To think my friend overreacted? Air BNB situation

[userfriendly55]

The weekend before last my friend and I went to London to see a show and have a bit of a girly weekend, we do this quite often. I have an airbnb account, she doesn’t, so I usually book an airbnb (after consulting with her) and she pays me half.

I am quite fastidious with cleaning them as I don’t want to lose my rating, so we always make sure the place is spotless before we leave.

The place we stayed in was a 1 bedroom maisonette but spread over 2 floors. We agreed I would have the bedroom as I have a chronic health condition. She slept downstairs on the sofa bed. There was an upstairs bathroom and downstairs toilet. All happy with this when we booked.

We were getting ready to leave on the Sunday and we had all cleaned up. Literally about to go out the door. My friend said she needed to use the toilet before we left and went to go upstairs. I asked her why she was going upstairs, and she said the downstairs toilet wasn’t flushing properly, and she was on her period. I told her not to go upstairs because I had just checked/cleaned the bathroom upstairs and didn’t want to have to do it again. She got annoyed and we had a bit of a discussion before she conceded and used the downstairs toilet after I told her that she’d have to flush it a couple of times.

We left and all was fine but she has been a bit off with me since in our conversations. We had a good time and haven’t argued about anything else this is the only thing that there was an issue about. So it must be the toilet thing that she is cross about ?

Was I unreasonable??

Yes. I wouldn’t make a fuss about it but I’d be prickly if my friend interfered in the bathroom I wanted to use, especially if I was on my period. I would also expect my friends to trust that I can use a bathroom and leave it clean behind me.

You are right the op did bully her friend

I would be annoyed if I was your friend, you are implying that she may leave the toilet in an unfit standard.

I am meticulous for cleaning up after myself and always ensure that a place is clean and tidy after staying there. To imply that I am not capable of ensuring a toilet is clean would be rather insulting.

Your logic actually makes no sense, you wanted your friend to go to a toilet that didn't flush properly when she was on her period, what would you have done if the toilet hadn't flushed after numerous attempts? Makes sense to go to a toilet that flushes properly.

Even under your logic, I can't see the point. She either leaves the toilet in a mess or she doesn't (and I am sure she didn't). What does it matter whether it was the upstairs one or not? What difference will it make to your rating?

If a toilet’s just been cleaned and you use it once before you leave, you don’t need to clean it again, other than a quick brush. How would the Airbnb know whether it’s been perfectly cleaned again? Sanitary products should be binned rather than flushed anyway. No wonder the toilet was blocked.

If I were your friend, I’d find what you did very uptight, controlling and humiliating. Are you often this uptight about cleaning and your bookings? You may have booked it, but she paid half, presumably to have a relaxing break, not to be told what toilet to use and why.

I suggest you apologise to her and acknowledge you need to be more relaxed and respectful to her.

Oh! Maybe it's the poo troll 💩 🧌

Really unreasonable. She paid for half the place, she can use whatever toilet she wants to. It was controlling of you.

YABU. Maybe she wanted a bit of privacy, you can’t tell an adult which bathroom to use in a shared air bnb. Also do you always split the cost straight down the line and do you always get the best room? That would annoy me.

Embarrassed for you!

A decent friend would offer to pay more when they requested the better room with en-suite. Why ask a question if you don’t want to listen to the responses or are you trolling? This whole post is weird.

If it was true that neither toilet flushed properly you would have said that in your op. You didn't, but decided to mention it when posters said you were unreasonable dictating which toilet your friend could use (as though you actually get to decide that!) A nice friend would have asked for the bedroom with en-suite apologetically and said they'll pay a bit more of the cost to be fair to the other guest, but you didn't offer that so she paid the same as you. That's wasn't nice of you either.

If I were your friend I'd be rethinking staying with you again. You've embarrassed her and treated her like a grimy child or total slob. How insulting of you. And that you can't see how poor your behaviour is is quite shameful. It's been pointed out to you just why you're unreasonable and you refuse to see it. Why ask for alternative viewpoints if you're just going to dismiss what people are saying?!

You absolutely owe your friend an apology, you've been so out of line.

I'm guessing she was wanting some privacy. This wasn't your call to make, she's not a child. This is very controlling behaviour and far from acceptable.

Why do you care so much about your air bnb rating? Seems a bit obsessive.

In answer to your question, you were very unreasonable and should apologise.

Yes.

This. I would have been really genuinely upset if I was your friend.

You have implied I am not capable of going to the toilet without making a huge old mess as if I have zero manners and have dictated where I can use the facilities that I paid half for and I didnt even get to sleep in a bed! Thats not very nice of you at all.

I stay in a lot of air bnbs, have a great rating, have never cleaned a toilet. Obviously I’d flush it/get rid of skids or anything like that, same as I would for any toilet, but I’m not getting in there with bleach and loo brush- that’s what the cleaning fee is for.

Also unless you communicate to the air bnb that you’ve cleaned it, how would they even know? They’ll be cleaning it themselves either way.

YABU and quite weird.

So why did you make her use a particular one?

Yabu obviously.

Gosh. Yes I would have found your insinuation that I couldn't be trusted to leave the toilet clean insulting.

You were absolutely unreasonable and rude. Your poor friend! I get that you like to leave the place clean, but my god they don't expect it to be eat-your-dinner-off-the-pan spotless!

She was going to use a toilet so it doesn't matter which one as she would leave it in the same presumably clean condition either way. Very unreasonable to tell a friend which toilet to use. Likely she wanted to do a shit and preferred more private location.

You were rude and controlling. I would also be pissed off.

omg, yes, you're unreasonable. You told your friend she couldn't use the bathroom and bullied her into doing what you wanted. She was probably mortified after having to explain why she was doing it to you but you kept on pushing.
Seriously, you need to take a good look at your behaviour or you won't have any friends.

Yes. It sounds like no fun. Just get a hotel.

Don’t most hosts charge a cleaning fee? I use air BnB regularly, have a good rating and I’ve literally NEVER cleaned. I don’t hire accommodation and pay for it to clean it. I can’t think why you’re doing this. I put away our rubbish, won’t leave muck on surfaces etc but that’s it. I’ve certainly never cleaned a bathroom. Stop wasting you’re own time and imposing strange rules on friends or you won’t have any one wanting to travel with you

I told her not to go upstairs because I had just checked/cleaned the bathroom upstairs and didn’t want to have to do it again. She got annoyed and we had a bit of a discussion before she conceded and used the downstairs toilet after I told her that she’d have to flush it a couple of times.

She is probably annoyed with herself for 'conceding' to your ridiculous demands. When someone does something so unbelievably rude/inconsiderate to you, you can second guess yourself. She has probably realised that you were very wrong and she was being perfectly reasonable and now can't see you in the same way. I am sure you have lots of other friends to bully go away with though, so all will be fine.