Does anyone else not send their children to grandparents for sleepovers?

[nosleepoverss]

My child is 3 years old and he has never had a sleepover. Both sets of grandparents have asked about it and I just don’t see any need for it. We co-sleep, he still breastfeeds to sleep most nights and I don’t want him to sleep anywhere else/away from us and I see no reason why he should 🤷‍♀️ Surely I’m not the only one? 😂 I imagine he will be asking for sleepovers in a few years time but right now I just see any need for it?

HNRTWT. I am a mother and now grandmother (GC ages range from toddler to secondary). Yes to family bonds and all that, but the strongest practical reason for children staying occasionally with grandparents is that it removes some of the problems that would arise if they HAVE to do that unexpectedly. (Think parental or sibling hospitalisation...)

Those gc who live near me enjoy staying, and have done so from being very young. Next one to stay will be recuperating from an operation (first stayed overnight with us while still a sitting baby). It adds another dimension to little people's lives. And to old people's!

Also have a DS who is 3 - he has slept at my parents many times with me staying there aswell and a couple of nights when I’ve been absent. He’s stayed at my MILs a couple of nights without us aswell. In may he’ll be spending a week with my parents as we are doing some renovations. I think at 3 you are really breastfeeding for yourself to be honest.. I don’t know if there’s any actual benefit at that age health wise? I’m trying to build independence now little by little at 3; I suppose it depends on what your goals are for your child at what age etc. I enjoy a bit of a break sometimes and I think it’s good he can settle elsewhere ok without us there x

My kid is in primary school and we don’t do (or plan to do) sleepovers

No because my MIL has Alzheimer’s only recently diagnosed although it’s been obvious for 5 years. MIl and FIL went to great lengths to try and cover it up, enable her and lie to us about it. We tried everything we could to get them to get her help and they refused. When MIL administered Calpol incorrectly as FIL didn’t do it himself after I asked him to (despite me texting instructions to both AND writing the times of the last doses and instructions on the bottles) we had no choice but to stop all unsupervised access. Me and DH have never had a night on our own for 12 years.

It's only good if it's good for all involved. If the child, the parents or the grandparents find it stressful then it's not a good solution. My child has talked about it, but was anxious about it thinking it was something he had to do because he'd heard about it from school friends and stories. He isn't ready yet, I respect that. I've told him when he wants to see can build up and have granny and grandad do bedtime with us there, then us being out for the evening but sleeping over there, then a proper sleepover. He will tell me when he wants to do that.

It is a lovely thing to do, but it isn't a vital ingredient without which the lovely relationship can't exist. Do what feels right for your family.

And yes we would love some time without children, just occasionally. We have no childcare whatsoever.

You need to fact-check your statement about it being in no way beneficial...the opposite has been widely demonstrated in terms of short and long-term benefits to both child and mother, hence the promotion of natural-term breastfeeding by the NHS, WHO etc.

I would love this but my elderly in-laws are quite frail now and live hours away.

My mum sadly just hasn't got it in her and has never requested it which makes me a bit sad as I remember loving sleepovers at my gran's - it's fun and safe for them.

If we did a sleepover I'd have to be there too I think. So you have a situation I envy greatly.

Never had a sleepover at grandparents... once we went on a 3 day weekend trip when DS was 18 months old... he is 20.. DD and DS2 have never stayed with them without us.

We might be among the minority.

We live in France and many many kids stay with their grandparents during the holidays for weeks on end, from a young age.

There might not be any practical need but, once your little one stops breastfeeding, you'll be pleasantly surprised how nice it is to have a night off/time to yourself and a lie in! Also breastfed until 2 so no judgement, ignore others!

I also breastfed till 3.
No sleepovers till they asked around 10/11.

Once a fortnight since end of ML when my night shift was on the same day as DH’s.
Now got a settled and adaptable child who doesn’t kick off if he needs to be babysat as an emergency.

My youngest hasn't had overnights at grandmas, he has just turned 3 and still breastfed only to sleep at night. I am trying to wean him off now and frustratingly he can sleep without if I'm out or he's napping at nursery but if he can see me there he just won't and get so upset. My eldest (7) stayed at his grandmas overnight only once or twice in the past few years. I think one of the times was whilst I was in hospital having his brother.

My 13 year old has never slept over at grandparents’ homes without one of us being there. She just hasn’t wanted to and it wouldn’t have been practical for my parents when she was younger because of their business. She’s slept over at cousins’ houses though.

Could you share your evidence of this? I can provide many evidence based papers would suggest it is beneficial.

My youngest hasn’t slept overnight away without one of us (me or his dad) and he’s coming up 5.
I think it totally depends on the child, my older ones slept at close family members houses from about 3 occasionally and they loved it. Our youngest one still ends up in our bed most nights, and is very much attached to us so wouldn’t enjoy a sleep over as much and I would worry about how disrupted everyone else’s sleep would be.
He was BF until he was 2, the older ones weren’t so I don’t know if that’s the main difference between them.
I think if the child would enjoy it, then it’s a good chance to have a break, I have to admit sometimes I long to have a whole night sleep and a lie in the next day!

We also breastfeed and co-sleep and DS will be five next month. He’s been doing occasional sleepovers since two though. Both he and my milk supply were able to manage a night off by then. At three I went abroad for two weeks without him and was able to pick up feeding again when I returned.

My DD hasn’t but we don’t live close by. She’s
nearly 7 and getting to an age where she likes the idea of staying with my mum overnight but I’m not sure how she’d actually do if we left her!

Dhs parents were dead before we had children.
My mum and dad are in their 80s and my 'kids' are adults. Mum and dad live about 70 miles from me.
When the children were small my dad used to come and stay at our house for the weekend while me and dh went away on his work conferences or had a weekend break. This was about 4 times a year from when ds1 was about 2. Both lads used to go away for a week or two to ' nana and grandads ' while the childminder was on holiday. It did there relationship good.
The ti.e spent together did them all good.
If me and dh were incapacitated say through a car accident or died, my parents would have been the next of kin. Therefore it was important that they had a relationship with them despite the distance.

As it happens ds1is nearly 30, I'm 60 and mum and dad are mid 80s but the boys have a good relationship with them and visit monthly.

OP mine didn't when younger as there was no need - no, tell a lie they did for one night when I went to a wedding (I pumped milk) but other than that no. They don't really like sleeping over anywhere to be honest, when I need to go away grandparents come here to babysit.

DD is just 3. She has never slept over anywhere yet. My sister did look after once aged about 6/7 weeks in our living room for the night so I could sleep! Which was amazing.
Both sets of grandparents live 10mins away so no need in terms of going to see them and if we need a babysitter (only happened in the evening a handful of times) one of them or my sister would come here and put her to bed no issues.
To me it would seem strange to do for the sake of it as it isn’t needed- even if we had a night away (which we haven’t and I have no real wish to do) then they would come here and look after her.
However I know one set of grandparents are hoping she will soon. I’m thinking if they ask I will say that when she is 4 I will let her decide.

They don't 'do this to', they do this with, I would imagine almost always because it's child-led. Average natural-term breastfeeding duration is anywhere between 2 and 7 years and this is very 'mainstream' in many countries. The NHS and WHO recommend breastfeeding to '2 years and beyond' where possible, due to the weight of evidence of the benefits.

We never have. Distance plays a part, but also the PIL were not so great with my kids when they were really little and I never felt wholly comfortable leaving them even for a few hours. Now PIL are old and the DC find them boring. We left the kids alone with them for an hour or so recently and one child in particular always complains that they are unkind. The other child corroborates different treatment, and I’ve seen first hand what I consider favouritism. I’ll be quite clear, I don’t think any harm has come to my children, just the vibe that they gel with one child more than the other means that I’ll never leave them alone with the kids for longer than absolutely needed.

I never felt that my parents were safe people to look after my children. My in laws were to some extent but they were not super keen.. and when my third child came along, he had health issues that flared up when he was around mould and damp (my parents) and smokers (my inlaws) .. so sleepovers were not safe for him.

Only place my 7 and 9 year olds are allowed to sleep over is grandparents!! They love it.