To just want to be a housewife?

[CasketBase]

I don’t know what’s happened to me. Growing up as a teen I was very rebellious and independent, I wanted the world. Started working early, went to university, started working full time and studied in my spare time. My job prior to having a child was serious and I was working my way up. Then DC came and I went part time self employed and ever since I’ve had her, I don’t want that life at all. She is 3 and is part time in nursery whilst I work but originally I wanted to do well in my work but now I don’t care. All I want is to look after my daughter, clean my home, and spend my time cooking and gardening.
Is this normal?! I could t care less about a career or earning lots of money or anything. I live rurally and all I care about now is nature and ‘homliness’. I genuinely love ironing, hanging out the washing and making the beds. I have ADHD and these were jobs that used to paralyse me, but now I find comfort and calmness in them and it’s the work I can’t cope with. Is this a phase? Or is this something to do with becoming a parent? It’s bizarre, it’s like I’ve had a personality transplant.

You are totally normal. But do keep the door ajar on your career if you can.
x

Totally normal. Same thing happened to me.

You are allowed to love your daughter the way you want.

Just be sure you put enough security around your choice that wouldn’t affect her IF…

Thank you. X

My friend a high flyer before baby never went back. Started her own business which steadily grew. Had another baby. She too loves domesticity.

I had a big job before DDs. I loved it and went back to work after DD1. I found out I was expecting DD2 the day after I agreed a new contract 🤦🏼‍♀️ I missed DD1 all the time I was at work 😕 when DD2 arrived I decided to take a full year maternity leave. At the end of the year I knew that I couldn’t go back so decided to take a five year career break. At the end of the five years we were having such a lovely time, I decided to Home school. They’re 16 & 15 now. I’ve spent the time retraining to be self employed and loving the time with them. I have no regrets.

Well I don’t what to be a housewife , I just want to do the bids I like as cooking taking the kids to school , have chickens and read all day lol 😜 unfortunately hubby doesn’t earn enough , in fact I earn 3 x what he does so I will have to carry on working and trying to do all the above . But like you I was very good at my career , then I moved to the countryside had another child and suddenly I don’t care about my job , life is short , I want time with my kids and hubby , holidays , chickens and pets lol

"Just"?

I think you might be me. I had the big job and then had 2 kids and hated working FT. I’d love to stay at home. I hate myself for feeling this way but I totally get you OP

Oh absolutely. I can’t believe the hours I used to work and how much I used to care. My entire pregnancy was overshadowed by work. Then she came and ‘poof!’ I just stopped caring.

Personally, I think this is a really healthy attitude. I heard a saying recently that I really like: “In twenty years time the only people who will remember that you worked all those evenings and weekends are your children”.

Gosh, that’s a great quote. My daughter will likely be my only child due to health issues so I want to squeeze every moment i can really. But a lot of people on this thread have frightened me as well about security. It’s so hard

Yes, as in just do that and not work at all, rather than trying to do bits of both. Not just as in, oh it’s only home making and parenting. I’ve defended home making and stay at home parenting on this thread, I don’t see them as ‘just’ easy work. They’re both hard and have my respect (as does parenting and working), I simply meant just as in no more work. Badly worded on my part I think.

Don't let them frighten you.

Make sure you can support yourself and your daughter if you need to, and it sounds like you are being very sensible by running a business and doing your qualifications. But otherwise, do what feels right for you and your family.

I know what you mean - and I sometimes genuinely do wonder why, when a large chunk of the female population used to be housewives, they fought so hard for equality.

But then I remember that being a housewife in a marriage where your husband could legally rape you was probably a very different experience to the one those we’re envisaging.

Darling just go with the flow

Right? I am about as nurturing as Pol Pot yet am very much a woman thank you!

(In fact my brothers are all far more nurturing than I am both with providing care to older and younger family members.)

Ahĥh no not at all. Its lovely you have the choice etc. I always say that life sorts out :) I have a lovely child and pets and so life's pretty ok really.x

Thank you!

What utter claptrap

I dream of this but I need a salary and I want a future pension so no can!

Are SAHPs especially vulnerable in the event of a divorce, though? It seems to me that if your husband’s a high earner, you can do much better out of a divorce if you’re a SAHM than if you work. One of my colleagues had a SAHW for 10 years - he divorced her in 2020 and because she didn’t work he will be making monthly payments to her as part of their settlement till 2028, in addition to child maintenance and school fees for their son.

People often say SAHMs are vulnerable in the event of a divorce but I’m never entirely convinced. I look around me and see a lot of burnt out women trying to do it all at work and at home, with husbands who get to enjoy being relieved of the burden of being sole provider - and I do wonder who the real winners are!

My friend a SAHM got £3k a month, the house and car half of two pensions 20 years ago. They had one teenage child.

there really aren't that many 1% earner men around who can afford a generous spousal maintenance on top of all expenses paid. With your ex on 30K per year, you will certainly be better off if you can earn a salary yourself.

I think the divorce gap suggests that women end up poorer post divorce and this is moreso than if she did not work outside the home.

But’s thats a risk for those women to take.

(And any working woman who also tries to do all the domestic labour has lost her mind. I would leave my husband and gain more of my time back.)

I’m with you op. I would love to spend every day with my child, cooking lovely meals, getting outside x