you had. As I also grew up with little and part of me really struggles with kids being given huge gifts like this and not having to work for them. So yadnbu in my mind, ridiculous to say that’s tight…

Agreed. Same here. No one I know could afford to do this. It’s a lovely gift.

I don’t know anyone that was gifted a car or their parents just bought them one anyway. All my friends and family paid for it themselves. I saved up for mine and paid for my own lessons. My mum paid for the deposit on the car insurance which was a few hundred and that was more than most my friends got!

It’s very generous not tight at all, maybe those folk saying that have too much money.

I have a friend that lets her son borrow hers and she says she’ll probably give it to him at some point and get a newer one for herself. That’s about as generous as I’ve seen in real life!

People have absolutely no idea! I came from a poor family and my mum worked hard to save enough for 10 driving lessons for me for my 17th birthday. After that, I paid for it myself. I remember other kids in school telling me how stupid I was to pay for driving lessons when I didn't have a car (while many of them drove around in new or nearly new cars paid for by mum and dad!) I kept going because I'd seen my mum pass her test late in life and I wanted to just get my license. Anyway, when I graduated uni several years later, my mum gave me her old car (worth maybe £400) as she was finally in a position to get herself a new(er) one. I was over the moon! So long story short, you are doing something absolutely lovely and the idiots saying otherwise can jog on! I genuinely feel so grateful to my mum for doing what she could and people need to realise that not everyone is in the same boat but also... giving your kids too much makes them pompous dicks who think everyone who doesn't do it their way is wrong!

My parents didn’t even offer to pay for any lessons. They also made it very clear that we would not be allowed to use their car if and when we got our driving licenses. Of course a car is a very generous birthday gift.

I think it's an awesome, super generous present, and your DD will be delighted! How are you planning on giving it to her? Perhaps wrapping the keys up in a big box?

I am excited for you 😊