Dating an older man I just don’t understand him?

[Backtoworktmrw]

I’m 30 dating someone 55 I have known him for a good 3 years and dated on and off. We are trying to make a proper go of it this time. He has begged and pleaded for me to be with him and give him a chance. He’s took me away on weekends away and really made me fall for him. I should probably say he has just been diagnosed with high blood pressure so may be I am expecting too much. I just spent the weekend with him he slept most of the weekend he wasn’t well. Now he has just gone cold with me barely texting or calling. I feel like I’m chasing after him!

AIBU? Do I just accept he isn’t well? I almost feel like he’s finally with me and now lost interest.

And in The Times

Maternal age has no impact, apparently.

Google it!

There was 2014 study. Links above.

Oh totally. I just wasn’t ready to settle for saggy ear fronts at 28 😅

Not at all, there was a study published in 2014.

Genetic mutational load, hun.

This isn’t at all typical for a man in his 50s, though? I don’t know anyone in their 50s who has these issues, to be honest. The vast majority of 50-somethings are fit, active people with jobs and families and social lives and certainly don’t need daily support. The problems you describe could happen could happen to someone of any age. I’ve got mates in their 50s who run marathons and climb mountains.

If he slept all weekend, I'd assume that he is ill, however he is been blown hot and cold, is he worth it?

I am 6 years older than your "boyfriend". My husband has some health issues and is slowing down. He took early retirement. He is only 3 years older than me and I am grateful and hope that we have a long retirement together. We have had over 30 happy years together. I have been lucky with my health but the sad fact is that the older you get the more likely there are to be health problems, serious problems. I just can't see that this relationship will give you long term happiness. You are likely to be, as the saying goes, a nurse and a purse. I think he may be having second thoughts becsuse I am betting that he finds it increasingly hard to keep up with somebody your age. As a previous poster has said, youth is precious and you shouldn't waste it on this on/off relationship.

I am that generation, it’s too big an age gap. Age gap regardless he sounds like a chore.

Any man chasing a woman 25 years younger than himself and pressuring her constantly to be with him is the sort of creep I wouldn't want anywhere near my child.

Treat his current sulky bad behaviour as a lucky escape, block him, then delete his number. And very definitely don't deliberately give a child a father comfortably old enough to be his or her grandfather.

You're making some big assumptions! There are loads of other things to consider besides age. Being younger isn't always better and some people prefer maturity.

JHound said it, or words to that effect.

Let’s not be ridiculous. The average woman is grossed out at the thought of dating a man her father’s age and the average man would cream his pants at the thought of a much younger girlfriend.

Except I really didn’t.

It seems he just sees you as a trophy and doesn't actually love you. I've seen this in my friendship groups.
The older man and younger woman don't actually love each other. There is the trophy for the man and the money for the woman.
It's quite sad really.
A friend of mine married an older man just for his money but he didn't love her. He made her do stuff she didn't want to do sexually. She did it for him. Or she wouldn't get her hair and eyelashes done etc.
Nit saying that's your experience but only from what I have seen.

I bet he does have feelings for you, it's just the high blood pressure has got him worried as it's on top of the issues with his back (again!), noticing more hair falling out, that the pubes are going grey and he's exhausted from getting up to pee 5x a night and having to take off the cpap machine each time. Give the poor guy a break.

So you're looking into being in a serious relationship and have a child with an older man who is too tired to spend time with you and then ghosts you? Sounds attractive..not. also, at his age the risk goes up for having an autistic child. I've got one and I love him but it's bloody hard work.

JHound · Yesterday 20:43
There is no way on earth I would be chasing a much older man. He should be beyond thankful he got a much younger woman to look his way.

JHound · Yesterday 20:43
There is no way on earth I would be chasing a much older man. He should be beyond thankful he got a much younger woman to look his way.

Beyond thankful for the attention of a much younger woman! Why, though? What if the “much younger woman” has a terrible personality or is really boring?

I am walking in your shoes now. DH is only 7 years older than me, but he has had cancer and a stroke and is having memory issues and no longer drives.

I am finding that I have to advocate for him more and more as well.

I think you could become a carer very soon, I would throw this one back. I don’t think you would enjoy the next 20 years.

It sounds like you weren’t as keen as him to start with, he has love bombed you, and secured you in some way and now there is no chase, so he’s lost interest. I would say that due to his age, it was a confidence booster for him to bag a 30 year old (excuse the wording) to prove he’s “still got it”. Yuck!!!

This thread is full of assumptions that might be true or might not.

Age gap relationships can work well but they have pitfalls. As do many other relationships.

I wouldnt consider having a child with a 55 y/o man, but I'm fed up with hearing the idea that if you breed at an older age you'll have an autistic child or increase risk of genetic issues. Down syndrome is known to increase with maternal age but there are thousands of other conditions that have nothing to do with parental age. Stop spouting nonsense.

I have a child with a genetic disorder & every specialist we've seen says it's nothing to do with my being 42 when he was born. Its de novo, random, or sometimes hereditary. Pull your heads in people

I was in a similar situation OP and I’m so glad I ended it.

I was 28 and he was 48, he was good looking and charismatic and a lot of my friends fancied him. He loved to do the “hot and cold thing” by chasing me and drawing me in then going cold so I’d persue him again. I think it made him feel better knowing I was so keen on him and younger.

Eventually I had enough of his games and a few months later started seeing my DP who is the same age. That was nearly 12 years ago and I’m now 40 and my ex is 60.

I hadn’t seen him for a long time but bumped into him the other day, I didn’t recognise him until DP teased me about how good my “older man” looked. DP knew him as he briefly worked with him but I hadn’t seen him in over 10 years.

I got such a shock seeing him, he looked like an old man and the age gap was starkly apparent. All I could think was thank god I didn’t have children with him!

I think I just imagined myself at 40 as old and 60 with no real difference - old was old at 28.
There is a huge difference and my ex has now retired, his hair was white and he just hadn’t aged how I expected, he was leaving our doctors surgery with a woman about 10 years younger then him who looked thoroughly fed up with his moaning!

I am so glad I’m with someone the same age now, we both have aged in a similar way but still feel so young, we still want to travel and have adventures and 40 seems young now 😂.

Don’t be an ego boost because you deserve so much better. I felt like I was old at 30 but it really isn't I think if you meet someone your own age you'll realise that.

Advanced paternal age increases the risk for genetic mutations in sperm. This contributes to serious health issues in their offspring, such as autism and schizophrenia.

I’m that generation too and the thought of dating someone at my DC’s age gives me the massive ick - just urgh!