To think this is cruel on the children?

[Phillipconnarthy]

I know it's not my business, my children etc. But I'm just sharing an opinion.

A friend has two children, a boy aged 5 and a girl aged 9. Every summer, they're shipped off to their grandparents for the majority of the school holidays.
Their grandparents live 300 miles away. Obviously they get updates, facetimes etc. But I think that's pretty cruel, particularly on the 5 year old.

A week or so I could be totally on board with, but nearly 6 weeks? Anyway it's up to them, just wondered what people thought.

I grew up doing this, for nearly all school holidays, from as far back as I remember up until I was old enough to be at home alone in the daytimes (by then I was well into my teens and mostly wanted to hang out with friends - still visited my grandparents lots though). I loved my grandparents and it was great. Plus they had all the time in the world to spend with me and not be stressed as they were retired, so we did tons of days out, they played with me, we cooked together etc etc.

Depends what relationship the kids have the with grandparents, but cruel is probably a massive overreach.

For me, I was with safe adults who loved me, and who I loved, and there was nothing I found problematic about that at all. I know that my parents loved me, and also they needed to work - it was a great solution for everyone in my family.

According to my 88 year old father, this was very common when he was growing up.

I agree with you @Phillipconnarthy

It is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!

You could have stopped with your first sentence regarding these imaginary children

Ex’s niece and nephew did this as kids. They loved it and now they’re grown up they’re wanting the same for theirs.

Someone i went to school also had this every year right through school. But out of the country.

I can't see why it would be cruel? Grandparents are family and have their best interest at heart. They are safe, fed, and taught manners and all sorts of skills. Far, far better than going to holiday clubs all day long then back home to tired and stressed parents.
I think having involved grandparents is hugely beneficial to young children.
As long as the grandparents have the energy for it, obviously.
Some of my best childhood memories are spending holidays with my grandparents. Not as long as 6 weeks at a time, but 2-4 weeks quite often.

Keep your nose out, Phil.

I think you have grounds for a citizen's arrest.

I spent half my holidays at grandparents and loved it. We were spoilt rotten and I treasure those memories.

It’s not necessary for just a sleepover. But it is sometimes the best option when parents have to work!

Perhaps the children absolutely love it - have you asked them or are you just judging and projection?
Many children love spending time with their grandparents.

Good grief. I work in an area where I deal with the aftermath of actual child cruelty. Spending school holidays with loving grandparents is not cruel, whether or not it's what you yourself would choose to do.

I was “shipped off” to my grandparents holiday caravan for the entirety of the summer holidays from age 4 to 16 (when grandad died) and it was the best memories of my life. Truly my happy place was being with my grandparents. Got spoilt, away with blue murder and watched a shit load of Jonathan Creek with my Nan.

My own DD spends a lot of time with her grandparents over the school holidays, because they do fun shit and she adores them as much as they adore her.

No I don’t find it cruel.

We had excellent holidays staying with our grandparents

I guess it depends on whether the dc are happy to spend all their school holidays at GP’s and if GP’s are happy to have them.

My parents are happy to have my DC for a week. I wouldn’t ask them to have them for all the 6 weeks holiday. It wouldn’t be fair on them to miss out on spending time with their friends and doing their hobbies. They are getting on a bit now (70’s). My DC wouldn’t be happy either.

my DC spend the first week at my parents. I take two weeks leave to cover the second and third weeks. DH takes two weeks leave to cover the fourth and fifth weeks. They go to paternal GP’s the last week.

But it it works for other families why not?

My parents did this for childcare reasons mainly, though they sometimes went away on their own leaving me with relatives. From around the age of 10 we did do family holidays in the summer but I spent all the other holidays with relatives. I didn't get on with one GP, who was openly hostile towards me and I used to cry before going. I will never fathom why my parents sent me there. Also, my birthday always falls in one of the half-terms and I was always away for that so never with my parents, though to be fair that one was always spent with a lovely relative I enjoyed being with. My parents and I are not close.

I am jealous of your friend!

After two weeks of Easter break I am so done. Utterly exhausted.

Awww, I bet the kids will have an amazing time with the grandparents and a lovely close relationship.

But, just consider that maybe the parents can't afford holiday childcare prices into hundreds of pounds each week (and round here the clubs close at 3pm anyway!) And so this is vital to keep a roof over their heads. Maybe the parents absolutely hate it too and desperately miss their kids but are doing what they can to make it work.

Wow, it’s almost like people can just choose what works for them and their own family, isn’t it? Who knew?

There’s nothing wrong with kids staying with grandparents for weeks. There’s also nothing wrong with kids never staying with their grandparents ever. I don’t see why this is bothering you.

Exactly what I was thinking. Summers with Aunt Fanny and Uncle Quentin.

I think this is fairly common with people from Eastern Europe too. A few colleagues over the years discussed how their children would visit grandparents for 6 weeks in the summer. I thought it was nice, they get to experience the culture of their parents home country. Parents would go for a week or two if possible. But yes I'm sure they miss their parents too.

There going to the GPs their not being sent to work in the coal mines! 🤣

It’s only cruel if the children hate it/the grandparents are abusive/neglectful. Hopefully everyone involved is happy with the arrangement. That’s what counts, not what a load of strangers on Mumsnet think.

It’s not that unusual for kids to be shipped off for the summer. A friend of mine went to her parent’s home country every summer to stay with relatives and had a grand time.