Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

House move - stupid school commute

128 replies

TidyOchreQuoter · 21/04/2025 19:38

We're moving about an hour away due to my husband's new job and because we want to move out of the city. Our current home is getting too tight and we can't afford a 4 bed in our area, even if we wanted to stay.

Our son will start Year 10 in September and he doesn't want to move schools. Ideally, we don't want to move him, he's settled and doing well but... in rush hour it's likely to be an hour and a half drive. Which is obviously ridiculous, but is it worse than moving him?? He's only got 2 years left as the school doesn't have a sixth form so we would then apply to college in our new area.

We can't really wait because we have another child who will start Year 7 in September and don't want her to have to do 2 years and then move schools. It would also affect applications to primary school for our youngest who starts Reception in September 2026.

It's a bit of an impossible situation, but any thoughts??

OP posts:
bigvig · 22/04/2025 07:32

Once he starts his GCSEs you can't move him. The new school is unlikely to do the same options same exam boards etc. Maths is Maths whatever you go but subjects like English Lit choose different books to teach. themes poems etc. Do the drive a few times over the next few weeks, see how he feels about it.

whatsappdoc · 22/04/2025 07:42

Hopefully your DH is spending an equal amount of time trying to solve this problem.🤨
Leave the move for now. DH can extend his commute by two hours. Surely better than extending yours by six?

ElfDragon · 22/04/2025 07:54

For various reasons (included the fact I am supposed to have moved YEARS ago), I do a similar school run. It is, quite frankly, hell. My total time in the car each day is 6.5 hours, on a good day. I spend £120 minimum each week in fuel, and drive over 32000 miles each year, which has a knock on cost on servicing and maintenance. It is expensive, time consuming and extremely tiring (for me as well as for the dc).

as previous posters have pointed out, it leaves little room in the day for anything else. We go out at 7.15am and get back at 6.15pm at the earliest, going up to 7pm for minor changes (short rehearsals) and later if there are longer activities (which are a nightmare for timing sometimes - if 1 dc is finishing at 7.30pm or later, then I have a choice - keep all of them out later and grab a takeaway/make up a picnic tea, or rush home and feed quickly then go back out for the the last one. I have had to hire babysitters just to be able to collect 1 dc from play rehearsals, so extra cost there). By the time I have then cooked, and we have eaten, there is barely time for anything else before starting getting them to bed, as we all have to up early. We can’t even manage to watch a single episode of anything together during the week, as there is always homework, or lines to learn, or I’m washing kit and making sure it can be clean for the next day (no mean feat in winter sometimes!)

Move halfway, or your DH commutes. Youngest will cope fine with moving primary after a couple of years, and if you move halfway, both secondary children can have half the commute each (you take one, DH takes the other) until your eldest moves. You could always rent halfway so it is always seen as a temporary move, then buy once your eldest has finished GCSEs and you’re ready to move to where your middle one is at school.

ihmysrn · 22/04/2025 07:57

What would the drive be for your husband? I would not move my kids at this point of secondary school, but think it’s pretty unfair to make your son have to do a 3 hour round trip commute during GCSEs (plus it’s going to be hell for you, I get frustrated enough at a 5 mile school run!)

There’s got to be a better option here.

sunshineandshowers40 · 22/04/2025 07:57

I wouldn't move your oldest DC at this stage of their education. Why can't DH commute from where you live for 2 years? Much easier to move younger DC in a couple of years.

Was this potential move discussed before DH applied for the job?

Original poster
TidyOchreQuoter · 22/04/2025 09:03

Thanks everyone.

Just to clarify - the new job is due to redundancy. My husband works in a pretty niche area with a set number of jobs across the country, so we actually felt quite lucky he got a new job at all! In some ways it would have been better if the job was further away, but it is what it is.

He could commute, yes, but he would have to leave so early and be back so late that would mean I would be responsible for getting all 3 children to and from nursery/school plus cooking every night by myself which I think would be even worse.

I've managed to find a school bus which would cut the commute to an hour, which is more reasonable.

I think what we'll do once we move is have a look at the schools with spaces, understand what the GCSE options are at those schools and then make a more informed decision.

Thanks all for your help.

OP posts:
ihmysrn · 22/04/2025 09:14

TidyOchreQuoter · 22/04/2025 09:03

Thanks everyone.

Just to clarify - the new job is due to redundancy. My husband works in a pretty niche area with a set number of jobs across the country, so we actually felt quite lucky he got a new job at all! In some ways it would have been better if the job was further away, but it is what it is.

He could commute, yes, but he would have to leave so early and be back so late that would mean I would be responsible for getting all 3 children to and from nursery/school plus cooking every night by myself which I think would be even worse.

I've managed to find a school bus which would cut the commute to an hour, which is more reasonable.

I think what we'll do once we move is have a look at the schools with spaces, understand what the GCSE options are at those schools and then make a more informed decision.

Thanks all for your help.

Worse for you, but much better for your son at this pivotal time. I’m biased because I’m a military wife so am surrounded by people who do your “worst case” (without fuss, most of the time, it should be said). But I’m very surprised you think this is the best solution, but I suppose now you’ve found the bus it’s ‘only’ your son’s problem?

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 22/04/2025 09:25

There will probably only be spaces at the less good schools if you move him.

The good ones will be oversubscribed.

Sritila · 22/04/2025 09:29

An hour each way on a bud is doable for a teen. Once you don’t have to do the drive then I think that’s fine

Chaseandstatus · 22/04/2025 10:22

Reading your update, I would not move the family. Your DH hasn’t chosen this situation, ie he is not going for his dream career move… what if he doesn’t pass his probation in the new role, or gets made redundant again, he doesn’t need that pressure and your family doesn’t need the upheaval.

FatherFrosty · 22/04/2025 10:28

Mine is year 11. We have a 10 mile commute to our local school, it’s half yours in time.
it’s hard
as we are approaching GCSEs, there’s extra lessons after most days (which means even longer commutes as we are hitting rush hour). We’ve got her exam time table and she’s in and out all day for those few weeks.
it’s basically going to require a parent to be on call for this last few months.
thats before they want to see their mates on a Saturday
The school bus won’t cover the extra lessons or any extra curricular, it won’t cover the in and out nature of the exams. And it won’t cover seeing their mates

I wouldn’t change schools at this point unless I was really unhappy with it. It’s a critical time, friendships have (generally) settled and the teachers know them and know what needs support and what doesn’t.

sashh · 22/04/2025 10:47

OP

Make an appointment with the head of the school your DS currently attends and ask if they can do anything to help.

Something like flexi schooling could work if you are working from home so he goes in to school some days and self studies others.

It's not ideal but might work in your situation.

If the head allows this you could start it now in year 9 to see how well or badly it works.

cantkeepawayforever · 22/04/2025 11:00

We faced this - DH got a new job 2 hours away when both DC were at school.

We lived apart during the week for, in the end, nearly 5 years - to see both through critical years of school and then an extra year as the pandemic delayed moving.

We kept our old house, and DC and I lived there. DH rented a v. cheap 1 bed flat near to new job.

At the end of the critical period of schooling, we could have chosen for DH to jobseek back near old house, or for us to finally move. We did the latter, in the end.

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 22/04/2025 11:01

90 mins each way will become very difficult/unsustainable in Y10, and especially Y11.

I say that as the mother of a Y11.
Increased workload, before/after school interventions, holiday revision sessions.

I'd normally advocate against moving a school child after options had been picked, but in your case the reality of keeping him where he is is madness.

BuildbyNumbere · 22/04/2025 11:06

Can you adjust the travel times so not travelling during rush hour? Can he go in early to a breakfast club or something and then you travel home at 3pm prior to rush hour?

5gymbabe · 22/04/2025 11:06

It is your husband that has changed jobs he should be doing the commute until a solution is found for the best of everyone

Sgreenpy · 22/04/2025 11:10

whatsappdoc · 22/04/2025 07:42

Hopefully your DH is spending an equal amount of time trying to solve this problem.🤨
Leave the move for now. DH can extend his commute by two hours. Surely better than extending yours by six?

But they want to move and have younger children to consider.
I think its reasonable to move and start at a new school for GCSE courses (particularly if the current school does not have a 6th form).

Roselilly36 · 22/04/2025 11:18

If I was in this situation I would move schools, that drive will be really stressful twice a day in rush, and if yours is anything like my kids as that age, you get a call from school, child sick or had an accident, can you pick them up and you just want to get there. What would be plan be if for some reason you couldnt collect? A lot to consider, I know, can your child visit some of the local schools where you will be living and see what they think.

DangerousAlchemy · 22/04/2025 11:18

5gymbabe · 22/04/2025 11:06

It is your husband that has changed jobs he should be doing the commute until a solution is found for the best of everyone

100% this! while he applies for closer/better jobs nearer their current house. no brainer in my book

DangerousAlchemy · 22/04/2025 11:20

Sgreenpy · 22/04/2025 11:10

But they want to move and have younger children to consider.
I think its reasonable to move and start at a new school for GCSE courses (particularly if the current school does not have a 6th form).

Show quote history

did you move your child at that age then? My kids would have killed me. v v stressful 2 years ahead of this boy. Dad can commute. he's a grown man.

gestruggelt · 22/04/2025 11:26

I think he should move schools. That commute is far too long and he'll be exhausted and so will you.

It might have been better if you'd just stayed where you are DH commute. The hassle of getting children ready in the morning without him might have been easier than the 3 hour commute every single day for your DS and you.

cantkeepawayforever · 22/04/2025 11:27

I do think it depends exactly which school he’d go to in the new location. In our case, no school with places was a patch on existing schools near old home - so we stayed put.

If you can identify an equal
or better school, with places available, and also going through to Y13, then the decision is slightly different (and remember that a school with places can give one regardless of where you are currently living, so he could attend from now, commuting with his dad, while you househunt.

MrBiscuits24 · 22/04/2025 11:27

I have been doing this for years. Divorce, don’t want to move kids etc etc. I do a 90 minute school commute. School years go so quickly and it’s short term pain in the arse for long term gain. I don’t want my kids being annoyed because I’d ruined their school experience!

Tbrh · 22/04/2025 11:29

Drive him halfway and he can train or bus the rest? Personally let him stay at his current school if he wants. Have you already moved? I agree with @BatchCookBabeyou should all stay put and maybe husband does the commute to work?

lilacmamacat · 22/04/2025 11:42

How is he going to make friends and have a social life in his new area? School plays a massive part in this, especially if he does't have any hobbies that would naturally 'make' him socialise with others eg. Scouts, local team sports, etc. I known a child who moved school in their final GCSE year and now commutes more than an hour each way to 6th form college, but they are very academically determined - I also know this wouldn't work for my teen. Ultimately - if you have to move 1.5hrs away - I think your DS needs to move schools, but a fairer option would be to live half way between school and job.