Dating an older man I just don’t understand him?

[Backtoworktmrw]

I’m 30 dating someone 55 I have known him for a good 3 years and dated on and off. We are trying to make a proper go of it this time. He has begged and pleaded for me to be with him and give him a chance. He’s took me away on weekends away and really made me fall for him. I should probably say he has just been diagnosed with high blood pressure so may be I am expecting too much. I just spent the weekend with him he slept most of the weekend he wasn’t well. Now he has just gone cold with me barely texting or calling. I feel like I’m chasing after him!

AIBU? Do I just accept he isn’t well? I almost feel like he’s finally with me and now lost interest.

Don’t waste your life wondering what a man’s problem is, not at any age.

This is the best advice I've seen on MN. Agree completely.

My partner is old enough to be my father, age gap relationships can and do work. Having said that I don’t think this man sounds right for you, my partner is nearly 70 and is a lot fitter than the man you’re with.

Regardless of the age gap, he doesn’t seem that interested.

However if he is seriously wealthy as in millions and can give you a very good lifestyle then marry him ASAP
fuck the life out of him so he dies happy and be the Merry Widow 😂
then get a young boyfriend your own age

🤭🤭🤭😂😂😂😂😂😂

The age gap is too big for me personally but anyone can be unwell enough to spend the weekend in bed, no matter their age. It’s only Tuesday, that’s only one day after the weekend you spent together.

I'm sure this can be true, but my DP fathered our exceptionally beautiful little girl at the age of 53. And I know I'm her mother, but people do comment all the time on how gorgeous she is - sometimes I see them look and me and sort of double take, which is charming, and my dad was only 29! 🤣🤣

He might have been ill and it might be a one-off. But seriously, he is going to age a lot soon and is this what you really want?

Age issues aside - he sounds like a royal pain in the arse. I vote dump him

Me and my DP have the same age gap as you. He does have some physical health issues, mostly to do with easily putting out his back/neck/shoulder. Some days/weeks he is fine and others he struggles and is more limited in his mobility. However, I love him to bits and he is very aware of how the age gap can be hard on me. It doesn't sound like your partner has the same level of consideration for you? We do lots of walking when we can, and I have my own hobbies like the gym that mean I still feel as active as I want to be.

I think people focus on a larger age gap as the primary reason for two people being incompatible (which may often be true) but then might overlook all the other important things that make two people compatible/successful in a relationship such as attitudes, beliefs, lifestyles (although these can be more age-dependent), personality traits etc.

Perhaps you aren't as compatible with him (age gap aside) in other aspects like attitude to life / how you enjoy spending your time etc.?

Never stay with someone where you 'have to try to make a go of it' or who pressurises you into being with them. Just don't.

That is NOT the norm for a 50 something man. Does he not take care of his health?

Yes he has a job, but the health issues take it's toll. OP mentioned health issues similar to my DH, my DH health issues are quite severe versions.

Regardless of age gaps, high blood pressure shouldn’t be making him feel ill or causing him be to sleep all day. 55 is still quite young in that he should be able to enjoy a weekend away with restaurants, sightseeing, etc and just sleep a normal amount at night.

Ew. He could be your dad.

When you're 50 do you want to be with someone elderly? Honestly you've dithered about this relationship, you know it's not great otherwise you wouldn't have done that.

I'd jib this one off honestly.

Yes, age matters (and personally I never say it's 'just a number'). But did you actually read the post I was quoting, which has since been deleted by MNHQ? That poster seemed to think anyone over thirty was ancient and was being very insulting about older people. I'm sick of ageism being the only 'ism' that seems to get a pass all too often on here, and I'm glad that on this occasion it didn't.

Obviously not going well, move on with someone younger.

Sounds like he is wasting your time honestly. Reminds me of a bf I had when younger who constantly begged to be with me and the moment I gave in he was too busy to see me for 3 weeks. This happened multiple times and it was exhausting. I have never been able to properly understand it. Anyway, I'd keep your options open!

I had a long relationship with someone 18 years older than me. He was very dynamic and fun- it was a very happy relationship till he got dementia and died.

Pills to control high blood pressure can cause irectile dysfunction which may be a new thing for him, could also be why he felt so tired. Talk to him. Ask him

Hey op I know every situation is different, but there are reasons age relationships don’t work for one there is a huge imbalance of power, especially for the old one who can be more financially stable, et cetera

they’ve also seen more of Life and tend to be a little bit more controlling in my humble experience when I was 19. I went out with a man who was 38 and it was horrific. He was like your fella blowing hot and cold I was forever chasing after him, I wasted a huge portion of my youth that I will never get back.

just leave. He is looking for a carer.

Ick

move on. Find someone under 40

Hopefully he's got loadsa money!

He won't be 55 forever and he's only going to get worse. You are his arm candy and he's using you to make himself feel younger. He's also still wanting his own space because he's had the whole relationship experience before now, probably.

Go find a man in his early 40's/late 30's. You deserve better. You won't want to sleep with him when he's in his 60's wrinkly, impotent, and incompetent.

You've set a low bar for yourself