To think my friend overreacted? Air BNB situation

[userfriendly55]

The weekend before last my friend and I went to London to see a show and have a bit of a girly weekend, we do this quite often. I have an airbnb account, she doesn’t, so I usually book an airbnb (after consulting with her) and she pays me half.

I am quite fastidious with cleaning them as I don’t want to lose my rating, so we always make sure the place is spotless before we leave.

The place we stayed in was a 1 bedroom maisonette but spread over 2 floors. We agreed I would have the bedroom as I have a chronic health condition. She slept downstairs on the sofa bed. There was an upstairs bathroom and downstairs toilet. All happy with this when we booked.

We were getting ready to leave on the Sunday and we had all cleaned up. Literally about to go out the door. My friend said she needed to use the toilet before we left and went to go upstairs. I asked her why she was going upstairs, and she said the downstairs toilet wasn’t flushing properly, and she was on her period. I told her not to go upstairs because I had just checked/cleaned the bathroom upstairs and didn’t want to have to do it again. She got annoyed and we had a bit of a discussion before she conceded and used the downstairs toilet after I told her that she’d have to flush it a couple of times.

We left and all was fine but she has been a bit off with me since in our conversations. We had a good time and haven’t argued about anything else this is the only thing that there was an issue about. So it must be the toilet thing that she is cross about ?

Was I unreasonable??

You seem very controlling. Sorry but you both paid half, what gives you the right over her to have control of the place? A toilet is meant to be used, it’s wild you’d even consider telling someone they cannot use the toilet.

i would also look into getting yourself mentally diagnosed with ocd or something because cleaning somewhere to be ‘spotless’ to the point of not allowing someone to use the toilet is wild

This. Policing the use of the bathroom would have been the last straw.

How is it ok to split the Airbnb cost 50/50 when there's only one bedroom?

I wouldn't even get just one bedroom when there's two people needing a bed, unless I was offering to sleep on the sofa myself.

Yes, you were being a weirdo. Imagine telling another paying adult which bathroom to use in a house? For God's Sake, no wonder she's been off a while now.

Most airbnbs don't charge cleaning fees and don't expect this kind of cleaning, nor are they as expensive as a hotel. Mine is 5* rated, 20% less than the cheapest hotel and is self contained with a kitchenette. I rate people down on cleanliness if they leave food debris around, toothpaste crud in the sink or skid marks in the toilet, or if they have been generally gross/grotty like leaving crumbs all over the sofa, food stains on the sofa cover, and even once ketchup on the curtain (???) but general tidiness is all that most hosts ask for. I don't expect anyone to strip the bed or empty the bins and certainly not to hoover or dust! Some people do but they are not asked to.

If everything you have written in your entitled post is indictitive of your behavior in general then I would imagine that the toilet incident was possibly the last straw for your friend.

You might find period of self reflection a useful exercise.

No, it's optional. Most places don't.

Weird. Never used Airbnb and am constantly amazed at all the threads here about having to clean before you leave AND paying a cleaning fee. I'd use a hotel rather than do that. And why do you the guest have to be concerned about reviews? I realise that if someone was having wild parties, selling drugs etc then other owners might want to know, but otherwise? What a bonkers setup, especially given that every man and his fecking dog is an Airbnb grabbing landlord, with all that entails.

I’d love to use hotels, but my autistic son is really really noisy and it’s stressful getting constant side eye from other guests. We also need kitchen equipment to cook his very limited safe foods. So air bnb it is, usually. We always leave it tidy and respectable but don’t actually clean, and never had any issue with reviews.

It's really not like that. Guests aren't expected to clean, just not to leave the place as a shithole. As a guest you care about your rating as hosts can decline to rent to you if you get a bad review. It works both ways for hosts and guests. Professional hosts don't rate people down unless they are genuinely unpleasant guests to host.

YABU but based on your responses it seems no matter how many people tell you, you will never consider this the case.

you can get a clean quiet twin room with breakfast for £120

why are you paying so much AND cleaning but with no breakfast?

YABU. How have they overreacted? You were rude, entitled and unpleasant. All they’ve done is be a bit off with you in conversation and you’ve started a mumsnet thread about them.

Glad I'm not your friend.

Yes, treating her like a little kid who doesn’t know how to clean up after herself. You are not going to loose your air bnb rating because she had been to the toilet. What did you think she was going to do in there??

And yet you didn't say this to your friend, you told her she couldn't use the upstairs toilet as you didn't want to clean it again.

I would apologise to her if I were you, else she might not want to go away with you again.

Maybe she wanted to check that you hadn’t left the toilet covered in shit

Wouldn't you trust your friend to ensure it was clean before she left? Being on your period doesn't necessarily mean you are bleeding all over the seat.

I run an Airbnb and I do not charge a cleaning fee. It’s worked in to the overall cost. But no matter how ‘spotless’ a guest leaves it the place gets cleaned, as germs are invisible.
If a friend suggested to me I didn’t know how to leave a toilet clean then I wouldn’t ever put myself in that position again - in other words no more joint trips, and I’d think that she obviously considers me unhygienic and it would taint our friendship.
Plus, as pointed out, if you thought her using either toilet meant you had to clean it again (as your friend is incapable of doing it to your standards), what does it matter which toilet she used? Just because it’s your account you don’t get to dictate what someone, who is paying half, gets to do or where they get to do it.

Yes you were! Not only on this either. She shouldn’t really have to pay half as she had the sofa bed which you know is not the same as having a bed

Yes I think you were unreasonable. I think you owe your friend an apology and hope that she accepts it.

Next time you should get accommodation with 2 en-suites, or you should be paying more than 50%.

God yes you were unreasonable.

Blimey! Who made you the toilet police? Hugely unreasonable. And fancy embarrassing your friend into having to say why she wanted to use the other bathroom. How can you not see how weird and unreasonable you were being OP? You need to humbly apologise to her and mean it.

And I am speaking as someone who like you has used Airbnb a lot and I fiercely guard my excellent ratings. I would NEVER have done what you did.

Reading it out I think it sounds unreasonable but I also know I’m the exact same when it comes to my Airbnb rating. We’d get on well I think, OP 🫣

I knew from reading the OP that this was going to be one one those OP: AIBU? Majority of MN: Yes. OP: No I'm not, threads.

Your friend didn't overreact, you way way overreacted, and it sounds like you could really do with some intensive mental health therapy if your OCD is really this out of control it is causing you to even control which toilet you friend goes to. Your poor friend. Apologise to her, and please reach out to a therapist, you don't sound well.