To think my friend overreacted? Air BNB situation

[userfriendly55]

The weekend before last my friend and I went to London to see a show and have a bit of a girly weekend, we do this quite often. I have an airbnb account, she doesn’t, so I usually book an airbnb (after consulting with her) and she pays me half.

I am quite fastidious with cleaning them as I don’t want to lose my rating, so we always make sure the place is spotless before we leave.

The place we stayed in was a 1 bedroom maisonette but spread over 2 floors. We agreed I would have the bedroom as I have a chronic health condition. She slept downstairs on the sofa bed. There was an upstairs bathroom and downstairs toilet. All happy with this when we booked.

We were getting ready to leave on the Sunday and we had all cleaned up. Literally about to go out the door. My friend said she needed to use the toilet before we left and went to go upstairs. I asked her why she was going upstairs, and she said the downstairs toilet wasn’t flushing properly, and she was on her period. I told her not to go upstairs because I had just checked/cleaned the bathroom upstairs and didn’t want to have to do it again. She got annoyed and we had a bit of a discussion before she conceded and used the downstairs toilet after I told her that she’d have to flush it a couple of times.

We left and all was fine but she has been a bit off with me since in our conversations. We had a good time and haven’t argued about anything else this is the only thing that there was an issue about. So it must be the toilet thing that she is cross about ?

Was I unreasonable??

But the rating is a complete red herring. Whichever toilet was used, it would be the same risk of getting dirty again.

What a weirdo.

Are you her mum and she six years old? 🙄

Insulting behaviour.

Yes. Also get enough bedrooms next time.

She should have peed/bled in the sink just to make a point. Utter batshit. The day someone told me they didn't trust me to leave the toilet clean would have been the last trip I took with them!

You weren't being unreasonable. You'd alrteady done your upstairs clean/check so no issue her going downstairs.

So you think the friend couldn’t be trusted to leave the upstairs toilet clean after using it for a final time?

The OP said it was all cleaned and they were ready to go. So, both toilets had been cleaned and both were at equal risk of being made messy (the level of this risk is debatable but it is equal for the two toilets).

Very unreasonable. Why did you assume she wouldn’t clean up after herself ? I’d be ‘off’ with you too.

And the Risk is zero, as I'm sure OP's friend is able to clean up after herself.

You can’t charge her the same as you if she’s not getting a proper bed.

I have rejected countless cottages because the owners think some people will sleep on a sofa bed as an adequate substitution. It’s not.

I hope your friends wises up and stops funding your stays.

You and your friend paid equally but you're entitled to the best of everything because of a health condition. You're in charge because "it's MY account". Your controlling behaviour is justified because you like to be fastidious about cleaning.

Your friend is probably sick of you trying to enforce this weird power dynamic and I bet she's got countless other examples of it. People don't want to be brow beaten into submission by control freaks, I'd be ignoring you as well.

Omit the thought of a kettle in a villa etc being near a toilet makes me shudder. It’s things like this that makes me take my own small coffee machine. 🤣🤣

YANBU. Why would she want to use the upstairs loo after you'd just cleaned it? Seems bonkers. I suspect she couldn't be bothered cleaning up after herself!

Both toilets had been cleaned. She’d be cleaning after herself regardless. You join the OP in being unreasonable due to your inability to read the first post.

I wonder if OP made friend do all the cleaning downstairs and told her she had done upstairs but hadn't and was about to be caught out ?

YABU

You were being controlling and rude and tbh I would be distancing myself from you. Your behaviour was not OK.

But the downstairs loo had been cleaned too?

This was OP just asserting her authority that the upstairs was her domain only, because she slept in the only ‘proper bed’.

I don’t disagree - just pointing out that it is a red herring and any discussions about the friend cleaning up after herself having no bearing in the OP being unreasonable.

OP, you get that AirBnB won’t give you a separate top rating because the platform somehow understands that you only used the upstairs bedroom and loo, right?

As a friend who was taking the only bedroom and upstairs bathroom, assuming my friend was ok with this arrangement before booking, I would have offered to pay more than 50% of the cost. I imagine your friend would have welcomed this offer should you have made it, but because you mention your health condition she possibly didn't feel comfortable suggesting it, nor suggesting somewhere different.
Maybe she is a very kind understanding friend and wasn't bothered with the arrangements, but to tell her not to use the upstairs toilet is odd. It is a shared rental for you both, your friend paid the same, yet you didn't think she should use a certain bathroom not even once.
Do you know your friend so little that you think she would leave a toilet in such a mess that you would have got a negative Air BnB review?, I assume she hadn't left the downstairs toilet looking like a crime scene whilst there, so why can't she use any toilet just before you leave?.

I think you sounded petty tbh and yes, unreasonable.

I wouldn't have taken kindly to being told which loo I could and couldn't use in an airb&b I had paid for. You were implying to her that she couldn't be trusted to leave it clean. Not on.

You say you would have agreed to paying a greater share had she brought up the room allocation. If that's the case, why didn't you offer unmpromted? That would have been the decent thing to do. Unless, of course, you take it in turns to choose the best room - which sounds unlikely.

On balance, you sound like my eldest sister when she was in her late teens/early twenties. She's better now, so there is hope!

Very unreasonable and I’m questioning if this is genuine.
you sound obsessive and controlling. I would be really upset if you were my friend. You don’t need to deep clean the toilet each time and should trust that she’d leave it tidy.

YABU. You took the only bed and the only proper bathroom and thought you could boss her into using the small loo with you standing outside the door shouting “make sure you scrub the bowl” at her rather than getting away from you for a minute while she sorts herself out. If I have a choice I always use the largest and most private bathroom available to me. You seem to have mistaken her generously allowing you to have the only bed with you being in charge. You aren’t in charge, she paid £120 for that bathroom just as much as you did and she wanted to use it. My money is on the small loo (with the broken flush that she knew about) was near the main door and you were rudely hanging about outside it and she wanted more privacy than you would give her. It also gave her about 3 minutes of peace from you. If she was going to have a massive shit on the floor the review isn’t going to say “5* guest! Massive shit on floor but it wasn’t the nice bathroom that the bossy one was using so wasn’t a problem at all!”

The loo should be left clean whenever it is used and should not need a special clean at the end of the holiday! You were insulting to suggest she’d leave it dirty.