To be upset at birthday presents from DP

[LeahS89]

I’ve been with my DP for c1.5 years, and have just had my birthday. For context, recently he has been really ‘in’ to me dressing up and whilst I do indulge this for him, I’ve said to him I’m not massive on it and wouldn’t ever want him to buy me anything specifically.

I gave him a few ideas for my birthday, hinting at some jewellery I really liked and some clothes - confirming my sizes etc.

All bar one present he gave me was lingerie/sets, some I’d never wear being crotchless etc- easily £150-200’s worth.

He said he thought I’d like it and in his words ‘he’d reap the rewards too’.

Am I being ungrateful or is this unreasonable given what I told him?

This op, he has been behaving himself, faking who he really is tbh to lull you in and is now trying to push your boundaries even though you've set them already.
The best thing to do is leave, he won't get any better just more manipulative.

If he can't return them then he needs to be the one wearing them.

Then ditch him. He's not listening to you, he's dismissive and belittling.

I'm guessing something begining with A.
Get rid of him op so you've met each others children that doesn't mean you've to put up with this joker for life.

Yuck. He hasn't thought about you at all.

If you are quite entwined I would be gently, politely, unentwining myself.

ok. So if the reason is ‘we’re part of each others DCs lives’ then this only gets worse doesn’t it? I’m happy that you’ve worked out who he is. So today is far better than tomorrow, as hard as it is, to cut ties before he gets even more involved in your dcs lives.

For anyone who has had a partner who has expressed an interest in something you are not keen on, do they tend to drop it permanently or do you think they’ll always want it again one day?

Yes for the A, but not just towards me…

You can’t return crotchless knickers 🤢🤮

@LeahS89

It's sad but far better to get out now before you're any further down the line, because you'll either end up being pressured into doing things you're uncomfortable with, or you'll refuse, he'll tell you it's ok, but then will find someone else to do them! That'll either mean an affair, or worse; then you could be on the receiving end of an STD rather than cheap nylon knicker induced thrush! 🤢

Seriously. Walk away. There are better men out there for you.

For me, this would be my time to exit stage left.

OP, I really cannot state this clearly enough. Know that I am trying not to shout.

RUN!

You have only been together 18 months and these are serious doubts to be having. So what that you are in each other's kids lives? It has only been 18 months and I assume that the DC weren't informed on day 1. People come in and out of kids lives all the time, whether it is a new friend or someone moving away, a favourite teacher/TA/nanny/babysitter, some people die. Kids cope with all of this so WHY ON EARTH is this man essnetial to your DC's ongoing future?

He has lulled you into a false sense of security about his personal preferences then "suddenly" become interested in racy lingerie and "more risque acts" when you feel invested. You said you'd have questioned the relationship had you known about his tastes from the start.

The fact that you are uncomfortable and he does not care is deeply unsettling, and potentially dangerous. You are having doubts because your subconcious is screaming at you that he is not a good person to have in your life.

He knew for months that he was going to get you to dress up like his cheap porno fantasy and in doing so, dismissed everything that you said about what you would like. He is treating you like an object ot wank over.

Please, listen to your instincts and end the relationship. If you stay, if you concede to his vision of you, if you allow him to push his preferences over your own boundaries, you will feel sick and uncomfortable and undermined every single day. Can you imagine how you'll feel in 3-5-10 years time, trussed up in itchy nylon knickers and dead behind the eyes as he slobbers over you, all becuase "we're in each other's kids' lives"? Please listen to the alarm bells. xxx

Jeeper's 🤯

He's not gonna give this up. He's tested you with the skanky undies & dress-up when he clearly has tastes that go far further.

So…you’ve got no choice but to peg him whilst dressed up in crotchless knickers, all because your kids have met each other?!?!

Not if OP doesn't fancy them, it doesn't.

We don’t live with each other yet which is good as it'll make breaking up with him easier

Fixed that for you @LeahS89

Yeah pegging would be a deal breaker for me too

"I also worry about our future compatibility sexually moving forward, he has drunkenly dropped hints at things he’d like to try and I don’t think I’m able to be that adventurous."

Big red flag that the two of you are sexually incompatible.

He's bringing up things you're uncomfortable with and he brought it up on your birthday by giving you something he knew you weren't into. If he wasn't a selfish prick he might drop it but I think the chances of this guy dropping it are very low. He's going to pester you to do sexual things you don't want to do and try to wear you down. That's not the behaviour of a loving partner. That's the behaviour of a user who doesn't really care about their partner's pleasure.

"We are part of each others DC’s life’s, which is where the challenge lies."

That's not really a challenge unless you think he can't be trusted to behave professionally if the two of you break up. Disentangle as much as you can.

Leah, raise your bar. You deserve better.
You can find a better role model for your children.

For anyone who cares about their partner's comfort, dignity and safety, yes they drop it. If you are truly not sexually compatible, they move on.

Everyone probably has something that they have done/will do for a partner because they want to please them and they get off on feeling desired by them. However, those things tend to not be boundary-crossing, i.e. wear those red shoes, dress up as a headmistress or a fireman once in a while, tell them they've been a naughty girl/boy/Christmas Elf/whatever they're into.

HOWEVER, no one who cares about their partner's enjoyment pressures them for acts that they are uncomfortable with, or continues to raise it when their partner has stated their discomfort.

That would be me OUT.

I have never felt the urge to fuck a man in the ass, G spot or no. I can't imagine a better way to put me off.

I'd be waving him off, slamming the door and high fiving myself for not putting up with that shit.

I swear if I ever split with DF I will be celibate for life.

Porn has ruined men for me. I'd rather get myself off for good than a man think he can choke me, expect anal or want to be pegged.

NOPE!

Don’t stay in a substandard relationship just because you’ve met each others children.

If he doesn't get it from you, he'll likely get it from someone else.

AND blame you for not giving it to him, to boot!

He wants you to peg him, then? I mean, there’s nothing wrong with him liking that, but you absolutely shouldn’t feel under pressure to do anything you don’t want to.

In answer to your previous question, no, his sexual interests aren’t just going to go away. You’re not sexually compatible.

Also, in addition to the fundamental incompatibility between you, he appears to approach it in a very insensitive and pushy way, which isn’t good. You’ve already worn lingerie for him, and told him that you’re not really into it, but he still bought you more of it, which is selfish of him and suggests he doesn’t really care what you like and whether you’re comfortable. That’s not a good basis for a happy sexual relationship.

He’ll be buying this shit and wearing it himself within a year. And asking you to be involved. Yuk.