To just want to be a housewife?

[CasketBase]

I don’t know what’s happened to me. Growing up as a teen I was very rebellious and independent, I wanted the world. Started working early, went to university, started working full time and studied in my spare time. My job prior to having a child was serious and I was working my way up. Then DC came and I went part time self employed and ever since I’ve had her, I don’t want that life at all. She is 3 and is part time in nursery whilst I work but originally I wanted to do well in my work but now I don’t care. All I want is to look after my daughter, clean my home, and spend my time cooking and gardening.
Is this normal?! I could t care less about a career or earning lots of money or anything. I live rurally and all I care about now is nature and ‘homliness’. I genuinely love ironing, hanging out the washing and making the beds. I have ADHD and these were jobs that used to paralyse me, but now I find comfort and calmness in them and it’s the work I can’t cope with. Is this a phase? Or is this something to do with becoming a parent? It’s bizarre, it’s like I’ve had a personality transplant.

I think it’s valid OP you have to do what makes you happy and obviously if you have support to do this, it helps with the dream.

I realise I can’t match the professional environment of the nursery and the range of activities, learning and development and socialisation. I thought as a professional woman who climbed the career ladder, that I would be enough to entertain my kid. Nope! At home with my best intentions, my kid doesn’t learn or have the range of learning and activities like they do at daycare.

This is another thing, I don’t care anymore about things. I don’t want a bigger house or fancy holidays or a nice car. I don’t care whatsoever. I just want to care for the life I have. I’m over this ‘hustle to buy more stuff’ lifestyle that seems to be becoming more prevalent?

It’s perfectly reasonable to WANT it. How you fund it is the key.

Not on taxpayers money.
Don’t make yourself 100% reliant on another person

If you can fund it though, fab!

Does the word
Homemaker
Have more positive connotations than housewife perhaps ?

What are people spending money on that they need 3 jobs?
I am a renter in a decent area and don't need even a fraction of that. I don't drive though.

Also nothing wrong with being a housewife. I have often thought that we ought to add more value those types of choices instead of only associating success to be imitating men. Work life balance is off, capitalism is nailing us.

If most of us wanted more, the lottery would never have taken off and people would only retire when they were in ill-health.

I think most people work for money. They'd spend their time differently if they could afford to.

And its shouldn't be hard to understand that we all find different things satisfying or dull. Its a bit dumb to sniff at what someone else finds interesting.

Yes I also changed after having kids and decided to do what's best for them. But while so many people here are saying best for their children is mum pottering in the garden and homebaked cookies every day after school, even if this means going without and living a more frugal life, I decided to offer them financial security instead. I've been poor. Do not recommend.

Personally I feel that it's best for my family if I use my earning potential to give them the best life, instead of staying home to do my own ironing. My cleaner's hourly rates are a lot lower than my own, and the toilet really doesn't care who scrubbed it.

Your feelings are very normal. You look at life differently when a child comes into it, because you are now considering someone else's needs and wellbeing.

Some of us still have the drive to work in that high flying career, some need the intellectual stimulation, some don't need that at all. Different strokes for different folks.

For what it's worth, I think you've got it cracked with the part time work and part time SAHP. But I'm biased cos that's what I do!

I know!!! I’m more interested in cleaning than in my daughter, my husband is leaving me, I’ve quit work and have no pension…O’ve even gained an extra child 😂 In reality, I’ve said repeatedly I want to ask about whether my change in perspective is normal, I’m not giving up my part time work at all, I have a pension and my marriage is grand but if he leaves me then of course I’ll step up to the plate and provide. It’s wild how far people can reach!

It’s interesting that so many feel the same way and sad too. A few people have said men want to give up work and ‘potter’ but I’m not sure if men do want to give up work to take on the domestic load, it’s not about reading books and lounging all day, it’s about the fact I seem to be attracted to cleaning and washing and so on which is what I was questioning, I’m not sure than men DO have the same desire to keep the house afloat domestically. I wish I could do it but I won’t due to safety reasons and the money is very handy!

Nor me. BIL always has the best of everything and is very quick to tell you what's "wrong" with whatever you have.

What he doesn't know is that MIL can't keep her mouth shut and we all know how much he earns and how much debt he's in for his image.

Snort. When you start cranking out a pop version of evolutionary biology, you’re in real trouble. And, for what it’s worth, hunter-gatherers were unlikely to be pottering around Sainsbury's and ironing and enjoying the lack of ‘pressure’. If they didn’t manage to get enough food, they starved, which is pretty much the ultimate pressure.

I have adhd and being SAHM is great for me, I am naturally very physical and restless and task oriented and love, in fact NEED time alone. I feel pretty great on it.

I stayed at home when mine were small, returned to work once they were all in school. For a few years I worked really hard, but now I just wish I was back at home all day, even though my children are grown up. Being a housewife, walking the dog, gardening and cooking, so less stressful than work, and all the office politics. I say do it.

Im living the dream in my own way and how i want it.
I have flat that looks like a hippies den but its homely and i love it i work the grave yard shifts and travel alot when ever i can roughly 6-8 times a year.
I have no debt i owe no one nothing what i have is mine outright if i cant buy it straight out i wont get it.
My bills are all up to date a month in advance.
I have no kids pets or a man.
I live cheap never been in to flashy expensive things or brands names.
Im free.

However it was not always like this took me a long time to get where i am and im proud it.

I think part time both is good because it does mean you have something for yourself, expressly as kids get older, and if I can keep it up I will, proving finances don’t change, otherwise full time will beckon. I know some people thinks it’s unfair on the full time partner but equally they don’t have to do any chores which makes their life easier. If I had to work full time my husband wouldn’t be able to relax in his downtime, so I think there is a trade off there!

It is fair on the FT partner, because they can focus more on work, they have less chores to fix there's less childcare to arrange/pay for.

DH always said he didn't want the "little wife at home" (which were my words when we met, to tell him I'd never be that). But actually he loves coming home on my days off (and I WFH too so on quiet work days I manage similar) to a happy wife and child with something nice cooking for dinner, the house being tidy etc. He's said if I don't want to go back full time in the future he wants to make that possible for us, because our weekends are our time instead of all the chores needing doing.

Obviously there's days he comes home and we've had a nightmare, she's been a piglet, he's lucky if there's toast for dinner etc. And he doesn't care. And if I want to go back full time he'd be supportive. But as it stands right now, I love the balance of my PT. Although I caveat that with the fact that I WFH in a fairly senior but low stress role with a pretty decent salary (and all the benefits/pension) so that takes some stress off too. Balance.

Do what works for you. There is no point you being stupidly stressed and having a chaotic, stressful home life just for a few extra quid if it makes no one happy.

I really empathise. I had just opened my own business was when I had dd which was my entire world before I had her.. however once she was here, I really resented not being able to stay at home and just be mummy. I felt guilty wherever I was.

Im now in my 50’s and haven’t worked for 15 years (apart from voluntary). Dh is a high earner and I don’t know if that’s the reason for my lack of ambition, but it’s just me. I plan dinners for family and friends and am looking forward to grandchildren one day! I totally understand you.

YANBU OP - it is a beautiful, joyful, calm and peaceful way of life 😊

Yes that all sounds relatable. And my husband always has his clothes washed, I iron which I never did before and wouldn’t do if I was working, he doesn’t have to do anything (although he does do stuff, he’s a decent guy, but he doesn’t have to as it’s mostly done) and that means his own time is his own.

And yes I think the lack of stress is the key factor, it’s like there’s no space in my brain left for work stress, it just feels so wasteful.

I'm so surprised at how many people are being so negative, who hurt you guys haha?! If anything changes, like you said, you will as well. Screw living in a space where you plan for the worst. Obviously have some back up but mostly, have a blast and enjoy where you are at! Haterz gon' hate.

I am also high performing ADHD and given the choice I would have chosen to stay home full time with my children but unfortunately financially that wasn’t an option. I was however lucky to be able to work part time but worked like a Trojan to ensure that my kids never missed out, but probably sacrificed a little too much of myself in the process.

Not being provocative here, but those who have been able to be full time SAHP’s are you supported by government benefits or inheritance cash or have inherited a house so no housing costs) that helps you do this?
Or does one partner earn enough to sustain a family and housing costs without any external support?

Me too OP but unfortunately I've always been a single mum so no choice in the matter. I've had to work. Luckily I'm retiring in 4 years and I can't wait. I have lots of plans. I'm done in quite frankly. Could you go part time?

That old chestnut. There aren't many people who can afford to run a reasonable sized house on their own working or not.

I've just seen that you do work part time. Trouble is most men can't be trusted to stay. 50% of marriages end in divorce and men resent being the bread winner. If this happens you are in trouble if you don't have an income. Sad but true.
My mother was a single mum, we lived on benefits and she spent most of her days in bed crying while we lived in poverty.
I'd rather work than bring a child up like that.

Dumb? May I not speak?
Actually not sniffing. The idea is in some ways, extremely attractive. Just very aware that all such dreams are impossible without a cash income. I’ve known communities trying to live more sustainably finding they needed to grow cash crops to pay the bills.
Someone has to pay the Council tax.
Someone has to pay the life insurance. That’s all.