House move - stupid school commute

[TidyOchreQuoter]

We're moving about an hour away due to my husband's new job and because we want to move out of the city. Our current home is getting too tight and we can't afford a 4 bed in our area, even if we wanted to stay.

Our son will start Year 10 in September and he doesn't want to move schools. Ideally, we don't want to move him, he's settled and doing well but... in rush hour it's likely to be an hour and a half drive. Which is obviously ridiculous, but is it worse than moving him?? He's only got 2 years left as the school doesn't have a sixth form so we would then apply to college in our new area.

We can't really wait because we have another child who will start Year 7 in September and don't want her to have to do 2 years and then move schools. It would also affect applications to primary school for our youngest who starts Reception in September 2026.

It's a bit of an impossible situation, but any thoughts??

I would suck up the drive.

That is a long commute. I'd tell him if he wants to stay he has to find a way of getting there by public transport. Three hours round trip is ridiculous especially if you are both working.

So we moved 30 minutes car hour bus our year 9 did not want to move schools so for the first year he bussed their and back but dh’s hours changed and now he drops him there but he has to bus home or wait at a relatives / out with friends till dh finished work. His also decided to stay on for 6th form there so doesn’t find the bus too bad.

Cant say I’d force a move unless I had too. It’s hard to make new friends mid way though secondary school.

Are there no trains, or buses? Obviously the bus is the same distance but possibly quicker in rush hour due to bus lanes?

I was forced to move out of our immediate area, commute to school went from 5 minutes to 25 minutes, and that was bad enough. I'm moving back this year!

Ninety minutes each way so six hours a day driving? Don’t you have a job and other responsibilities to get the younger children to school?

He’s just going to have to suck it up unless there’s trains or some other faster way for him to commute.

He needs to move schools. That commute is too long.

Your age gaps are so spread out you’re basically looking at the best for 2/3 of your children and the other one will have to make it work.

If you’re picking the younger 2 for longevity, he will have to suck it up.

Move him. He’s going into year 10 not year 11

Actually is he at a school where they have already done options? Because some start it a year earlier than others and do the closer schools offer the same choices he wants?

It’s not ultimately his fault you had to move right now to benefit his siblings school places either.

You surely can’t do 6 hours driving for school every day. The hours each week and the cost will be huge.

Hmm. Lots of good points. My work is flexible and I can wfh as much as I like, but we have an office not too far from his school so thought I might just drop him off then go in.

I might be able to find some way of making it quicker with a combo of driving/train.

It's obviously not his fault, things don't always fall into place like a jigsaw.

Maybe we could have a look round schools near the new house in case he can be persuaded, if not, we can try the commute and he might end up asking to move I guess!

They pick their options before the end of term. He's not picking anything unusual, it's more that he's got good friends and, academically, is doing very well.

Same here. If it's a really worthwhile move, I wouldn't want to miss that (although obviously better when he's off to uni of at all possible) and moving him in Y10 is a really bad idea. He can do his homework in the car and a good opportunity for a proper chat.

I must admit I did kinda hope ours would ask to move after doing the buses during winter but his friends and teacher that he knew was stronger than his desire for a walkable school

Ignore that. I thought he was already in y10!

Will the new school be studying the same GCSE syllabus that he might have already started at his current school? English texts etc? That would be a concern for me, on top of him being the new kid going into year 10 when friendship groups are well established..

I think that's too far of a commute. Has he started his GCSE courses in year 9? If so, I would say the end of year 11, the end of year 8, the end of year 2 are better times for moves than part way through GCSEs as, while none of the children will be starting new schools then, they will all have finished a self-contained year and have plenty of years left in their new schools to make friends. If he hasn't started GCSEs then moving now is fine. An hour and a halves drive is ridiculous. It will mean basically no free time in his school week. Up 6.30
Out 7.30
Home 17.00
Homework until 19.00
Tea till 20.00
If he's in bed about 10pm that gives him an hour and a half free time a night, if that, bearing in mind he'll have stuff to get ready for the next day. That's less free time than some people get on a work day! Plus his school friends/school parties etc will be 1.5 hours away. Either move him or delay moving until he's finished school.

Definitely move him now. If he starts year 10 and can't manage the commute it will be difficult to move him then as the GCSE syllabus will have started and the two schools could be doing radically different exam boards. Some subjects might not even be available in the new school and those that are might have very different content.

We moved our daughter in year 9 as we had to relocate 4 hours away. She settled pretty quickly and the only hiccup was they had no space in the Spanish class so she ended up doing French and sitting out for German lessons as she had never done it before and wouldn't be taking it at GCSE.

We found the school we moved her to responded really well and tried to introduce her to people they thought she might gel with. One of them has proved to be her best friend - despite DD going to university and the friend doing an apprenticeship instead and not going away.

I think it will get old very fast travelling all that way twice a day. It massively restricts all of you.

Another thing do any of the good secondary schools even have spaces in his year? My middle child’s school is over subscribed and waiting lists in every single year group.

Is this the new school you are talking about? If not don’t be surprised if various options are already full meaning he gets whats left.

Thanks everyone, some really good points and lots to think about.

Oh God, it's going to be a nightmare whatever we do!

His current school might pick now but his new school might of already. My year 8 has picked hers as they start in year 9 any new comer will get what spaces there are.

I went to my ‘local’ grammar school. It was about a half hour car drive, longer in rush hour, but I almost always got the school bus, which went round all the villages in between and took about 1.5hrs to do it. At the bus stop for 7:15, in school usually for 8:45, sometimes late (back in the days when it wasn’t a crime). Same on the return trip - bus at 3:45, so not home til half 5 or 6 with the extra traffic. We LOVED some of the bus drivers who’d check if the students who lived in certain villages were on and if not, take shorter routes home!

It meant setting alarms from 5:30am onwards to force myself out of bed in time, homework often done on the bus or at lunchtimes, and limited after school activities (as they meant a parent having to collect, and mine both worked fulltime), but it was just my normal and I did well at school so it wasn’t too detrimental, and I wasn’t the only one by a long way doing this length of commute for schools in that area.

I’d definitely let your DS choose, OP, it might not be a bad thing in terms of resilience too if he’s having to make his own way and manage his own time efficiently. The bus was a life experience in itself - the politics and dramas and friendships!

I think you would be really overstretched trying to do different school drop offs/collections spread over a 90min distance. What happens if youngest is sick and you have to stay home how will eldest get to school? Car breaks down or in garage? Can you at least investigate schools in the new area with him ie do they have space, the subjects he wants to pick

Honestly that's too long. I'd move him, he will make new friends.