To think my friend overreacted? Air BNB situation

[userfriendly55]

The weekend before last my friend and I went to London to see a show and have a bit of a girly weekend, we do this quite often. I have an airbnb account, she doesn’t, so I usually book an airbnb (after consulting with her) and she pays me half.

I am quite fastidious with cleaning them as I don’t want to lose my rating, so we always make sure the place is spotless before we leave.

The place we stayed in was a 1 bedroom maisonette but spread over 2 floors. We agreed I would have the bedroom as I have a chronic health condition. She slept downstairs on the sofa bed. There was an upstairs bathroom and downstairs toilet. All happy with this when we booked.

We were getting ready to leave on the Sunday and we had all cleaned up. Literally about to go out the door. My friend said she needed to use the toilet before we left and went to go upstairs. I asked her why she was going upstairs, and she said the downstairs toilet wasn’t flushing properly, and she was on her period. I told her not to go upstairs because I had just checked/cleaned the bathroom upstairs and didn’t want to have to do it again. She got annoyed and we had a bit of a discussion before she conceded and used the downstairs toilet after I told her that she’d have to flush it a couple of times.

We left and all was fine but she has been a bit off with me since in our conversations. We had a good time and haven’t argued about anything else this is the only thing that there was an issue about. So it must be the toilet thing that she is cross about ?

Was I unreasonable??

You were being an absolute control freak. How insulting to suggest she couldn't be trusted to leave the loo in a decent state.

Yes, massively unreasonable, not to mention insulting!

What difference would it have made that she wanted to go upstairs?? Both toilets were already cleaned so it would have been the same issue whichever she used, so why would it bother you so much that she wanted to use the upstairs one??

Yabu.

We leave our air bnbs nice but I cannot imagine being so obsessed with my rating I policed another adults use of the toilet.

And also if you are going to insist on having the only bedroom with a proper bed then you also need to insist on paying more. (And I say that as someone with a disability meaning I need a proper bed and to be near the bathroom)

From what you've posted, yeah, my guess is she didn't like you telling her what to do. However, I also see your point- It's your account and keeping a good rating is important to you.

I think there will just be little snags now and then, in any friendship or other relationship. They're not always avoidable.

If she wants to back off from you just from this one small incident, or if it's an accumulation of things or something else entirely, I guess you could either ask her if everything is okay or just let her go without comment, if that's what she wants to do.

I think the majority of friendships don't have enough to them for both parties to want to keep them going forever. If you're the more fastidious type, perhaps you need friends who accept that.

You don’t sounds a lot of fun to go on holiday with:

I think you were being weird and very unreasonable: this would be my last holiday with you😊

You realise you're paying a cleaning fee as part of your booking. You're not going to have your rating ruined because you haven't cleaned the place.

I've stayed in numerous ABnBs and I've never cleaned before I've left. I'll strip the beds and dump the towels so they know what's been used. I've never had a single complaint

You're in proper CF territory splitting the bill like that

On the plus side I wouldn't worry because by the sound of it your friend won't be in a rush to go away with you again

Don't AirBnBs include a cleaning fee?

You know the disability benefits are meant to cover the extra costs associated with being disabled, for example, paying a larger share of accommodation costs on holiday when you are going to automatically take the best room.

I often shared an Airbnb which I booked on my account with friends and never had the urge to check the toilet after them.

thats really weird and comes across as if you think she’s a slob or you are a control freak. Would keep my distance too.

YABVU but you don’t seem to be listening. I doubt your friend will wish to go away with you anywhere again so don’t worry about it.

How controlling!You had no right to behave like this! That would be the end of you being a friend of mine.Utterly ridiculous.

You were completely out of order and frankly rude, your poor friend.

Yabu. Why would you scrub an airbnb? There is a cleaning charge included.
Tidy, yes.
can’t believe people wouldn’t clean the loo in an Airbnb - not even if you were on your period or had the shits??
Do you not flush once your done.

This. So weird. And why are you cleaning them, you pay for that. Just leave it clean and tidy, but no need to actually clean. And how disgusting are you and people you know if they can't use a toilet without leaving a mess? I don't even really understand this.

YABU, you are controlling and unpleasant.
You also got a good deal, your friend sounds lovely I hope she is offended enough to ditch you. She is better of without you.

It sounds like she’s let your OTT cleaning slide for a while and now this toilet incident has finally pushed her over the edge. You’ve been completely bonkers.

This is one of the strangest friend to friend relationships I've ever seen.

I'm almost expecting a drip freed that you're her mum.

YAB so extremely U.
That would be the last time I’d be going away with you.

Surely you wouldn’t leave ‘shit stains’ in a toilet for someone else to clean?

Of course people should leave the toilet clean. I've marked someone 3* for cleanliness because he left the toilet full of skid marks. But WHY did you assume your friend would leave the toilet dirty? Does she have form for it? She was offended that you suggested she would leave shit or blood in the toilet bowl. Why did you assume she would?

Whether or not they choose to use a professional, there is always an absolutely massive cleaning fee. The expectation is to leave it tidy, not properly clean everything! OP you are the only person I’ve ever heard doing this.

also YABVU both about not saying to pay less for sofa bed (I don’t have a health condition but they are usually bloody uncomfortable!) and to tell her which toilet she could use.

Yes.

This is so weird. OP, you’re unanimously being told YWBU but you’re doubling down.

Is the real issue that you’d left a lingering smell and didn’t want her to notice? Or do your toilet visits make a terrible mess and you were projecting that onto your friend, thinking she’d do the same?

If she was going to use a toilet, why did it matter to you which one it was? And why did it matter enough that you had to belittle her like this?

Well then you owe your ex friend an apology and you also owe her money.
I'm actually thinking this is a reverse as no one could possibly be this entitled

There isn't always a cleaning fee at all. Some places charge one, but it's very much optional as a host to add a cleaning fee and many don't.