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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my friend overreacted? Air BNB situation

382 replies

userfriendly55 · 22/04/2025 22:24

The weekend before last my friend and I went to London to see a show and have a bit of a girly weekend, we do this quite often. I have an airbnb account, she doesn’t, so I usually book an airbnb (after consulting with her) and she pays me half.

I am quite fastidious with cleaning them as I don’t want to lose my rating, so we always make sure the place is spotless before we leave.

The place we stayed in was a 1 bedroom maisonette but spread over 2 floors. We agreed I would have the bedroom as I have a chronic health condition. She slept downstairs on the sofa bed. There was an upstairs bathroom and downstairs toilet. All happy with this when we booked.

We were getting ready to leave on the Sunday and we had all cleaned up. Literally about to go out the door. My friend said she needed to use the toilet before we left and went to go upstairs. I asked her why she was going upstairs, and she said the downstairs toilet wasn’t flushing properly, and she was on her period. I told her not to go upstairs because I had just checked/cleaned the bathroom upstairs and didn’t want to have to do it again. She got annoyed and we had a bit of a discussion before she conceded and used the downstairs toilet after I told her that she’d have to flush it a couple of times.

We left and all was fine but she has been a bit off with me since in our conversations. We had a good time and haven’t argued about anything else this is the only thing that there was an issue about. So it must be the toilet thing that she is cross about ?

Was I unreasonable??

OP posts:
Original poster
userfriendly55 · 22/04/2025 23:40

MereNoelle · 22/04/2025 23:37

If the sofa bed in the lounge was no different to you having the bedroom, why did you need the bedroom?

I have a chronic health condition which means I need easy access to a toilet. I also need a proper bed. The upstairs bathroom was right next to the bedroom. The downstairs toilet was down a hallway from the lounge. I receive disability benefits for this

OP posts:
Isittimeformynapyet · 22/04/2025 23:40

I'd argue that people are focusing on the fact that you are an outrageous, unpleasant freak, but all you're taking from this is that some posters have mentioned that your friend got the raw end of the deal financially?

Blackdow · 22/04/2025 23:41

userfriendly55 · 22/04/2025 23:34

I don’t know why people are focusing on the cost. It’s irrelevant. We didn’t discuss the split on this occasion. I showed her the Airbnb listing and said the total cost was £240. I asked if I could have the bedroom and she said of course. She then sent me £120. She didn’t say, is it ok if I pay less than half. If she had I would have agreed. As it happens the sofa bed was in a separate lounge, so not very different to a bedroom really.

So what? This doesn’t matter. Why are you ignoring your very poor behaviour? You treated your friend like someone who can’t be trusted to use a toilet. What difference did it make? If she made a mess in the downstairs loo, it would affect your rating just the same as the upstairs loo. It made zero difference. You just wanted to control the situation and have a chance to tell someone what to do. It was so so rude. You were so rude.
But it’s not just the controlling aspect of this, it’s the way you treated your friend like she couldn’t use a toilet cleanly. Do you see how insulting that is? Apologise for your behaviour.

Waitinggame42023 · 22/04/2025 23:41

Wow, I can't believe the cheek of you, quite frankly. Regardless of the reason, if I wanted the better bedroom (or in this case, the only bedroom), I'd have offered to pay more straight away.
And if I was your friend, I'd have felt I couldn't really say no or ask to pay less if you'd cited the reason you needed the more comfortable facilties as 'health reasons'.
You behaved like an entitled princess and treated her like a naughty child- she deserves an apology from you.

MereNoelle · 22/04/2025 23:41

userfriendly55 · 22/04/2025 23:40

I have a chronic health condition which means I need easy access to a toilet. I also need a proper bed. The upstairs bathroom was right next to the bedroom. The downstairs toilet was down a hallway from the lounge. I receive disability benefits for this

Show quote history

So having the bedroom was different to having the sofa bed in the lounge then.

wowwhataday · 22/04/2025 23:41

You were totally unreasonable here and quite frankly condescending. You owe your friend an apology

Talipesmum · 22/04/2025 23:42

MereNoelle · 22/04/2025 23:21

I would clean it if there were visible signs of blood/shit.
The weird thing here is your assumption that your friend would leave visible signs of having been to the toilet without cleaning it herself. Pretty insulting.

Show quote history

Yes, this. You’re saying to her that she can’t be trusted to leave the toilet in a clean state. She’s a grown adult. It’s not like she’s an unreliable child, or someone who has previous form in leaving toilets in a bad way (I presume, or you’d have mentioned it). It’s very insulting to say to her “I don’t trust you to leave the toilet in a clean state so please go downstairs”. Very patronising.

Thistooshallpass. · 22/04/2025 23:43

I doubt your friend will be going on any more trips with you .. you have the bedroom and proper bathroom but pay the same . You dictate about toilet use . You obsess about your rating and air bnb account . What a fun time !
out of interest what’s the health condition that dictates you must have the bedroom ?

HangTheDJHangTheDJHangTheDJ · 22/04/2025 23:43

Obviously YABU

Monty27 · 22/04/2025 23:44

I'm sure that'd be a bit spenny but at least it'd be cleaned for you hopefully @userfriendly55

OoooopsUpsideYourHead · 22/04/2025 23:45

Haha! 🤣

Yes of course YABU

But I've a feeling you know that 😉

rosemarble · 22/04/2025 23:45

I don't understand. By your standards you'd need to clean either toilet after she used it. It wasn't like she was having a bath or shower. While it's good to leave the place clean, using the loo just before you leave, flushing it, checking it, and giving the sink a quick wipe would be completely fine.

InWalksBarberalla · 22/04/2025 23:46

userfriendly55 · 22/04/2025 23:40

I have a chronic health condition which means I need easy access to a toilet. I also need a proper bed. The upstairs bathroom was right next to the bedroom. The downstairs toilet was down a hallway from the lounge. I receive disability benefits for this

Show quote history

None of that is relevant to why you wouldn't let your friend use the upstairs toilet. Why can't you answer the many questions on that point? Do you not trust your friend to clean up after herself if needed? Why would it be worse for your rating for the upstairs toilet to be less clean than the downstairs toilet?

SwingandaPrayer · 22/04/2025 23:47

I think secretly you smeared shit on the walls of the toilet upstairs and you didn't want your friend to see and that's why you told her to use the downstairs toilet. Can't think of any other logical reason otherwise to be so unreasonable and weird.
Of course someone comes in to clean. How do you think the beds get made up for the next guests?

TimeForTeaAndG · 22/04/2025 23:47

userfriendly55 · 22/04/2025 23:21

Not all airbnbs have a professional cleaner

Well, that's their problem then. So long as the toilet is flushed and has no visible stains or whatever on it then that's as good as it needs to be.

Moveoverdarlin · 22/04/2025 23:53

I’m an adult, I don’t want to divulge to my friends if I need a shit, change a tampon, quick wank, apply piles cream or anything else. I’ll use whatever fucking toilet I like, and I’d clean it afterwards.

I assume she’s not prone to smearing shit over the walls or anything? Is she usually not to be trusted going to the toilet without your guidance?

AliBaliBee1234 · 22/04/2025 23:55

She was on her period and you made her use a toilet that didn't flush properly? You should apologise.

LadyGAgain · 23/04/2025 00:05

Yes you’re being proper odd.

Strangeworldtoday · 23/04/2025 00:07

You are so rude, dictating to anotber woman how and where she should use a toilet.
Your friend is an adult capable of leaving the toilet as she found it.

Missanimosity · 23/04/2025 00:09

How horribly rude. F**k me, if I was your friend I would never go with you again! Of course everybody cleans the toilet after themselves what made you think your friend wouldn't? To go after her and check???? No no no no she was too nice with you!

Missanimosity · 23/04/2025 00:17

And you also said both toilets flush dodgy so it made no difference. If it should make no difference for her, why it made a difference for you? You make no sense and your excuses are poop. When you book air bnb kost of them have a cleaning fee, what you pay for if you do the work you paid for? Make beds, wash dishes, clean toilets of visible marks (self respect not for others ) put rubbish out, towels in a pile on the floor, tidy up job done. Anything beyond that is frankly silly.

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 23/04/2025 00:29

She then sent me £120. She didn’t say, is it ok if I pay less than half. If she had I would have agreed.

You should have offered to pay more. As for the other issues , of course you are unreasonable.

Ottersmith · 23/04/2025 00:30

Do you think you have to clean your Airbnb ready for the next person or something? Airbnbs are just holiday homes, they will need to come and clean the toilets themselves after each guest. Never heard of anyone scrubbing a toilet. There doesn't seem to be anyone on this thread who thinks your behaviour was reasonable. There seems to be a problem with self awareness here. I would be surprised if the toilet incident was the only problem she had.

Rklap · 23/04/2025 00:31

You basically outright said you couldn’t trust her to leave the upstairs toilet clean after use. And forbade her from using the loo she wanted to in an Airbnb.

She probably wanted a bit of privacy. Very unreasonable of you to prevent her from having this. She even had to tell you she had her period and still you wouldn’t allow her to go to the more private loo. I bet she is really pissed off with you controlling her like this and making her uncomfortable and embarrassed.

You paid equal amounts so you had no right to ban her from the upstairs loo.

Talipesmum · 23/04/2025 00:40

At a push, you could have said “oh, I’ve just put some bleach down there, could you do that again when leaving as I like to leave it that way at the end of a booking?” That would be a bit persnickety but not wholly bonkers. Telling her she can’t use it at all - not at all reasonable.