Does anyone else not send their children to grandparents for sleepovers?

[nosleepoverss]

My child is 3 years old and he has never had a sleepover. Both sets of grandparents have asked about it and I just don’t see any need for it. We co-sleep, he still breastfeeds to sleep most nights and I don’t want him to sleep anywhere else/away from us and I see no reason why he should 🤷‍♀️ Surely I’m not the only one? 😂 I imagine he will be asking for sleepovers in a few years time but right now I just see any need for it?

I do think that if you have the opportunity (and totally appreciate that not everyone does), then it's really beneficial for children to get used to occasionally sleeping over at GPs/other family/close friends.

My DC has had fairly regular (4-5 times a year) sleepovers at both sets of GPs since about 1 year old. When they went on school residential trips in primary school that involved overnight stays, they were full of confidence which I partly attribute to being used to sleeping away from home. There were a number of children who had never stayed away from home and unfortunately some of them really struggled.

That is your uninformed opinion, which you're offering as fact.
You're wrong.

Uh oh I'm another absolutely repulsive specimen my youngest is 3 still had the occasional feed but mostly for comfort if he is ill then forgets about it.

We haven't ever done sleepovers and my oldest is 10. No one wants to unfortunately which makes me sad as I adored sleepovers at my grandparents house. Would absolutely love a weekend away or night away with my husband.

It's different for everyone so just do what works best for you op.

Both of mine did from around 1, and very regularly more so from around 2/3. Neither breastfed and both slept through the night from quite young. I trust my parents without doubt so never had a worry. I’m a single parent and thoroughly enjoyed the break. Sometimes I may have had a night out but usually it was just nice to not have to do bed time routines, order a take away and have a lay in in the morning. Funnily enough the youngest pretty much stopped having sleepovers from around 9ish, because my social life is non-existent, I no longer feel like I need a break as they’re pretty self-sufficient and sleepovers at Grandparents are now seen as a bit boring, which is sad.

Not sure it’s a YABU vs YANBU thing. Your reasons for your DC not having sleepovers are valid. My personal experience, and within my social circle of parents with babies and toddlers, is different. We’re not abandoning our children every weekend but GPs have had our DC overnight since quite young as we’ve gone on night outs, to weddings, date nights etc a handful of times a year. We’re all mid-late 20s if that makes a difference. My DC asks for a sleepover with my parents all the time. She loves it there but she only sees them on weekends as they work so can’t help with childcare, so I think there’s a novelty element to it!

If you don’t want to, you don’t have to. It doesn’t make you any better a parent and me any worse a parent. I don’t co-sleep or feed my 2yo to sleep but I don’t judge you for it.

YANBU as it’s your child but honestly I would jump at the chance if I were you and if you’re happy about safety etc.
We left ours at a relatively young age overnight and the odd weekend so we could have date nights and go away for a weekend. It was great!
Ps I breastfed and they slept in their own cot/bed from birth - at first in our room then after 6 months in their own room, both of them. Very supportive husband, getting up in night, doing nappy changes etc. We both worked full time.
Sorry I don’t want to offend but I really don’t get why parents want a baby/child in their bed or parent’s in child’s bed at any age.

I breastfed til 3.5 but I think stopped nightfeeds around 2. Obviously had a last feed at bedtime but we did introduce occasional sleepovers after age 2 at Nannies. It was nice to have time with husband and daughter didn't miss the last feed while she was away, she enjoyed the time with Nannie. It wasn't often, maybe every 4 months but we valued it. Actually she has one scheduled next month but she is almost 5 and not BF anymore and really looking forward to it

There's a thread going atm where people are saying of course it's fine for your young kids to go and stay at their grandparents for 6 weeks. I swear this place is a parallel universe sometimes 😂

I would kill for someone to have my children overnight. We never get a break. Why wouldn't you take up the offer? I honestly don't understand people who have willing grandparents that don't take them up on it. We have very little support and are only able to organise for someone to have them at our house. The difference it would make if we could have a break now and again would be huge.
I guess all families are different though and if you don't feel you need it then fair enough. I can't see the harm personally.

Yes, starting when they were approx 4-5 months (they would take a bottle) for a night, then gradually working up. They are 6 and 8 now and regularity stay for a week during the holidays. My in-laws are the other side of the country in a popular tourist area though so it’s a holiday (without us) rather than a regular feature of life. If they lived nearby I imagine they might do a night every fortnight or so?

My DM lives abroad and I think would struggle with both boys (widowed so no help) and so they don’t overnight there. She does the odd night of babysitting when in the UK.

But OP, if you are still on your breastfeeding journey and it’s not time yet then that’s 100% fine. Time will come.

We haven’t yet and won’t anytime soon as she is only 19months. DC spends one day a week at one sets house instead of nursery, but no overnights. They have a great bond and spend loads of time together.

Other grandparents live over 300 miles away so not on the cards. I will revisit it when she’s 4/5 and starting reception.

Good for you.

I have been having my DGDs to stay since they were very tiny.

It’s almost as if we all have free will and are all different.

Glad that worked for you and I'm sorry that you had a horrible time

My DC 10 months has had maybe 4-5 nights away with GPs / my sister. I’m still bf but luckily she doesn’t feed to sleep/ sleeps through the night and takes a bottle so the (very understandable) worry of them waking up inconsolable in the middle of the night is less of an issue.

The first night is always the worst for worry but i have personally found it beneficial for my partner and I to have some us time as well as for GPS who really enjoy getting to spend some time with them without us 🤣 it’s v individualised though and if GPS aren’t particularly bothered and you don’t see the need for them to have a sleepover then don’t feel you have to because of what anyone else does

I didn't do it until I was absolutely sure they were old enough and wanted to go. So, after they could speak.

But my DC grandparents all lived quite a distance away, so they were not always around them or being cared for by them. Going for a sleepover would have involved 2 or 3 nights minimum otherwise it wouldn't have been worth the effort for me. I remember MIL wanted my DD to go for half a week or something like that when she was 4 or 5, without her baby brother who she shared a bedroom with, and I said an absolute no. They went when they were both old enough.

Ours did - can’t remember from what age but before school age. No right or wrong answer, it’s whatever everyone is comfortable with.

My dc never slept over at Grandparents.

Well, except two times when we went away for weddings, but I had to share my 3dc out across 3 different people.

Quite frankly, if anyone had offered, I would have loved to have had an undisturbed night and then a lie in, but we never had that option.

The older 3 did from 6/8 weeks old quite regularly. Youngest was covid so couldn't. And now when we've needed them to sleep out they won't as never been used to it always cries to come home so we end up collecting.
The older 3 aren't bothered and regularly go.

I'm fact the eldest at 6 weeks stayed with my df for a whole weekend. And then once a month / 6 weeks went for a night or 2.

I had a lovely relationship with my grandparents,sleepovers from when we were very little. I’m so grateful that my grandchildren are always happy to stay with me and that their mums and dads let them.

I've had my grandchild overnight regularly since they were a couple of weeks old, so coming up for 10 years now.
It's your choice, but we have an incredible relationship, a really strong bond and a true sense of security.
She stays at least 2 or 3 nights a week during school holidays and overnight on weekends, perhaps once or twice a month now.
I think we have all benefitted from the arrangement, but at the end of the day, it's your child, your decision.

I’d hope when I become a grandma that my GC will come for sleepovers. It’s good for a healthy relationship to get some time to spend together as a couple, and if you’ve got willing GP’s, I’d be taking them up on it. That will benefit your child ultimately. Many parents focus entirely on the child, to the detriment of everything else. That sometimes leads to breakdown of relationships. Hopefully i’ll be babysitting whilst DC and their partners have some quality weekends away. If they don’t want to, that’s their prerogative. I have a busy life, so won’t be the type of GP begging to have sleepover’s, but will be more than happy to help out.

I've only started sending mine in the last year or so at 9. Because they said they were happy to. I've not seen the need or a reason to before. Childcare is our issue to sort out, it doesn't need to be passed over to the grandparents. They've already raised their families

Mine don’t because my mum lives far and dh’s are dead but it’s very hard not getting a break. I would consider that you might end up in a situation were they have to sleep over if you were hospitalised or whatever and then it would be very strange and more of an ordeal for them than if they were used to going to Grannies’. If you have grandparents willing to offer childcare and they are a safe, decent people you should embrace it! Children do benefit from time spent with extended family.

My 13 year old and 9 year old had their first sleepover at their grandparents (separately) last week. They have spent nights at Cub/scout camps previously. My parents live close by and there hasn’t been a need for them to stay, but they both asked over the holidays to stay as they wanted some peace and quiet from their siblings and like being spoiled by my parents.

FWIW I breastfed fed mine until 2 and 3.

What’s wrong with that ? Not unusual at all.