To not understand parents who send young kids to boarding school?

[Roxietrees]

I know some parents may not have much of a choice but to send DC to boarding school eg. Working in a foreign country with no international schools close by (although I believe that’s a career choice that’s probably not compatible with having kids). I also understand teens who maybe want that experience and if the parents have the money why not. But what I can’t get my head round is wealthy families living in the UK, where the mum is a SAHM and the kids are shipped off to boarding school aged 7 because it’s “family tradition”. Especially the ones that don’t come home at weekends. What is the point in having kids if you’re effectively going to put them in a posh care home by the time they’re 7??

Yes, so basically everyone else parenting the child, rather than the actual parents.

I’m not a boarding parent. I’m merely trying to point out that parents make different decisions. You seem quite angry at decisions others make which don’t even affect you.

That’s an interesting take. I think that putting kids into care is in their best interest and that’s why it’s done. Maybe your system is different than mine but the only reason they do it where I live is because it’s in their best interest.

You could level that criticism against any parent who chooses to use any form of child care. There are plenty of parents who could afford to “parent their own children” but who choose to go back to work, often full time, and put their babies into nurseries.

Are people now equating nurseries with boarding school?!

Both of my parents went to boarding schools from the age of 11. They were boarding schools for deaf children and they both loved their schools. In my mom's case especially it was good for her to be around deaf people because her own mother never even bothered to learn sign language even though her own daughter was completely deaf.

Boarding parents will, in most cases, have spent the past 4 weeks with their children, far more than children at most other schools.

How does that work, do most boarding school parents not work?

Ok I'm out. There's literally no point to this. Those who are anti are completely out of touch with what it really means to board and seem to think that there's only one definition of parenting too. Anyone who defends boarding is being slated and sniped at, so I'm out. Feel free to carry on bouncing around your echo chamber.

The comment was in response to posters saying that parents shouldn’t pay others to parent their children. Parents who use full time nursery 8-6 every day will barely see their children. Their children spend more waking hours being looked after by others than their parents. I’m not criticising either choice. I’m pointing out that different families make different decisions, and shouldn't be criticised for doing what works for them.

But you are saying they are the same thing, children don't wake up or sleep over at nursery do they?

A few of my friends are the same. Most of them boarded because their fathers worked overseas, some were in the Foreign Office/British Council, a couple in the military and a few worked for big multi-national companies. Only one of them hated their time at boarding school, the others enjoyed it.

We're all old though, so this would have been in the late 50s/1960's. Women married to men in senior roles were expected to travel with them if they were posted overseas and boarding was a lot more usual for the moneyed classes.

However, I am a bit judgey about someone I know who had both their children in weekly boarding from 11. The parents lived on the Surrey/Berks border and the children were in separate boarding schools in Sussex. I'm sure that they could have found suitable schools near enough for them to be day pupils, and the parents were absolutely loaded so could easily have afforded fees for the best local independent schools. The children are in their 20s now, and the parents have moved to Sussex, and bought a house almost equidistant between the schools the children went to, within walking distance in the case of one of them.

DD could have boarded from 8 (chorister) but I took the decision that she shouldn't as she was very young in her year. I'm not sure I would do the same if I had my chance again as being a one trick music pony in the horrible London private day school arena was incredibly damaging for her and left her nearly broken. Specialist boarding at 16 put her back together again but if only I could have spared her the pain of the intervening years.

A lot of boarders will have a parent who doesn’t work, or works very flexibly. Some work at home. Either way, their children have been at home for a month, not at school.

I'm just giving my opinion like everyone else, but when it differs to some, im asked for stats or evidence and told my opinion is pointless. Very hypocritical when they don't have their own stats or evidence.

i think some parents have legitimate reasons for boarding school but why pretend all do?

Babies and toddlers do sleep at nursery, albeit during the day.

I could have written that!

A lot of boarders will have a parent who doesn’t work, or works very flexibly. Some work at home. Either way, their children have been at home for a month, not at school.

@Another76543 how is that different to dc not in boarding schools? Plus even on the days I wfh I wouldn't call that spending time with my dc, Im working!

Babies and toddlers do sleep at nursery, albeit during the day.

That's not what I said though?

So you don't approve of parents who have children with SEN or complex physical/mental health issues sending their children to a specialist school which requires the child to board?

What are these children supposed to do in your opinion?

'Ha don’t think anyone thinks putting a child into care is in their best interests. It’s not a choice, it’s a last resort. Boarding school is a choice and not a last resort for most people'

Exactly.

@sofasoda some parents work shift work and YES babies and toddlers need night care by others. really mind boggling when people forget that hospital airports and multiple other jobs means shift work, or maybe you want your emergency staff to only work m-f most weeks and from 9-3pm.

I have met people who complained about boarding school. Likewise a nanny as this person I knew would hardly ever see his parents enough. Obviously must depend on the individual person.

I went at 11, so a bit older, because my parents were divorcing and I thought I could escape from reality at school. It was an extremely damaging experience, although I believe that’s largely school dependent. A shocking number of old school friends admitted decades later they’d all hated it, but thought they were the only one suffering. Our parents all believed we were fine. I still feel a bit sick when I go past the school, as I still live in the area.

My friends kids both board and I feel sorry for her! They appear to have a blast, she on the other hand seems a bit lost. She did board herself so knows what it’s like

Yep, they do.

And imagine how it must feel for those parents who had to make that difficult decision being told they are at best damaging their children emotionally for life and at worst offering them up to be abused and raped.