Not to spectate while Husband runs the London Marathon

[SaveAHorseRideAHighlander]

I'll keep it as short and sweet as possible -
We are going to London for the weekend as DH is running the London Marathon, just the two of us going without the kids. Have a hotel booked near the start line on the first night, then another hotel near the finish on the second night.

My plan is to walk down to the start with him, wave him off, then take the luggage across to the second hotel (early check in arranged), drop the bag off, then have a lovely little wander by myself, get a nice pastry and coffee etc. I'd then meet him at the bottom corner of St James park when he finishes.
My friend thinks I'm being unreasonable for not picking a spot along the way/making my way direct to the end and waiting for him to pass by.
My thoughts are, he'll be busy concentrating on running, he's not overly emotional so I don't think he'll care (he's agreed to the plan!), and apart from when he's running we'll be spending a lovely weekend together.

So hit me, am I being unreasonable?

I think if the genders were reversed you’d be getting a hard time. And the atmosphere is incredible - you’ll be missing out.

OP I'm with you. I happened to be in Paris for their marathon last weekend. Spent 2,5 hours near a boulevard they were running on, was amazed at the stream of runners not stopping all that time, but also a bit taken aback at how miserable most of them looked.

There were plenty of people admiring them and I imagine at some level the runners appreciated it. But whether or not one more person stands there to wave and yell as people run past looking glassy-eyed makes no difference. Do what you like with your day in London.

Maybe think about what you’re saying here.

Stick with the coffee and a bun.

Your plan sounds fine to me.

What's the point in watching him run? You might not even see him if he's in a group or on the other side of the road.

Enjoy yourself - you're already supporting him by going to London with him and shuffling the luggage from one hotel to another.

Imagine you go to a half way point and he doesn’t even notice you or you can’t see him because he’s in a big crowd. I think start and end is fine with a few hours in between.

I’m a running widow and mostly don’t see the point of it all.

But I did watch my DH run the London marathon because it’s a bit special. You can track them on the app and be in the right place at the right time so I saw him (and he saw me) a couple of times during the race and met him at the end. It’s a great atmosphere and still time for a coffee.

I think the plan sounds fine, unless he'd like you somewhere en route. Miles 22-26 tend to be the hardest and support can lift you through. It's a gamble though because you might not see him at that point, it can get pretty busy. And as such there'll be plenty of support there anyway.

I’ve watched friends and relatives in the past. I enjoyed the first one (but then I hadn’t watched many others). After that I did it because the runner wanted me to. Needed research to find where I’d be likely to be able to see, then getting there early (which you may not be able to do if you’re moving the luggage) and staking my spot (then hopping around on one foot as I desperately wanted the loo but didn’t dare give up my space!). On most occasions I got a few poorly framed photos, which the runners tended to like. On one occasion I missed them entirely, not sure how or why. It was always a bit of a pain. One I was happy to endure for them but not one I would do for myself.

If your DH doesn’t care, and you have no particular desire to watch, coffee and pastry sounds far preferable to me. Your friend is projecting.

My DH and I have both done long distance sporting events (trail races, marathons, halfs and IM between us) - we both like to make a weekend of stuff, but we only spectate for the less busy events where we know we'll be able to spot each other and get to and from the spectating spots quickly. Hanging around for hours on your own isn't much fun.

It's nice if he pops up on course at some point, but only if I know he's having a good time. I'd only feel guilty and worried about him not enjoying himself otherwise!

How much luggage is needed for an extended jog, just an extra pair of pundies presumably?

I think it is a good plan, and most importantly, you have both agreed to it. No loud waving and making yourself look silly.

Good luck to your DH, and if it is acceptable on MN to declare it and he is running for charity, let us know which one.

Previously ran a marathon, and it’s such a boost seeing loved ones cheering you on, and waiting for you at the end with all the snacks. By all means move the hotels, because he’s not going to want to do that, but I’d definitely cheer him on along the way. London is a special one.
There’s not much you can do at the start from memory, I think it was all penned in and runners only.
All that said, what does DH want from you?

When I ran it, it was a very exciting experience, lots of emotion. But if he's an experienced runner he may not care so much. It was a one-time thing for me 😆

I’d find it boring standing there waiting for the four seconds it takes him to pass. I would do exactly what you are doing.

I'm a runner and say YANBU!!
The crowds are insane! Moving from one place to another along the route is hellish, on foot or on the tube.
I've done it 4 times and DH has been to watch twice, but I wouldn't care if he didnt come to watch, again (if I do it again)
I meet with running club friends and look out for lots of club mates but I don't think I'd enjoy spectating on my own

I love going to watch the marathon and do it most years, even if I don't know anyone running.

Also, a quiet walk and a coffee will be very difficult on marathon day. London will be heaving.

I ran my first half marathon last month. I spun out over the idea of being watched running by people who knew me. My boyfriend didn't even ask if I wanted him to cheer me along the route. Friends who came out thought they were being supportive, but it tore me up a little every time I saw one. It didn't motivate me in the slightest.

I've watched 3 close friends run the London marathon through the last 25 years. One wanted me there. The other two didn't mind either way. The marathon atmosphere is not where I'm at tbh. I'd have rather spent the time enjoying London proper than waiting for friends to run past me. And celebrating with them at the end.

So only you and your DH can make this decision. What does he want? What do you want? We're all different. You do what works best for you as a couple. It doesn't matter what your friend thinks.

How long will it take him? If he's not super fast there are lots of places you can get to where the crowds will be thin and he would definitely see you. When I've watched London, I've managed to see people 3/4 or five times. Can you not track him and see him at least once on the course?

I love watching the London Marathon! Like some PPs have said, it’s so emotional and has an amazing atmosphere if you like people cheering and being openly positive (I do!)

Over the years, I’ve run it, my DH has run it twice, and various family members have done it too. We’ve always gone out to watch them - we really love the atmosphere.

We always went to mile 13, and when they’d passed up, heading across to mile 21 to catch them again on the way around.

It does feel quite special, especially as the slower runners come through.

Whatever you decide, make sure you know his race number and download the app to track him. Last year it was brilliant - pretty much real time, and gives you such a lot of info about where your runner is and what times they are doing.

I do a sport that has a lot of mass-participation time-trial type events. No one expects their relatives to watch on the course; we all accept that it's bloody boring to be stood in one spot for ages, trying to guess when your loved one will be coming through, especially when they probably won't see/hear you calling anyway.
Support at the start or end of the race, particularly of the practical kind, is pure gold though. Drinks, snacks, fresh kit, different shoes, all very much appreciated.

Tbh everywhere will be SO busy you’ll struggle with your nice coffee and pasty anyway I think. You might get a takeaway but everywhere in central will be rammed.

This was my experience as well. I think you might regret it

I think your plan is a sensible one, @SaveAHorseRideAHighlander.

I run marathons, and my DH is a fantastic supporter and makes a mission out of arranging to see me in as many places around the course as he can. Two years ago I ran London for the first time in many years and even just going to the entrance to the start area beforehand with me, then to a place the runners go past twice (he only managed to spot me once), then to the repatriation area was horribly stressful for him and I promised that if I got a place for London again I'd splash out on a nice hotel somewhere central and he could wave me off at the bedroom door in the morning, watch the TV coverage and follow me on the tracker, and make his way down to the repatriation area when it looked as if I was getting near the finish.

That’s very kind thank you.
i don’t know if it’s allowed on here so I won’t link anything. When he got confirmation that he had a spot he wasn’t running for charity (although he has in the past for the Snowdon marathons for our friend who sadly passed away from breast cancer). Since he got the spot this year, we recently got my son’s type 1 diagnosis, so he’s now unofficially running for the fantastic children’s ward that looked after our son.

I'm on your side op - enjoy your time and peace, it sounds like you and your DH support each other in a natural way and don't need to "demonstrate" it any further to prove anything to anyone.

As I said, there is a difference between first marathons and just another race. I've done the cheering on the masses thing and have been a marshal in the past. I've also dipped in to cheer my husband in earlier marathons and now.do what is convenient for the family and me and it's fine. The overly emotive posts will not be coming from seasoned runners+spouses, it's not that big a deal for some and unless they are schlepping round in 5 hours it can actually be tricky to catch them! 😆

Enjoy your weekend, you deserve it, and enjoy supporting your husband in the way you know best. x