To think my friend overreacted? Air BNB situation

[userfriendly55]

The weekend before last my friend and I went to London to see a show and have a bit of a girly weekend, we do this quite often. I have an airbnb account, she doesn’t, so I usually book an airbnb (after consulting with her) and she pays me half.

I am quite fastidious with cleaning them as I don’t want to lose my rating, so we always make sure the place is spotless before we leave.

The place we stayed in was a 1 bedroom maisonette but spread over 2 floors. We agreed I would have the bedroom as I have a chronic health condition. She slept downstairs on the sofa bed. There was an upstairs bathroom and downstairs toilet. All happy with this when we booked.

We were getting ready to leave on the Sunday and we had all cleaned up. Literally about to go out the door. My friend said she needed to use the toilet before we left and went to go upstairs. I asked her why she was going upstairs, and she said the downstairs toilet wasn’t flushing properly, and she was on her period. I told her not to go upstairs because I had just checked/cleaned the bathroom upstairs and didn’t want to have to do it again. She got annoyed and we had a bit of a discussion before she conceded and used the downstairs toilet after I told her that she’d have to flush it a couple of times.

We left and all was fine but she has been a bit off with me since in our conversations. We had a good time and haven’t argued about anything else this is the only thing that there was an issue about. So it must be the toilet thing that she is cross about ?

Was I unreasonable??

YABVU although I’m wasting my time commenting really - we’re 13 pages in and you’ve still not read the room…

you were literally about to leave so yes it would have made a difference. To her! She may have wanted to do a poo without you hanging around the area to hear it. and I'm sure, given your fastidiousness, she would have ensured she had left the loo clean knowing you'd have probably gone it to check afterwards!

I'd be weirded out by a friend telling me what toilet I could use when I'd spent exactly the same money on the property as them...

If a woman posted on here that her husband banned her from using a certain toilet, we’d all be LTB. So definitely not great vibes for a mates ‘girlie weekend’.

Of course people would - WTF!!
Why on earth do you think they wouldn't? Do you seriously think you're the only person in the world able to clean a toilet @userfriendly55??? Bonkers!!!

You chose a one bedroom place then charged her the same as you even though she had to sleep on a sofa - shitty. Asking her if she minded also put her in a shitty position, maybe (clearly) she’s a people pleaser and didn’t want to argue about it so just agreed. You could’ve said “hey friend, because I’m taking the one and only bedroom I’ll cover 60-75% of the cost to make up for it” but you didn’t.

You then put her in the awkward position of having to try and explain why she wanted to use a specific bathroom, like she was a child incapable of cleaning up after herself.

I hope her being off with you turns into her ditching you completely, she can find better friends.

Policing where she went to the toilet?

Way OTT OP.

And you steamrollered through her privacy and dignity. How humiliating for her to have to explain what toilet she was using.

You sound like a total control freak.

Actually, is this a reverse?

I don't think you are being that unreasonable! I bet lots of people saying you are, have also been annoyed with children or husbands using a toilet straight after they had cleaned it! It's quite irritating.

I assume you pretty much stuck to using the upstairs loo and she used the downstairs loo during your trip (except maybe when she used the shower/bath). So it was kind of your loo that you felt responsible for?

It also seems a bit of a fuss over nothing.

You seem to care more about your ‘air b&b rating’ than your friend’s dignity!

You’re coming across as a bit overly anxious about the Airbnb rating, OP.

If you’re getting so stressed that you feel the need to tell your friend which bathroom she’s allowed to use, it might be time to take a step back and ask whether the anxiety is starting to affect how you treat people.

It’s totally fine to be a bit of a worrier - lots of us are - but there’s a line where that turns into controlling or hurtful behaviour. When that happens, it’s important to own it and apologise.

Your friend sounds generous to a fault, taking the sofa bed and still paying half. Maybe take a moment to appreciate that and make sure she feels just as respected in return.

But the Airbnb rating isn’t going to distinguish between the loos!

This sounds completely mad to me. I’ve used Airbnbs in multiple countries, solo and with family and friends, many, many times down the years, and have left them basically tidy, with the rubbish/recycling disposed off, the linen, towels etc left wherever specified, and any special requests complied with. I have never scrubbed a toilet or done more cleaning than a quick wipe of surfaces. My guest rating remains 5 star.

She paid half to sleep on the sofa. Fuck that

I just meant that she would have felt in her mind that was 'her' toilet and she had cleaned up after herself, and was irritated at someone using it right after she cleaned it.

I'd forgotten about the AirBnB rating element to be honest. I've never stayed in one.

Yes, OP's morals and values are all wrong. She puts materialism and some stupid air b&b 'rating' over friendship. You can't take your stupid rating with you when you die, OP. You're going to end alone and friendless in your silly little b&bs if you don't buck up, grow up and get your priorities straight. OP is not only a bad friend, she's a thief. She forced her friend to pay half when her friend didn't even have a bed (oh OP has a 'chronic health condition' yeah, right - which doesn't seem to interfere with her travelling everywhere, to the extent she as A rating!!!) to sleep in! OP needs to pay her friend back half of what her friend paid. So OP should pay 3/4 and friend 1/4. Or, at least, OP pays 2/3 and friend 1/3.

OP get your priorities right. Get therapy as you're clearly deeply unwell. Apologise to your friend for overreacting to her and treating her like literal shit. Refund her. And get your priorities straight. You seem like the shallow person who 'knows the cost (or rating) of everything and the value of nothing'.

what the hell do you do on your period that warrants a whole toilet clean?
pull tampon 1 out and wave it around like a lasso a few times before replacing?
Do you clean your loo at home every single time you change tampons/pads?

I can't imagine what sort of mess you make that needs so much cleaning, surely at most any excess blood that comes out falls into the loo and is flushed away anyway?

by the way, I really hope that "flush a few times" doesn't mean "to make sure the tampon is flushed away" - you know they aren't supposed to be flushed at all, right? If I was the air bnb owner I'd be far more pissed off at a ££££ bill for clearing the pipes due to idiots flushing san pro than an unscrubbed toilet bowl.

but, yabu and I wouldn't go away with you again if I was your friend. Hope your gold star air bnb rating is worth the loss of a friendship...

Maybe she didn’t want to go to the toilet whilst you were listening plus hers wasn’t flushing.
Unless she’s some kind of pig I am sure she’s capable of leaving the toilet acceptably. You were weird not her!

IME of Airbnb, they all charge a cleaning fee. The difference is in whether they use professional cleaners or do it themselves.

Bit cheeky of you, I’d be annoyed if someone dictated my toilet needs.

I understand given your health condition it is something you give more attention to than most people, but I think unreasonable to a friend.

Your main unreasonableness is helping to price key workers out of property in London by using such a property instead of a hotel.

Do you not think your friend can be trusted to use a toilet properly? 🤣

You're a shit friend
HTH

Do you have OCD? Sounds like it. I have, mildly, and know how it can impact people around me - particularly those I live with. You should apologise to your friend as it wasn’t a reasonable reaction.

Omfg always trying to diagnose someone with a mental illness.

OCD is repetitive habits. This is just OP being a simp and wanting to get a good "rating".

OCD is also about obsessive cleaning.
Chill.

I have a friend who is similarly concerned about cleaning the air BNB for good ratings. Being honest I have decided not to go away with them again. It just made me feel very on edge.

I would have been so annoyed with you thinking you had a say in what toilet I used. Controlling and unreasonable.