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Original poster

House move - stupid school commute

128 replies

TidyOchreQuoter · 21/04/2025 19:38

We're moving about an hour away due to my husband's new job and because we want to move out of the city. Our current home is getting too tight and we can't afford a 4 bed in our area, even if we wanted to stay.

Our son will start Year 10 in September and he doesn't want to move schools. Ideally, we don't want to move him, he's settled and doing well but... in rush hour it's likely to be an hour and a half drive. Which is obviously ridiculous, but is it worse than moving him?? He's only got 2 years left as the school doesn't have a sixth form so we would then apply to college in our new area.

We can't really wait because we have another child who will start Year 7 in September and don't want her to have to do 2 years and then move schools. It would also affect applications to primary school for our youngest who starts Reception in September 2026.

It's a bit of an impossible situation, but any thoughts??

OP posts:
ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 21/04/2025 20:24

Darkambergingerlily · 21/04/2025 19:45

Move him. He’s going into year 10 not year 11

Some schools start GCSE in Y9

SalfordQuays · 21/04/2025 20:28

Why is it OK to move your son in year 10, but not your daughter in year 9?

NotSafeInTaxis · 21/04/2025 20:31

If he has good friends in school, isn't he going to want to see them outside if school too? It's not just the school commute you have to consider....

SalfordQuays · 21/04/2025 20:32

OP unless your son is on board with it, I would 100% not move him. Year 10 is a classic time for rebellion and disengagement. If he’s at a new school, grumpy about it, having to make new friends etc, there’s a danger he might disengage with school, lose interest and motivation, and then you’re in trouble. In your situation I would do everything in my power to keep him at the same school. GCSEs are brutal, and the stress starts at the beginning of year 10. Kids really need their friends around them.

EnidSpyton · 21/04/2025 20:35

As a secondary school teacher, I'd advise moving him.

That commute is going to make him knackered. The increase in workload from Y9 to Y10 is going to hit him hard enough as it is, with 3 hours' worth of travelling put on top. And what happens if he wants to do a sports fixture or other club after school and finishes late? How will he get home? What about socialising with friends? If it's a city centre school, everyone will live locally and he'll be the only one miles away. There's a lot more to consider than just the day-to-day journey.

There's also the consideration of sixth form - if you get him into a school with a sixth form now, he'll be able to stay for four years and have his friends around him.

Year 10 is a good time to be new. GCSEs are taught in sets and everyone is doing different options, so Year 10 often sees a natural shift in friendship groups, even amongst students who have been at school together since Year 7, as the old form group friendships start to unravel and new friendships are made to reflect who they spend more time with in subject lessons.

I'd go and view some local schools with your DS - I know it's really hard for teenagers to move and the thought of starting again can be overwhelming, but getting a feel for a new school, meeting the teachers and being able to visualise what it would be like, might help.

BatchCookBabe · 21/04/2025 20:37

I can't be the only one thinking this...

@TidyOchreQuoter Why on earth did your husband apply for a job an hour to an hour and a half drive away? When it will be a 3 hour round trip to your son's school? You have 3 kids - one mid teens, one who is around 10, and one around 4 years old? Secondary school age, primary, and soon to start school.

This was always going to be a problem. What if he decides he doesn't like this 'new job' and wants to leave in 2-3 years, and move another hour to an hour and a half drive away? Your 2 younger children will have to move schools then! When you have 3 children, with a fairly large age gap between the youngest and the oldest, sometimes you have to make sacrifices. I think you should all stay put.

The commute you're proposing is ludicrous. 6 hours of travelling a day (to school.) As pps have said, what about your other children? Your job? Your other commitments? I mean your DH won't be doing fuck-all will he? He will be too busy at his big important job. 🙄

fruitbrewhaha · 21/04/2025 20:44

Of course you need to move schools. Just sort it out now and move him asap. My dd started her GCSEs in summer term of yr 9.

Sparsely · 21/04/2025 20:44

I would think that he'd need to change schools because spending so long travelling each day when he needs to be studying for exams, It will put him at a massive disadvantage to other children.

He will also be at a social disadvantage, forced to listen to tales of events (parties, cinema trips, trips out for food etc) he won't be able to take part in. Year 10 onwards this starts to become increasingly important. And what's he going to do in the holidays when all his mates are 90 mins away?

He will hate it. And for a bit he'll hate you too. But he'll find new friends.

Could you look for a house which has potential for a teenage "den" which will help him have stuff to do with new friends (eg pingpong table, projector TV, some weights, darts etc). It would probably be cheaper than the petrol!

Emanresuunknown · 21/04/2025 20:45

Tbh you are sending him a pretty strong message about where he sits in the family pecking order..... And it's bottom, isn't it.

I mean everyone else's needs are being prioritised over his, everyone's, the 4yr old etc.

GCSE's are a big time for kids this age, moving would be a really disruptive event for him. Did you not actually consider this before now in terms of where you settled?!

PrincessOfPreschool · 21/04/2025 20:47

I don't think you can drive him with other children also starting school. How will you deal with them?

He'll have to suck it up. See if you can find a school with a sixth form which is good and closer so that he doesn't need to move again in Y12.

PrincessOfPreschool · 21/04/2025 20:48

Emanresuunknown · 21/04/2025 20:45

Tbh you are sending him a pretty strong message about where he sits in the family pecking order..... And it's bottom, isn't it.

I mean everyone else's needs are being prioritised over his, everyone's, the 4yr old etc.

GCSE's are a big time for kids this age, moving would be a really disruptive event for him. Did you not actually consider this before now in terms of where you settled?!

Rubbish. He has 2 years left whereas the others have many years left. It's purely practical.

lavenderlou · 21/04/2025 20:48

Is there nowhere you can move to that's commutable for both your DH's new job and your son's school? Somewhere on a public transport route?

Emanresuunknown · 21/04/2025 20:49

BatchCookBabe · 21/04/2025 20:37

I can't be the only one thinking this...

@TidyOchreQuoter Why on earth did your husband apply for a job an hour to an hour and a half drive away? When it will be a 3 hour round trip to your son's school? You have 3 kids - one mid teens, one who is around 10, and one around 4 years old? Secondary school age, primary, and soon to start school.

This was always going to be a problem. What if he decides he doesn't like this 'new job' and wants to leave in 2-3 years, and move another hour to an hour and a half drive away? Your 2 younger children will have to move schools then! When you have 3 children, with a fairly large age gap between the youngest and the oldest, sometimes you have to make sacrifices. I think you should all stay put.

The commute you're proposing is ludicrous. 6 hours of travelling a day (to school.) As pps have said, what about your other children? Your job? Your other commitments? I mean your DH won't be doing fuck-all will he? He will be too busy at his big important job. 🙄

This. I don't understand why this wasnt considered when he applied for a job so far away - did nobody consider your teenage son and what would work for the whole family? I bet this teen son is your son from a previous marriage and not your DH's son, and family no.2 are being prioritised now.

Emanresuunknown · 21/04/2025 20:50

PrincessOfPreschool · 21/04/2025 20:48

Rubbish. He has 2 years left whereas the others have many years left. It's purely practical.

Show quote history

Yeah 2 pretty important years?!

They only have to wait 2 years. Why is it worse for his sister to have to move in yr8 or 9 than, him to move for yr10

PrincessOfPreschool · 21/04/2025 20:53

Because he has to move for Y12 anyway so may as well move now and then no one will be moving in 2 years time.

Nina1013 · 21/04/2025 20:53

Do you have family local to where you are now? If so, staying at grandparents/aunt/uncle even once a week would make a huge difference in terms of making this doable for the 2 years.

EnidSpyton · 21/04/2025 20:54

As a secondary school teacher of many years' experience, I can assure you OP, children move schools all the time and it really isn't that big a deal. They cope.

They make new friends quickly - kids love novelty, so a new person arriving in a year group is an event - and within a half term, they'll hardly think of their old school at all.

To the posters catastrophising and calling it selfish - don't be ridiculous. Children can't expect their parents' lives to stand still for the entire time they're at school!

1543click · 21/04/2025 20:55

Stay put for two years and let your husband do the commute. If you've managed this far in your house why do you have to move now? Would you have moved if he hadn't got a new job?

PurpleThistle7 · 21/04/2025 20:59

i would say if he wants to do it himself then you should try it but I can’t work out the logistics of how you’d get everyone else to where they needed to be. What if someone is unwell or needs to be picked up halfway through the day?

is there a middle ground option?

Bimblebombles · 21/04/2025 21:01

No way I'd do that much driving everyday. It will burn you out quickly.

I'd rather DH lived away during the week in your situation; spend money on him being able to do that rather than on paying for 6 hours of petrol every day. Do the move once the child finished school.

Bimblebombles · 21/04/2025 21:02

Is it you that will be doing the driving? Why is it OK for you to have to spend 6 hours in the car every day rather than your husband commuting 2 hours?

UndermyShoeJoe · 21/04/2025 21:06

EnidSpyton · 21/04/2025 20:54

As a secondary school teacher of many years' experience, I can assure you OP, children move schools all the time and it really isn't that big a deal. They cope.

They make new friends quickly - kids love novelty, so a new person arriving in a year group is an event - and within a half term, they'll hardly think of their old school at all.

To the posters catastrophising and calling it selfish - don't be ridiculous. Children can't expect their parents' lives to stand still for the entire time they're at school!

Doesn’t that depend on the child? those shy children who struggled to make a good friendship group full stop will definitely struggle moving school as a lone person that moving with half their school year. 6th form all his current school will be moving so expected transition.

Shallana · 21/04/2025 21:06

I would move him now. Ultimately he's a child and doesn't get to call the shots. If he's going into Y10 then this is the ideal time to move, before he begins his GCSE'S. If either you or him find the drive too much, then he will be disadvantaged by having to move schools half through the year.

Moving schools will also give him the opportunity to make friends in his local area which will be important for him - I imagine his social life will struggle if he can't easily meet up with friends after school or on the weekend, and could end up with him becoming isolated.

AutumnLeaves24 · 21/04/2025 21:11

S0j0urn4r · 21/04/2025 19:40

I would suck up the drive.

3 hour return tip twice a day, or do what near the school all day?? I think not.

just get him moved, that is not a commutable distance daily to school.

But we are not to have taken into consideration before you decided to move though. But it's very difficult when you have three different ages and stages for one move to be ideal for all of them.,

The alternative, I suppose is to see if he could weekly board with any of his friends?? Monday night to Thursday night just drop him off on Monday morning and pick him up after school on Friday.

Again, less than ideal in exam years.

Snoken · 21/04/2025 21:14

I wouldn't think I could just decide to move schools for a child that age. I think he's old enough to decide for himself. It will be tiring of course but these are the cards he's been dealt unfortunately.