To think this is cruel on the children?

[Phillipconnarthy]

I know it's not my business, my children etc. But I'm just sharing an opinion.

A friend has two children, a boy aged 5 and a girl aged 9. Every summer, they're shipped off to their grandparents for the majority of the school holidays.
Their grandparents live 300 miles away. Obviously they get updates, facetimes etc. But I think that's pretty cruel, particularly on the 5 year old.

A week or so I could be totally on board with, but nearly 6 weeks? Anyway it's up to them, just wondered what people thought.

I’d have loved this as a kid. I slept over all the time at my grandparents. Loved it

I think the perception thus might be a cruel practice, comes from people where families are not knitted together in the traditional sense. Where grandparents would usually be part of daily life of children and the parents themselves are very close to the grandparents. An extended family in the practical sense where there is very regular interaction. To me, it seems a natural choice to send children to stay with grandparents full time if parents can't get time off work during an entire school holiday. It happens regularly in a lot of countries, including the UK and USA.

I grew up in the north and every holidays (including the 6 weeks) I came down south to stay with my grandma/uncle/half siblings dad.

Called my mum a few times a week but that was it. I had the most amazing time every single holidays and never wanted to leave.

My parents always did this for periods of the school holidays. From a young age. We had grandparents nearby but my mum’s family lived 4 hours away. We would go there for a few weeks etc. local grandparents would take us to visit other relatives for a week as they lived in a seaside town etc. needs must and childcare is expensive.

I think it depends on the family and on the child.

As a young child my GM insisted I go to her for a week each summer. I was not comfortable, she wasn't nice to me. My parents worked from home, they were OK with me being there, so long as I didn't get in the way.

However, when I recently worked in a local primary, a good number of the children I worked with spent all holidays with grandparents and extended family in (mostly) Poland - over 1,000mi away. The kids loved it and seemed really happy (both leaving and coming back) and it was a valuable link to their parents culture. The parents worked during the holidays, but would usually try to join them at the start or end.

I think it's a great way to build a close relationship with their grandparents. Extended family are so important and the bond isn't the same if the adult isn't actually caring for the child themselves. I would have loved to spend the summer holidays with my grandparents or aunts. I did spend a lot of time with them alone growing up but not such long periods as they lived local. I think it would be like an adventure for the children staying in another area too.

As you said quite rightly it’s up to them, I’m more concerned why your friends children spending time with loving Grandparents is upsetting you so much! Maybe you should ask your friend why she’s being so cruel shipping them off, as you see it. She’ll no doubt explain

My sister and I used to spend holidays with our grandmother. I have wonderful memories of those times. She was someone we were both very close to and our parents knew we were in good hands.
Nothing cruel about it at all.

No more cruel than picking apart someone’s parenting on a forum they could well see and be upset by 🥱

My parents did this. I got to go stay with my grandmother (and an other extended family) in the States every summer. I loved it! I got spoiled rotten☺️
My grandmother lived quite a different lifestyle to my parents, and her interests were different too, so it gave me a chance to try new things. I was also able to learn a lot about that side of the family, something I probably wouldn’t have, otherwise.
Some of my fondest childhood memories.
I don’t remember missing home - maybe in the beginning? I don’t know, because it was just how my family did the summer holidays, and I can’t remember anything different. Due to going every year, we had lots of little traditions, like places we would visit, games we played, special meals, etc, so I always had a lot to look forward to.

Has anyone considered that it might actually be cruel on the grandparents?

ITs very traditional really - particualrly if there is a french connection. But it isn't our norm today as we are meant to helicopter 24/7. If its what they are used to it isn't cruel is it - and I would have welcomed this as a child and I was shipped off for a week regularly and over the summer two separate weeks and I had a SAHM

I think that is sweet and a real chance to bond with grandparents without the parents. I am guessing that both parents work?

that is a beautiful way of keeping family close despite the miles. If everyone is happy, then there is no issue.

😂😂😂😂

yes, honestly! They should really be upset!

They probably still see their parents more than the kids shipped off to boarding school during term time.

If they‘ve done it since little then the kids probably have a lovely relationship with their grandparents and don’t necessarily miss home the way that kids who do the odd sleep over might.

Each to their own. Not cruel though.

Yes, but are parents not spending any holiday periods with the DC? If that is the case it seems pointless having kids not to see them.

A week might be nice if you have the option but personally I would have missed mine too much, also my DC’s GP’s weren’t interested in looking after mine at all and they lived much closer and it depends if the GP’s are capable, interested and in good health too.

I think you should mind your nebbin

This sounds lovely. I want someone to pop me on a train with pic n mix and have grandma waiting for me when I get there 😭

Given the standard of parenting in this country, it’s probably beneficial for them.

My husband and his siblings was sent to stay with aunties in Ireland every summer. He is very close to his immediate and extended family and cherishes his memories of childhood staying in Ireland... why are the children in the OP's post going to 'have a lot of issues' for staying with their grandparents!? Lol

I spend all of my holiday with my children. As does my husband to the extent we never go on holiday together. it still leaves over a month where alternative provision must be found.

I used to go to my grandparents for up to a week several times a year - started when I was about 2 and I loved it, it was a massive treat. I was (am) very close to them, and their home is very much my second home, even now. They lived around 2.5 hrs away from us. If everyone is happy with the arrangement I don't see a problem.

On the other hand, my son is almost 8 and my husband and I have never had a babysitting offer for a childfree night together 😅 I'm a bit jealous tbh!

Obviously no one else's business but I agree with you.
I couldn't not see my daughter for 6 weeks ...I really wouldn't like it and I wouldn't do it even if I had the option.
However I was never that close to my grandparents (they seemed so far removed and ancient to me! 🙈😆) so I don't really understand it.
My daughter isn't very close to my parents either.
But each to their own. I'm sure it works for some people.

Some of my best summer memories are times spent with my sister and cousin at my grandmother's. She was an amazing woman who we still miss tremendously, and we still talk about her fondly 20 odd years later.

My sister, cousin and I are still as thick as thieves and my relationship with my parents still very much intact.

Children can't have too many people loving and caring for them.

If the grandparents enjoy it bit ot does seem like a very long time and I don't know anyone who does this. Wouldn't say cruel but am curious as to why for so long, same with boarding school. Surely the whole idea of being parents is to be that, not only parts of the year.