To think this is cruel on the children?

[Phillipconnarthy]

I know it's not my business, my children etc. But I'm just sharing an opinion.

A friend has two children, a boy aged 5 and a girl aged 9. Every summer, they're shipped off to their grandparents for the majority of the school holidays.
Their grandparents live 300 miles away. Obviously they get updates, facetimes etc. But I think that's pretty cruel, particularly on the 5 year old.

A week or so I could be totally on board with, but nearly 6 weeks? Anyway it's up to them, just wondered what people thought.

I know quite a few people who do this. In the cases I know of, one reason is to maintain the children's bilingualism. And of course it's wonderful for children to strengthen the bond they have with their grandparents.

I don't know if I personally would do this, but I can't say that there's anything cruel about a child spending time with loving family members.

I used to do this a bit as a kid i got spoilt by grandparents and other relatives and great adventures and wonderful memories parents always seem to control kids these days a lot more

Well don’t send your own kids away for 6 weeks then? Weird and pointless thread.

I went to boarding school from 11 to 16, and absolutely loved it! It was totally my choice - my Dad was in the forces and moved a lot so they would pay for children to have stability in their secondary education. But I was never under pressure to go, and my mum was a SAHP. My two younger sisters chose not to go but my two brothers did.

I had probably read too many Malory Towers books when choosing to go - but boarding school was great. A fantastic education, amazing sports facilities, learned a load of life skills, and gained a second family. I'm friends with several of my dorm-mates still 40 years later and we all meet up a couple of times a year.

I suppose I missed my family but the excitement of the weekly letter, and the occasional phone call home addressed that. I looked forward to the holidays and exeats - but at the end of the holidays I looked forward to going back to school too.

I'm not aware of anyone in my house that was unhappy to be there. I'm sure there are children who are 'sent away' (and some at a horribly young age, which is awful) - but plenty of us went through choice and had good experiences - so we shouldn't make blanket judgements.

(That said - I'd have been heartbroken to send my two away. But maybe if I'd had five it would have been different......😂)

Spent all summer at grandparents. It was heaven. Best memories of my life.

I used to do this when I was working full time. My kids loved their time with their grandparents. I would drive down to see them at weekends. So much better than paid childcare. I was lucky that my parents lived in a sea side holiday resort, my adult children still remember this time with fondness. It made up for the time that they could not see them due to living so far away.

The whole point is that it's up to the parents, who know their child best, how to provide for them during the school holidays. You aren't equipped to make a judgement

Some parents take extra leave or tag team, some conclude that their child will be happier with their gran than in a holiday club. Some prefer summer camp.

Mine adored holiday club, he spent four weeks cycling around the local senior school grounds on his bike with his little tribe of friends. He never once had a sleepover with his gran, because neither would have enjoyed it.

This is very common in Europe (at least Eastern Europe, where we don't have the concept of SAHMs).

Don’t think you should be judging someone else’s decision- maybe they don’t have a choice. However I have a 4 yo & there’s no way in the world I could go 6 weeks without seeing her when she’s 5. Think that’s way too young to be away from your parents for that long. 9 year old more understandable - but all comes down to whether this is a choice for them or not.

they will have an excellent time with lots of cherished memories of quality time with GPs and making local friends during summer and the experiences and the spoiling!

This was me as a child. we lived just outside London and my grandparents were in Scotland. I was sent there for summer and Easter holidays etc until I was about 11/12. I loved it. It was a huge adventure being in the beautiful Scottish countryside & playing on the beach at St Andrews. My grandparents lived in a tiny one street village with a local shop and their cottage backed onto a working farm. I would go collect the fresh cream, milk & butter every morning from the farmers wife. I had my Scottish cousins to play with and didn’t miss home or my parents at all as I remember. The time flew by, I didn’t want to come home.

This.they could be amazing grandparents....just do your own thing..

I went to mine 3 weeks in summer and a week at Easter. I loved it.

Rude much???

I couldn't have been separated from my children for that long.

Is that a good enough argument to pass muster with you?

I didn't spend a single night away from mine when they were little, other than when I had to go to hospital to have a sibling.

It was enough that I had to use childcare so I could continue to work. It would have been a frosty day in hell when I would have been parted from my children for weeks on end!

I agree. It would actually have been a massive help to pack my children off to their grandparents for part of the summer but I would never have done it. We managed through a combination of childcare and DH and I taking leave at opposite times. I did part term-time for a few summers when the older two had outgrown childcare. Work had a scheme where you work 10 months but your pay is calculated over 12.

My children never stayed over with my parents because they lived an hour away and mum and dad were worried that they might want to come home late at night. As it happened, both my parents died when my eldest was 9, so we never got the chance. I think my kids would have loved it because mum and dad spoiled them rotten!

I barely saw my parents during the summer, with being send to summer camp abroad for 3 weeks and then my grandparents. I didn’t feel resentful to my parents, in fact summer camp was the best experience. I get it, they had to work. I’ve also sent my DD abroad to my parents sometimes up to 3 weeks and I’ve joined for the last week.

What’s cruel about it? What have you known the grandparents to be doing to the children that’s cruel?

I would assume that the parents can not get holidays and can’t rely on holiday clubs, either because if the operating hours and or the cost. They have a solution where the kids are happy and looked after, and I don’t see an issue.

Most posters are comparing this to 2 or 3 weeks with older children or that 6 weeks of holiday club is the same - it’s not - the difference is you come home every night. Don’t think anyone’s said they’d send their 5-year-old away for 6 weeks. That’s the difference- 5 is way too young IMO. You can’t go to boarding school at 5 so it’s not the same as that either (boarding school for under 10s is also cruel IMO) but as I said before maybe it’s the only way this family can make things work, in which case they don’t have a choice, not ideal though

I was shipped off to my grandparents summers, holidays etc and was only 40km away but may as well have been 400km. I was bored out of my mind. Also I remember one summer I had health issues and noone thought to take me to a doctor; once my mother picked me up she took me to a doctor and i had to go on injections few times a day for a couple of weeks🤦🏻‍♀️
that aside, I can’t imagine not seeing or spending time with my kid for weeks.

I kind of agree with you Op, kids could grow up feeling like their parents didn’t really want them around, which is sad.

That's nothing. My cousin has shipped her two children off to their grandparents for most of their lives.

Their grandmother brings them up more than their mother.

I think 6 weeks is ok. It takes more than one person to raise children

@XelaM ok that's fine. I expect your daughter understands. Parents do the best they can. And their children can usually see that.

I'm not saying this is true for everyone but I'm sure in your case she gets it. Go for it.

I work with many international nurses. Obviously different cultures different values. But it's not uncommon among the Phillipinos for children to be cared for by grandparents or aunts back home while they travel abroad to work and send money home. A colleague from Zimbabwe sent her children overseas to be cared for by relatives ahead of her being able to travel to UK. I don't think she ever had them back full time.

Back in the UK my sister has her Grandchildren for periods of time, up to two weeks at a time over the school holidays - it's a massive help with childcare and they do lots together and have a great time.

I bet those children have lovely holidays and have a great relationship with their grandparents. Plus with such a distance involved it makes much more sense than struggling to cobble together a few days a/l to tear up the motorway for a long weekend here and there before rushing back again.

I'm not arguing with the opinion that poster holds. I'm pointing out to them that saying something and then just repeating "that's my opinion" when questioned is worthless.

You might be able to make a good case for it, that's hardly the point as for all you know I agree with it anyway.