Dating an older man I just don’t understand him?

[Backtoworktmrw]

I’m 30 dating someone 55 I have known him for a good 3 years and dated on and off. We are trying to make a proper go of it this time. He has begged and pleaded for me to be with him and give him a chance. He’s took me away on weekends away and really made me fall for him. I should probably say he has just been diagnosed with high blood pressure so may be I am expecting too much. I just spent the weekend with him he slept most of the weekend he wasn’t well. Now he has just gone cold with me barely texting or calling. I feel like I’m chasing after him!

AIBU? Do I just accept he isn’t well? I almost feel like he’s finally with me and now lost interest.

Please don't have children with him. My mum and dad had the same age gap and he died when I was 19 and I spent my entire childhood with an ill dad spending half my life in and out of hospital with him. My mum was his full blown carer in her 40s. Everyone presumed he was my grandad.

At your age surely you can find someone closer to your age? At 30, 40 would have seemed ancient to me. And my dad was 56 then.....

Being with someone of a different generation, and at a different life stage, with likely increasing health issues, doesn't sound much fun for you.

Some couples make it work but they are the exception and it doesn't sound like it's going well exactly.

Sorry, but I'd suggest you call it a day.

I will be completely honest because I have experience to share - there is 20 years between me and my DP. I am 36, he is 56.
He is a wonderful man, kind, loyal, patient, a good father. But we have been together 7 years now and the age gap is becoming more noticeable, not less.
Just as an example: we are renovating a 1930s house. He can't press on the way I do and spring up the next morning. He needs rest and recovery after a labour intensive day. He is strong and capable, but slower to recover.
Same if we go on a hike. Or chase around after our daughter.
Physically he is more in line with my mother in terms of aches and pains.
Age does happen, if we're lucky enough to get to greet it. At 30, you have so much left to do and to be, perhaps choose a partner who is more able to match your vitality and don't feel guilty or selfish for choosing to honour your youth.

Oh good lord bin him off. You can do better than a man who is 5 years off his 60s. You're 30! You'll probably be his carer in 10 years! Plus, he sounds actually quite horrible.

DO NOT have children with him!

Agree.

Way too big an age gap. Ten years from now you’re going to struggle.

Internalised misogyny alert! Why assume a younger woman is better than one his own age?

Internalised misogyny?

LOL!!

Have a word with yourself love.

He wants a care giver in a few years time.

Is he Leonardo DiCaprio?

If not, bin him off, you've just had a taste of what it's like to be his carer in 20 years. Boring and pointless.

It does not sound like this is going to work.

And in your shoes I would not even try.

He just sounds rude. It’s not nice to invite someone to spend time with you and presumably take you away from your child, and then spend it sleeping.

Who said that? No-one.

What a disgusting load of ageist nonsense.

My DP is 13 years older than me and I consider that a very large age gap at our age (52/65). No way would I contemplate a gap much larger than that. Too much compromise on lifestyle needed to be worth it. And don’t have a child with him - you’ll be parenting largely on your own because he won’t have the energy needed to

He probably lovebombed you as he knows fine well unless he is a financial provider or loaded, the chances of him bagging a 30 year old at his age are slim to none.

Do not waste your fertile years (that’s if you want dc) on a man of his age.

You’re incompatible. Evident by trip away, different interests. Different age and stage
Dont have a baby with him

Why the fuck would you go anywhere near someone who begs and pleads for another chance?! Ick.

No. Pull your standards up off the floor and run.

And no he's not ill, he's 55 and tired. And as others have said, he's lost interest now his love bombing worked. Because he never really likes you. He just needed you to like him, for his ego.

A good friend of mine fell in love with a man 20 years older when we were mid 20s. At the time he was a sophisticated man in his 40s who took care of himself, was exciting but also worldly, and just generally a cut above the juvenile beer-drinking lads we were surrounded by. They got married, and the first 10 years were wonderful, then next 10 less so. By the time my friend reached her 50s, they were very different people. He wanted to slow down, potter in the garden, watch a bit of TV, maybe do some DIY. She wanted to travel, go on holidays, go for long hikes up mountains, try new things. In the end she left him and is now with someone her own age. Looking back, she realises it was never going to work long term. To overcome that age gap you need to really really really love each other.

I knew someone who was much younger than his years, had a younger wife and fathered a child in his late 60s. His son was 8 when his father died. Please think long and hard about this.

I agree with others. The age gap is massive and it will only become more apparent over time.

Lol what, like when he's 60 and will be dead before the kids 15th birthday.

Madness.

If he ahd to beg and plead for you to give him a chance then maybe this is not really the right relationship for you?

It would if he is prescribed to deal with it.
BP can take some time to get right and people switch therapy.
Please educate yourself.

You can start dating someone who is in his 20s and have numerous side effects to deal with bcs they have a condition.
But I guess it is easier to be puddle shallow.

Do you actually like him?
Are you actually compatible?

Sounds like he just wants company/someone on his arm and you have been worn down by the promise of weekends away.

The age gap itself does not trouble me, because there's a gap of almost 15 years between my DH and me, and while it's true that man 25 years old will be "old" before you are, it's not the be-all and end-all on which to base your decisions. In any case, a close friend of mine has just lost her daughter at the age of 40, so no one knows what lies around the corner.

However, from you post, the biggest red-flag I can see is that you've got this bloke practically dead & buried due to him having high blood pressure...this on its own highlights a gap in life experience between a young & older person.